Janitor Quotes Page 1 of 20

Quote from My First Day

Janitor: The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open.
J.D.: Maybe a penny's stuck in there.
Janitor: Why a penny?
J.D.: I don't know.
Janitor: Did you stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, I was making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.

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Quote from My Mentor

J.D.: How's it goin'?
Janitor: I'm 37 years old and I'm a janitor. How do you think it's going?
J.D.: Now, there is nothing wrong with being a janitor.
Janitor: Really? Thank you, you've turned my life around. I'm going to have to go tell my janitor wife and all our janitor kids that life is worth living. And that comes straight from our hero, Dr. Whozits, Dr. Nothing. No, seriously, come on. You can come over to my humble house and point out things that are cheap.

Quote from My Drama Queen

Janitor: Doctor.
J.D.: Janitor. What's that smell?
Janitor: I don't know. Although it smells a little bit like the truth. My poor wife slaved over these.
J.D.: She just cut off a pair of scrubs and hemmed the bottom. What's the big deal?
Janitor: What's the big deal? Well, the Lord didn't bless my wife with all ten fingers. She's only got pointer and thumb-pinky.

Quote from My Finale: Part 2

J.D.: Look, it's been a very long day.
Janitor: Well, long days are like pancakes... Admit it!
J.D.: Fine! I put a penny in the door! It was eight years ago.
Janitor: What do you know? It finally worked.
J.D.: It was an accident. It fell out of my pocket and rolled into the door. It was my first day. I didn't want you to be mad. Do you believe me?
Janitor: Yeah. I saw it happen.
J.D.: If you saw it happen, then why did you ask me back then if I put a penny in the door?
Janitor: It was a test of character. You failed, and you lost out on a wonderful friendship. [starts to walk away]
J.D.: We could still be friends. [the Janitor stops, looks back and then keeps walking]

Quote from His Story IV

J.D.: Come on, no one wants to debate Iraq with me?
Janitor: I'll debate Iraq with you.
J.D.: Prepare to be dazzled.
Janitor: Okay, in my opinion we should be looking for Bin Laden in Pakistan.
J.D.: Do you have that globe nearby?

Quote from My Balancing Act

J.D.: [v.o.] You're only 80 minutes late. She'll still be here. Please be here. Come on, Alex. Please be here.
[As J.D. looks around the restaurant, he catches the gaze of the Janitor who is eating at a table]
Janitor: You gotta be kidding me! There's a waste of a gift certificate. Cancel the cobbler!

Quote from My Lucky Night

J.D.: What the hell?
Janitor: It's a riddle! Two guys destroyed your bike with a crowbar and a bat. One of 'em wasn't me!

Quote from My Big Mouth

Janitor: What's up?
J.D.: [v.o.] Be careful here. Don't give him anything.
J.D.: Nothing. What is up with you, man?
Janitor: I always get this way in the fall. You know, summer's gone, the days are shorter. It just makes me feel so... What's the word?
J.D.: Sad?
Janitor: Yes, that's it. I'm a janitor, so I couldn't think of the word "sad." I was going to say "it makes me feel so mop."
J.D.: Let me explain. I-
Janitor: Go ahead. I'm mopping.
J.D.: Maybe I shouldn't bother.
Janitor: Maybe you mopn't.

Quote from My Interpretation

J.D.: Okay, I still wanna refer you to a dermatologist, but it looks benign to me.
Janitor: Benign... Benign-and-a-half.

Quote from My Finale: Part 1

Janitor: That good/evil thing was in my head because I was watching Unbreakable by Muh. Night Shyamalan.
J.D.: It's "M. Night", you- You don't say "Muh Night". It's- It's M. Night, no Muh.
Janitor: No, it's Muh. Like C. Thomas Howell or F. Murray Abraham.
J.D.: Don't think so.
Janitor: No Muh?
J.D.: No Muh.
Janitor: Well, that's funny. 'cause we've bowling the other night, and he says, "Man, no one ever says my name right." I said, "Muh, you've got two bigger problems than that." One of them is that seven tense split you live for yourself. And the other one is how about trying to write a movie without a big twist ending. Well, he took offence, got pissy, wouldn't talk me for a good hour, but he loosened up on the hay, right?

Quote from My New Old Friend

Turk: Hey, that whole damn building is packed with liars.
J.D.: It is not.
[meanwhile, at a school career day:]
Janitor: Well, if the cut was that deep, I'd probably just pull your arm off. Once again Dr. Jan ltor. Dr. Jan ltor.

Quote from My Finale: Part 2

Janitor: So your shift is officially over, and that'll do it. Nice knowing you, John Dorian.
J.D.: It was nice knowing you, too... What is your name?
Janitor: Glen Matthews.
J.D.: Well, that was easy.
Janitor: Yeah, it's easy now. When I was a kid, I had a horrible impediment. I'd say "Gen Maffewf."
J.D.: I'm glad I wasn't there during those times.
Janitor: Yeah, I would've torn you to "pieffeff."

Quote from My First Step

J.D.: Taking off?
Janitor: Yeah. If that's OK.
J.D.: That's fine.
Janitor: You know, I just wanted to sneak out for an hour and see my kid's fourth-grade play, but you caught me.
J.D.: No. No catchies.
Janitor: No, no, I think you're right. From now on, before I do anything, I'll make sure to run it by you first. Permission to go see my kid's attempt to overcome his crippling shyness by appearing in his fourth grade class's production of Town without a Turkey?
J.D.: I gotta get back to work.
Janitor: Back to work. Message received.

Quote from My Friend the Doctor

Janitor: [British accent] Evenin' governor! What's up your bum?
J.D.: You know why I wanted that to be you in The Fugitive? Because it would mean you used to be a guy who had dreams and ambitions. And even though things didn't work out the way you'd hoped, at least it would explain why you are the way you are and make you human. But instead, it turns out you're nothing more than a a jerk who just likes to mess with people for no reason. [walks away]
Janitor: Kimble! You tell anybody, I'll kill ya.

Quote from My Kingdom

J.D.: I told you you had nothing to saw.
Janitor: Oh, really? [cut's J.D.'s arm off]
J.D.: Ow, man, give it back.
Janitor: All right. Just tell me why you're hitting yourself. Hmm. Why are you doing that?
[reality:]
Janitor: You ever get the feeling we're thinking the same thing?
J.D.: No.

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