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‘My Old Friend's New Friend’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Scrubs: My Old Friend's New Friend

401. My Old Friend's New Friend

Aired August 31, 2004

When Carla and Turk return from their honeymoon, they realize settling into married life might not be as easy as they thought. Elliot feels left out of the group as tension remains between her and J.D. A new attending psychiatrist, Dr. Molly Clock (guest star Heather Graham), starts work at the hospital. Meanwhile, J.D. hopes the last week of his residency means something to Dr. Cox.

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: [v.o.] My last week of residency had begun. In seven days I'd be a full-fledged doctor. It felt pretty special to me, and I had a hunch it meant a lot to one other person as well.
Dr. Cox: Yes, milady?
J.D.: So, you felling all, like, bleaaah?
Dr. Cox: That depends, does "bleaaah" mean confused and incredibly annoyed?
J.D.: Come on, man, it's our last week together. The J.D. and Cox train is pulling into the station. You must have a metaphor you want to use. Hit me with it.
Dr. Cox: I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week together. Let me see... Uh, low-carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hot spots, 'The O.C.', the U.N., recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys. Jeff, that Wiggle who sleeps too darn much. The Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything that exists - past, present and future, in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions. Oh! And Hugh Jackman.
J.D.: Hugh Jackman's Wolverine. How dare he.

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Quote from J.D.

J.D.: You know, Molly, I appreciate the offer, but there's a very special doctor I use around here when I need help, and he'd be pretty pissed if I didn't come to him first.
[later:]
Dr. Cox: Why, Mariska? Why do you insist on bothering me with these things?
J.D.: Please, you know you love it. Now, come on, one more time for nostalgia's sake: You come see my patient, you teach me a lesson, and then the music plays, right? In my head, it sounds like this... [hums Scrubs sad melody]
Carla: Dr. Cox, can I borrow you for a minute?
Dr. Cox: Borrow me? Dear heart, you'd be rescuing me. Newbie, you're on your own. Get used to it.
[The Scrubs sad melody plays]
J.D.: [hums along]

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: Look, Dr. Cox, I know you were using reverse psychology with Mr. Radford.
Dr. Cox: You do, do you?
J.D.: Yes. And I figured it out all by myself, without anyone helping me or explaining it directly in my face or anything.
Dr. Cox: Well, nubile one, your last lesson and you didn't even need it. Three years and it's finally over. I know what you want, I do. [opens arms] Come here.
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, my God, it's finally happening! Don't miss a moment! Take it all in! [hums Scrubs sad melody]
Dr. Cox: [whistles] Good God, Fantasia. You don't actually think I'm done teaching you, do you? Do you not understand the only difference between today and tomorrow is that you wake up tomorrow and start coming in here and killing people, that no one can say, "It's no big deal, he's just a resident." Instead, what they're damn sure gonna be wondering is who tried to educate your sorry ass. And when that finger of blame starts pointing in my direction, I had damn sure better be in a coma from the anger stroke I suffered from the last time you tried to hug me. Oh, and, uh, don't be late tomorrow, Doctor.

Quote from Janitor

J.D.: [v.o.] Where was I? Oh, yeah. The hospital also had a new attending psychologist. Dr. Molly Clock.
[As Dr. Molly Clock walks towards, J.D. her hair is blowing back]
Dr. Molly Clock: This is a really windy hospital.
Janitor: Oh, I'm sorry. I was drying up a patient's urine.
Dr. Molly Clock: Hmm.
Janitor: I'm kind of a favorite around here.

Quote from Dr. Molly Clock

J.D.: [v.o.] Not only was Dr. Clock easy on the eyes, but apparently she was an excellent shrink.
Dr. Molly Clock: Mr. Witcomb is in the middle of a psychotic break from self-discontinuation of his meds, so we need to get him on Haloperidol IV stat.
J.D.: [v.o.] But I also heard she was a little spacy.
Dr. Molly Clock: So where were we?
J.D.: Um, we weren't talking.
Dr. Molly Clock: Was it 'cause of something you did, 'cause I am totally over it. I don't even remember what it was.
J.D.: No, I mean like we've never talked ever.
Dr. Molly Clock: Well how do I know your name, then?
J.D.: You don't.
Dr. Molly Clock: You're freakin' me out, Jimmy.
J.D.: It's Johnny.
J.D.: [v.o.] Why would you say "Johnny"? You hate "Johnny"!
Dr. Molly Clock: Now I'm gonna commit it to my memory forever. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.
J.D.: [v.o.] Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!
Dr. Molly Clock: Okay, Johnny.
J.D.: [v.o.] Dammit!

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] As I fondled Katya, my pillow girlfriend, I thought about how things had changed for all of us. You see, I had almost forgotten that when I wake up, it'll be the start of my last week as a resident.
[fantasy: When J.D.'s "Sugar Hill Gang" alarm clock goes off, he imagines the group standing on top of the alarm singing a modified version of "Rapper's Delight":]
J.D.: Snooze.
[The Sugar Hill Gang stop singing and literally snooze]

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: I missed you guys so much.
Carla: Oh, come over tonight. We're looking at wedding pictures.
Elliot: Ooh, there's this one picture of me right after I got sick off my third champagne and Red Bull, and my hair is kind of like sexy-messy, and the photographer said he could airbrush all of the puke off my dress.
Carla: Already made doubles.
Elliot: You rock.

Quote from Elliot

Dr. Molly Clock: Hey, do you guys mind if I eat with you? 'cause I don't wanna sit alone and sing to my food like a crazy person.
Elliot: Oh, my gosh. I do that.
Dr. Molly Clock: No way.
Elliot: Mostly pop songs. You know, unless I'm eating soul food.

Quote from Dr. Molly Clock

J.D.: Mr. Radford, if you keep turning down physical therapy, you're never gonna be strong enough to get out of this bed.
Mr. Radford: I'm tired. I know you are, but I would love it if you'd at least try.
Mr. Blass: [sings] "And I would do anything for love, but I won't do that. No, I won't do that."
J.D.: Haunting.
Dr. Molly Clock: Drink your juice, Mr. Blass. Mr. Blass has Pick's disease, which is similar to presentation to multi-infarct dementia. Anyhoo, he likes to sing when he gets up in the morning, and the weird thing is, Johnny, he actually captures the mood of the room.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: Look, J.D., I think this is so unfair. I mean, I never get to see Turk and Carla anymore. It's like we got divorced and you get to keep the friends just because you live with them.
[later:]
Elliot: It just feels like you guys are part of some sort of gang or something.
J.D.: Elliot, you're overreacting. We're not some kind of gang, okay? Okay. Wolverines, let's roll.
[J.D., Turk and Carla put their colored helmets on and drive away on their scooters]

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