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‘Our Mysteries’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Scrubs: Our Mysteries

905. Our Mysteries

Aired December 22, 2009

J.D. calls on Turk to help him track down the one student who gave him a negative teacher evaluation. Meanwhile, Lucy is nervous about having to take blood from a person, and Denise and Drew make their relationship official.

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: [v.o.] But while I went out of my way to connect with these kids, Dr. Cox had a different approach.
Dr. Cox: All right then, you gaggle of mini murderers, I am going to make these evaluations very easy for you. Here are some adjectives that describe my teaching style. "Abusive," "humiliating," "tyrannical" and "buttery." Why "buttery"? Because I don't care what you write. Moving on. It is time for your final practical exam of the quarter. Learning how to draw blood from an actual human being. Sadly, most of you will pass, but there are one or two of you out there who will botch this miserably, proving once and for all that you don't belong here. And oh, my God. It's like it's Christmas eve, and one of you is just a big box of failure waiting to be unwrapped. I want to open you. I want to open you so bad, but no, I'm gonna wait, because the waiting makes it so much sweeter. I'll see you tomorrow.

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Quote from Cole

Lucy: Cole, will you please be my blood buddy for Dr. Cox's exam?
Cole: Mm, sorry, baby, no can do. Doc says I got tiny baby veins. Something to do with my mom's eating blowfish in the third tri-mo.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

J.D.: Dr. Kelso, why are you here?
Dr. Kelso: This is my sex pad.
Turk: And what have you done with Barry Friedman?
Dr. Kelso: He dropped out of med school two weeks after it started. I've been using his dorm room as my love nest. I can't get with a gal In the same bed I shared with Enid. Gives me the softies.
J.D.: Wow, that's disgusting.
Turk: Ugh. Threw up in my mouth a little.

Quote from J.D.

Lucy: Dr. D., I can't believe you're leaving us. You were, like, the best teach ever.
J.D.: Oh, Lucy. But you'll always carry a piece of me with you. I'll be here and I'll be here.
Lucy: My stomach?
J.D.: Well, I would have touched your heart, but I did that to another female student, and it resulted in me having to watch a 4-hour video called "Boundaries".
Lucy: So teacher evaluations are due, and I am going to use gold stars and pony stickers for yours.
J.D.: Lucy, that's sweet, but I don't care about those silly evaluations.
J.D.: [v.o.] Yes! Lucy's in the bag.

Quote from Denise

Denise: "Your stupidity is so intense, It's burning me in the face."
Drew: Oh, Dr. Cox is on a tear today. I bet you 5 bucks this kid cries.
Denise: Nah, he's not a crier. He's the kind of guy who eats to make the sad go away.
Drew: Is it wrong that so much of what bonds us is sex and other people's pain?
Denise: Don't forget our hatred of art.
Drew: Oh, yeah, art's the worst. Here he comes.
Denise: I win. But I actually cheated. I had inside info. I slept with that dude during my fatty phase.

Quote from J.D.

[After a photo montage set to "(I've Had) The Time of My Life]
J.D.: Powerful stuff, huh? Six weeks ago, I wrote one word on the board, "medicine." So what's the definition? Well, if you believe the silly dictionary, It says that it's "the science of health maintenance and the prevention of disease." Snore. I think we're all dictionaries. We all edit the user-generated encyclopedias of our hearts. Those balloons were supposed to fall at the end of my speech. Okay, in front of you are teacher evaluations. Be honest. I'm trying to mold your minds, Not win some sort of popularity contest.
Cole: Sweet! A coupon for $2 off fro-yo!
J.D.: Yeah, and, uh, tell 'em Dr. D. Sent you. You'll get a little extra whip.

Quote from J.D.

Turk: Great last class, buddy. It's your last day. What do you want to do?
J.D.: I don't know, Turk. I've left so many times. I've come back so many times. Even I'm confused. I think we should just sit this one out, old friend.
Turk: [emotionally] I'm gonna need a minute.
J.D.: Turk, no.

Quote from Cole

Cole: Oh, hey, Luce, guess what I see.
Lucy: Don't say it.
Cole: I see dead people.
Lucy: Yep, fifteenth time's the charm.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Lucy: Hey, Dr. Cox. I was just practicing for your exam. Taking blood is so easy.
Dr. Cox: Dynamite work. But here's the thing there. You're going to have to do this on a person who still has blood and can feel pain, not like this lump of flesh.
Lucy: Did you just flick that cadaver's ear?
Dr. Cox: Yes. I come down here to both increase my hand strength and relax. Some people go on retreats. I flick the dead.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: What's it say, Turk? I can't look.
Turk: Dude, you're number one.
J.D.: Yes! That's the part I wanted! This reminds me of when I was in my theater camp's production of Oliver. I still remember my one line. [British accent] "No, thank you. I don't like soup."

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