J.D.: [v.o.] There's no better way to celebrate saving a life than pretending to like beer.
J.D.: Oh, sticky.
J.D.: [v.o.] Yep, I'm sitting between my best bud and my abusive father figure, watching my new favorite thing.
J.D.: Footballing!
J.D.: [v.o.] They're staring. Quick, talk like a jock!
J.D.: Sports grass is so lovely.
Dr. Cox: Here I thought we weren't bringing our wives this evening.
Turk: Speaking of which, Carla can't make it to the Owl Cats game this Friday. We have an extra ticket.
J.D.: I'm in! I'm in! I gotta see this sports grass in person.

Lucy: You want me to help Ryan through his mom's death?
Denise: It'll only be a few months. A year, tops. Come on. It'll be fun. It'll be like having a really sad pen pal.
Lucy: What are you doing? You should help him.
Denise: Listen up, Seabiscuit. Th isn't my wheelhouse, okay? It's taken me a long time to get to a point that I can be there emotionally for a patient. You know how I do it? Every second that they're here, I remind myself that once they leave this hospital, either on their own or in a box, they're no longer my problem anymore. Out the door, out of my head. It's the only way it works for me.

J.D.: Hey, man. I'm gonna hit the gym and sneak in a quick workout. Wanna come?
Turk: Sweating it out in a steam room isn't exercising, buddy.
J.D.: No, it's sit-cercising.

Lucy: [v.o.] Flapjacks! Oh, thank God. I thought I was late for Dr. Cox's class. That would be the biggest mistake I could make.
Cole: Damn, girl. That was a workout.
Lucy: [v.o.] Okay, second biggest.
Cole: You know, normally, I like to sleep in, but part of me is an early riser.
Lucy: Wow. This should not have happened. Again. Not that it wasn't nice. You have small but surprisingly powerful hands. And almost no beard. It's like you were created in a lab for a woman's pleasure.
Cole: The thing about Cole is that-
Lucy: No, no. No third person.

Lucy: [v.o.] I'm always psyched when Dr. D. asks me to swing by for office hours.
[J.D. and Lucy are sitting in a tree]
J.D.: So tell me, how's school going?
Lucy: Well, my hair is falling out in clumps, but that's not necessarily stress. I am getting older.

J.D.: That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Lucy. You need to be prepared for when I leave.
J.D.: [v.o.] Damn it! Why bring her to the learning tree If you're not gonna use it in your inspiring talk?
J.D.: My point is, while I'm here, I'm yours, but you also need to branch out.
J.D.: [v.o.] Nailed it!
Lucy: I don't know if I can get through med school alone.
J.D.: Don't worry. Before I, uh, leaf...
J.D.: [v.o.] You're on fire.
J.D.: I'll make sure that you have a mentor you're as close to as I am to mine.
J.D.: [v.o.] Speak of the devil!
J.D.: Hey, Perry, you wanna hang out later?
Dr. Cox: Sure. And if we can't find any more climbing trees, we'll just head down to the old swimmin' hole and skip stones until the fireflies tell us it's suppertime.
J.D.: I assume that's a diss of some sort.

Lucy: [v.o.] I need a new mentor. Someone strong and not afraid to express emotions. Maybe a woman.
Denise: Give me my chips, you dirty bitch!
Lucy: [v.o.] Or her.
Denise: Help me shake this machine.
Lucy: Dr. Mahoney, I was wondering if it would be possible for me to, uh, shadow you in the hospital.
Denise: This is not over, you filthy whore! Shadow me? Sure. No, wait. I forgot you totally annoy me. Is there any way you could instantly change your entire personality?
Lucy: I guess I could try.
Denise: Even the way you said that was irritating.

Turk: Cox and I were drinking beer and watching sports, two things you hate.
J.D.: First of all, Turk, I've learned to pretend I enjoy beer. And secondly, I love sports.
Turk: The opening ceremonies for the Winter Olympics is not a sport,and you cried during it.
J.D.: Oh, you want to talk about crying? Let's talk about the end of Rudy.
Turk: Hold on! He got on the field at the end of the movie with his dad in... You know what? No. No, we're not going there.

Denise: Hey, watch a kid for me?
Drew: No, I'm afraid of kids.
Denise: He's 12.
Drew: I got shot by a 12-year-old at a petting zoo. Besides, I gotta change this shirt. The neck's choking me.
J.D.: We get it, Drew. You got a very muscular neck.

Turk: All right, team. This should be fairly straightforward. Scalpel.
J.D.: Drew's rubbing this t-shirt thing in my face.
Turk: J.D., what the hell? I'm in surgery.
J.D.: It's not even the right color for him. He's clearly an autumn.
Turk: You've lost it.
Patient: Dr. Turk is right.
Turk: You should be asleep. She should be asleep!
Dr. Bradley: That's my fault, sir. If anyone gets sued for this, it's gonna be me.