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‘My Old Lady’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Scrubs: My Old Lady

104. My Old Lady

Aired October 16, 2001

J.D. treats an elderly woman who says she's ready to die, Carla helps Elliot treat a woman who doesn't speak English, and Turk bonds with a young patient.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: What now, Dr. Barbie?
Elliot: Mrs. Guerrero is a forty-year-old lupus patient who presented with a shortness of breath so I started her on a heparin drip and ordered a VQ scan. I just wanted to run that by you.
Dr. Cox: One. Two. Three.
Elliot: So, shall I continue with heparin-
Dr. Cox: It's really important that you let me get to ten.
Elliot: I just thought-
Dr. Cox: Listen, cookie. You've been here over a month. This is Medicine 101. I don't want everything little run by me. I don't wanna give my two cents' worth. But if you ever do want to know my opinion, rest assured it will always be that you're an incredible pain and every time I see your Kewpie-Doll face it just makes me want to pick you up and shake you until all the hours of my life that you've wasted fall out. Now laugh.
Elliot: What?
Dr. Cox: Laugh so that she doesn't think I'm yelling at you. [all laugh]
Carla: Oh, how fun was that?

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Quote from J.D.

Mrs. Tanner: Listen, Dr. Dorian, there is not one thing I regret as I lay here right now. I'm ready. I really am.
J.D.: You have had an amazing life.
Mrs. Tanner: Good. Now we agree. Aren't there other patients you need to be seeing?
J.D.: Me? No, I've been off for two hours.
Mrs. Tanner: So with your precious free time, you've been sitting in a hospital room talking to an old lady. What about your list? How many of these things have you done? For that matter, how many times have you sat on the grass and done nothing, hmm? You need to start taking some time for yourself, young man. Promise me you'll do that.
J.D.: I will.
Mrs. Tanner: Good. Now, get outta here. Go on.

Quote from J.D.

Mrs. Tanner: You're gonna have to shut your mouth at some point. Sweetie, I'm 74 years old. I'm ready to go.
J.D.: Yeah, but with dialysis you could live another 80 or 90 years.
Mrs. Tanner: I think you're being a little irrational.
J.D.: No, I'm not.
Mrs. Tanner: Everybody dies some time.
J.D.: No, they don't.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: [mouths] I'm going to kill you.
J.D.: [silently] What?
Janitor: [gestures and mouths] I'm going to kill you.
J.D.: Why?
Janitor: [shrugs]

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: So, she doesn't want dialysis?
J.D.: But what does that mean?
Dr. Cox: Well, if she declines dialysis, then there is no ethical dilemma.
J.D.: But what about our duty to do everything in our power to help-
Dr. Cox: [pretends to cry] "What about our duty as doctors?" Look, this has nothing to do with the patient. This is all about you. You are afraid of death. And you can't be. You're in medicine. You gotta accept that everything we do here, everything, is a stall. We're just trying to keep the game going, that's it. But, ultimately, it always ends up the same way.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: So, that's basically it. Your kidneys aren't responding to medication any more. We're gonna have to start you on dialysis.
Mrs. Tanner: I'm not a big fan of dialysis.
J.D.: We don't really have a choice.
Mrs. Tanner: Well, actually, I do have a choice.
J.D.: [v.o.] Certain things you never expect people to say.
Mrs. Tanner: I think I'm ready to die.
[fantasy:]
Delivery Driver: I've got a ton of bricks for Dr. Dorian.
[a heap of bricks fall on J.D.'s head]
Delivery Driver: Can I get that pen back?

Quote from Carla

Elliot: I increased the heparin to 1,500 units per hour. Does that sound like enough?
Carla: Should be.
Elliot: Speaking of heparin, have you slept with Turk yet?
Carla: What?!
Elliot: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Too personal.
Carla: I like to wait. I like a guy to want it so bad he thinks he isn't gonna get it ever. Then, when he's lost the will to live, that's when I jump him.
Elliot: So how long does that take?
Carla: A month, maybe two.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: Come on, Carla's your girlfriend, Elliot's my friend.
Turk: Dude, trust me. Don't get involved.
Carla: She's from El Barrio, she must not like music.
Elliot: All I'm saying is, classical music isn't for everyone.
Carla: Oh, so because I didn't grow up with a nanny changing my Vera Wang-diapers...
J.D.: [sighs]
Carla: You got something to say?
J.D.: Well, yes, frankly. I think you're being condescending and you're being overly sensitive.
[Carla and Elliot start yelling at J.D.]
J.D.: Excuse me for a second, just one second.
[fantasy: J.D. rewinds time to before he intervened]
Carla: She's from El Barrio, she must not like music.
Elliot: All I'm saying is, classical music isn't for everyone.
Carla: Oh, so because I didn't grow up with a nanny changing my Vera Wang-diapers...
J.D.: [sighs]
Carla: You got something to say?
J.D.: [v.o.] Nope. Not this time.
J.D.: Well, yes. Frankly, I think you're being condescending and you're being overly sensitive. [Carla and Elliot start yelling at J.D.] Dammit!

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] Here's something that's kind of surprising. On my first day, my resident told me, if you don't count the maternity ward, which is mostly well, you know, or the emergency room, which is mostly broken bones, stitches, that sort of thing, he said that one out of every three patients that's admitted to this place will die here.
[montage:]
J.D.: Hi, I'm gonna be your doctor.
Elliot: Hi, I'm gonna be your doctor.
Turk: Hi, I'm gonna be your doctor.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: Hello, I'm the doctor. I'm... I'm the doctor.
Tommy Tanner: What are you, 16?
Gina Tanner: Oh, this is unacceptable.
Tommy Tanner: What, did you have, like, coupons for this hospital?
Mrs. Tanner: That's enough! Now, sure, he's young but he's probably a very good doctor. Are you a good doctor?
J.D.: Kinda too soon to tell.
Mrs. Tanner: Honesty, I like that.

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