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37Quotes from ‘My Therapeutic Month’

Scrubs: My Therapeutic Month

610. My Therapeutic Month

Aired February 22, 2007

A lot happens in a month at Sacred Heart: As Brian Dancer takes physical therapy so he can write again, J.D. promises him he will ask out the attractive physical therapist. Turk is forced to become a medical intern after injuring his arm, meaning a month under Dr. Cox's tutelage. Meanwhile, Elliot and Keith move into her new place.

Quote from Nurse Roberts

Carla: Look, the point is, it's an adjustment. Get ready for some arguing.
Elliot: Not us. He doesn't even mind sleeping in separate rooms. Uh, living with a guy before marriage makes me feel whorey.
Nurse Roberts: You can live in separate states, but if you're doing the nasty before you get married, your ass is gonna burn.

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Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: It really is just super that you're here with us as a reminder that surgeons really are simply ignorant scalpel jocks. Hell, after surgery, if there's the slightest medical issue you just turf the patient right down to us, the real doctors, so we can pick up your slack. You cut and run, if you will. That's right, it's not just a phrase used by political pundits who wear bow ties. It is also the number one reason that all of you should pray to God, or, in your case, Rex, Moko the Samoan Bird King, that you never have to be treated by these flesh hungry butchers. Jenny, take his glasses as a trophy.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: Do you know how lucky you are to have a husband? I mean, I've got a brand new home, I am totally ready to start my life, but I just don't know if Keith is marriage material. My mom thinks I should test his love by saying I'm knocked up. If he doesn't propose on the spot, I just demand that he gives me $600 for the abortion, dump him, and ease my sadness with a brand-new pair of Jimmy Choos. That's how she got her red shoe collection in college.

Quote from J.D.

Turk: I don't understand why you're so devoted to that guy.
J.D.: He's got this strange power. You wait, eventually you'll crave his approval and become just like me.
Turk: [scoffs]
[The Scrubs sad theme plays as Turk looks away to the side:]
Turk: [v.o.] But still, as I thought about Dr. Cox, I knew J.D. was right.
J.D.: See?

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] There is not a doctor in the world that would disagree with Brian Dancer when he said.
Brian: Head wounds suck. I mean, I feel better but I still can't concentrate, and my motor skills are shot. Hell, I can't even write.
Ann Chase: Hi, Brian.
[fantasy: J.D. sees the attractive woman with angel wings behind her back and warm lighting]
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, my God. It's an angel.
Nurse Roberts: That nasty burlesque dancer with syphilis forgot her damn ostrich feathers.
J.D.: We're little busy in here, Laverne.
[fantasy: Nurse Roberts flies away with the wings]
J.D.: That was a weird one.

Quote from J.D.

Brian: Man, why don't you just ask her out?
J.D.: Brian, expertly flirting is one thing, but I-I'm not ready to get back in the game yet. I just got out of a serious relationship. Plus, I'm a tent-dwelling, poop-fainter who can't drive.
Brian: I have a fiberglass skull.
J.D.: It's always a competition with you.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Oh, the coaster argument. You would not believe the stuff I had to put up with when Turk and I first moved in together. Do you know what I caught him doing in bed, even though I was sleeping right next to him?
[flashback: Carla wakes up and notices vigorous action underneath the covers on Turk's side of the bed. As Turk groans, Carla lifts up the covers:]
Turk: Hot wing?
[present:]
Carla: Bleuch.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: You know what? I'll make a deal: you stick with your physical therapy and I will ask Ann out. Deal?
Brian: Yeah.
J.D.: [v.o.] I wonder what the odds are of Ann saying "yes".
[fantasy: Nurse Roberts flies up to the window with the angel wings:]
Nurse Roberts: It's never gonna happen, Q-Tip.
J.D.: Kelso just had his car washed!
Nurse Roberts: I'm on it!
[reality:]
J.D.: [v.o.] What did I eat last night?!

Quote from Elliot

Carla: Oh. Everything's unpacked. Your stuff looks great, by the way.
Keith: You mean her stuff. She wouldn't let me put up my stuff.
Elliot: Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup. Everything's awesome, we're great, everything's great.
Keith: What do you mean, we're great? We haven't had box sex in days. Everything was fine, until Elliot broke out with her unending list of insane rules like: Put all open cereal in giant Ziploc bags.
Elliot: Yeah, I don't see what's insane about not wanting spiders to lay eggs in my cornflakes. That's how Carla's mom died.
Carla: No, it isn't.
Elliot: You're supposed to be my best friend!

Quote from Dr. Cox

Turk: You know, Dr. Cox, there's gotta be something I can do to help.
Dr. Cox: Well, now, Gandhi, since you don't grasp the fact that I think you're incompetent... Ladies and gentlemen, pay attention please: presenting the world's longest "shush". Mmm. [faint, elongated shush] I'm going to go ahead and stop. I'm not committing the way I normally do. I'm gonna go away, regroup, and maybe see you later.

Quote from J.D.

Ann Chase: Hi, I'm Ann Chase. I'm Brian's physical therapist.
J.D.: Konichiwa.
Brian: I'd love to put my ear on her butt, to see if I can hear the ocean.
J.D.: Oh, Brian, you're doing that thing when you say your thoughts out loud. It's a side effect of his injury.
Ann Chase: Oh.
J.D.: [v.o.] It wasn't, but we've been having fun since we came up with that.

Quote from Turk

Dr. Cox: Good morning, reasons why I drink. You may have noticed that we have a new face in our group.
Turk: Oh, these glasses are not prescription, but, uh, I figured I wear 'em, so I can feel in with you medical geeks. Know what I'm saying?
J.D.: [v.o.] Cool, a new black resident! [Turk lifts his glasses] Oh, it's just Turk.
J.D.: Hey Turk!
Turk: What's happening, J.D.

Quote from J.D.

[The Scrubs sad theme plays as Turk looks to the side]
Turk: [v.o.] I knew right then that somehow I'd made Dr. Cox-
J.D.: Seriously, dude, stop doing that. That's my thing.

Quote from Turk

Carla: What are you up to, baby?
Turk: Using all my down time to study medicine, so I can prove to Dr. Cox I am not just another dumb surgeon, but every time I crack open these books my brain says: "Who cares about this crap?" Then I wonder if we have any frozen sugar-free fruit juice pops at home.
Carla: I'm gonna help you study tonight, and for every right answer that you get I'm going to you a bite of frozen fruit juice pop, or if you prefer I can remove an item of clothing.
[later that night, Carla is shirtless as she and Turk study on the couch:]
Carla: Okay. A major indicator of hypokalemia is...
Turk: A potassium level under 3.5.
Carla: Right! And here comes your reward.
[Carla reaches behind her bra]
Turk: Yeah, come to daddy!
[Carla hands Turk a blue fruit juice pop]
Turk: Say baby, what happened to your shirt?
Carla: Oh, Izzy spit up on me earlier.
Turk: How come you didn't put a new one on?

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: They let you back on the road, huh?
J.D.: Well, sort of. They hooked up this nifty breathalyzer on my scooter. If there's any trace of alcohol at all in my breath, it won't start for 24 hours. Yeah, that's where you blow.
[The Janitor blows into the breathalyzer. J.D.'s scooter locks up]
Janitor: Huh! Well, time to start my shift.


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