Carla: Look, the point is, it's an adjustment. Get ready for some arguing.
Elliot: Not us. He doesn't even mind sleeping in separate rooms. Uh, living with a guy before marriage makes me feel whorey.
Nurse Roberts: You can live in separate states, but if you're doing the nasty before you get married, your ass is gonna burn.

Dr. Cox: It really is just super that you're here with us as a reminder that surgeons really are simply ignorant scalpel jocks. Hell, after surgery, if there's the slightest medical issue you just turf the patient right down to us, the real doctors, so we can pick up your slack. You cut and run, if you will. That's right, it's not just a phrase used by political pundits who wear bow ties. It is also the number one reason that all of you should pray to God, or, in your case, Rex, Moko the Samoan Bird King, that you never have to be treated by these flesh hungry butchers. Jenny, take his glasses as a trophy.

Elliot: Do you know how lucky you are to have a husband? I mean, I've got a brand new home, I am totally ready to start my life, but I just don't know if Keith is marriage material. My mom thinks I should test his love by saying I'm knocked up. If he doesn't propose on the spot, I just demand that he gives me $600 for the abortion, dump him, and ease my sadness with a brand-new pair of Jimmy Choos. That's how she got her red shoe collection in college.

Turk: I don't understand why you're so devoted to that guy.
J.D.: He's got this strange power. You wait, eventually you'll crave his approval and become just like me.
Turk: [scoffs]
[The Scrubs sad theme plays as Turk looks away to the side:]
Turk: [v.o.] But still, as I thought about Dr. Cox, I knew J.D. was right.
J.D.: See?

J.D.: [v.o.] There is not a doctor in the world that would disagree with Brian Dancer when he said.
Brian: Head wounds suck. I mean, I feel better but I still can't concentrate, and my motor skills are shot. Hell, I can't even write.
Ann Chase: Hi, Brian.
[fantasy: J.D. sees the attractive woman with angel wings behind her back and warm lighting]
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, my God. It's an angel.
Nurse Roberts: That nasty burlesque dancer with syphilis forgot her damn ostrich feathers.
J.D.: We're little busy in here, Laverne.
[fantasy: Nurse Roberts flies away with the wings]
J.D.: That was a weird one.

Brian: Man, why don't you just ask her out?
J.D.: Brian, expertly flirting is one thing, but I-I'm not ready to get back in the game yet. I just got out of a serious relationship. Plus, I'm a tent-dwelling, poop-fainter who can't drive.
Brian: I have a fiberglass skull.
J.D.: It's always a competition with you.

Carla: Oh, the coaster argument. You would not believe the stuff I had to put up with when Turk and I first moved in together. Do you know what I caught him doing in bed, even though I was sleeping right next to him?
[flashback: Carla wakes up and notices vigorous action underneath the covers on Turk's side of the bed. As Turk groans, Carla lifts up the covers:]
Turk: Hot wing?
[present:]
Carla: Bleuch.

J.D.: You know what? I'll make a deal: you stick with your physical therapy and I will ask Ann out. Deal?
Brian: Yeah.
J.D.: [v.o.] I wonder what the odds are of Ann saying "yes".
[fantasy: Nurse Roberts flies up to the window with the angel wings:]
Nurse Roberts: It's never gonna happen, Q-Tip.
J.D.: Kelso just had his car washed!
Nurse Roberts: I'm on it!
[reality:]
J.D.: [v.o.] What did I eat last night?!

Turk: You know, Dr. Cox, there's gotta be something I can do to help.
Dr. Cox: Well, now, Gandhi, since you don't grasp the fact that I think you're incompetent... Ladies and gentlemen, pay attention please: presenting the world's longest "shush". Mmm. [faint, elongated shush] I'm going to go ahead and stop. I'm not committing the way I normally do. I'm gonna go away, regroup, and maybe see you later.

Carla: Oh. Everything's unpacked. Your stuff looks great, by the way.
Keith: You mean her stuff. She wouldn't let me put up my stuff.
Elliot: Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup. Everything's awesome, we're great, everything's great.
Keith: What do you mean, we're great? We haven't had box sex in days. Everything was fine, until Elliot broke out with her unending list of insane rules like: Put all open cereal in giant Ziploc bags.
Elliot: Yeah, I don't see what's insane about not wanting spiders to lay eggs in my cornflakes. That's how Carla's mom died.
Carla: No, it isn't.
Elliot: You're supposed to be my best friend!