Dr. Kelso: Who gets to tell us the symptoms of Ménière's disease? Dr. Murphy?
Doug: Can you use it in a sentence?

Elliot: Doug, I'm sorry, but I don't think you're cut out for being a doctor.
Pathologist: I cannot figure out how this guy died.
Doug: I'm betting he took a paracentesis needle to the aorta.
Pathologist: Have you seen this before?
Doug: Seen it? Upstairs they call that a "Doug"!
Elliot: You got any others you can't figure out?
[montage:]
Doug: Doctor prescribed overdosage of Fentanyl.
Doug: Dissected left main during a cardiac catheterization.
Doug: We look under Mr. Pancreas and there it is. [pulls out a bloody glove]
Pathologist: He's the best I've ever seen. Mind if we steal him from you?
Elliot: I can live with it.
Doug: Well, my work here is done. [removes gloves and throws them in the corpse's cavity]
Elliot: I'll get those.

Carla: So, what are you guys gonna do now that your residencies are over?
Doug: Oh, I'm still a resident. Yeah, Dr. Kelso said I'm the first medical resident to repeat his third year in the entire history of the hospital!
Carla: That's a bad thing, Doug.
Doug: Oh, I'm staying positive.

J.D.: [v.o.] After putting a beat down on Turk, the last thing I wanted to do was be lame and hide in a supply closet.
[Turk laughs as he opens the supply closet, only to find it's empty]
J.D.: [v.o.] That's why I chose down here.
J.D.: Why are you here?
Doug: After all these years of putting on toe tags, I sort of developed a foot fetish. And you get tired of looking at dead ones, you know?
J.D.: No, Doug, I don't.

Doug: [enters room] Elliot, I know everyone thinks I'm this huge screw-up, but I just want you to know that I'm gonna turn it around.
Elliot: Doug, this is a quarantined area!

Carla: Oh, what a cutie. Where'd this little guy come from?
J.D.: Doug found him in some dead guy's colon.
Carla: Ugh! [squeaks]
J.D.: Hey, little guy. Doug's still pretty upset about the whole thing.
Doug: Why would he live in there?

Dr. Kelso: Next catastrophe. Idiots.
Doug: I hate him so much.
Ted: Save it for our weekend bike ride.

Elliot: So, how are your interns doing?
Doug: Hey. Yeah, it still burns a little, but at least I can hear okay.

Elliot: Doug! Doug!
Doug: [wakes up] I don't wanna be a doctor!

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Murphy, how about you start us off by describing the medical condition of your patient Mr.
Eronson here.
Doug: He's got hypertrophic cardiomyopathy with severe secondary pulmonary hypertension.
Dr. Kelso: Wrong. He's dead. Another one bites the dust, huh, sport?