J.D.: [v.o.] Come on you can do this. Navy scrubs! Navy scrubs! Navy scrubs!
J.D.: [whistles] Here's the deal, Eleanor. We're gonna go ahead and get a full work-up on this guy. So, while I drop an NG tube and do a gastric lavage, why don't you go ahead and get an order on EKG with cardio biomarkers. If you need to know where those are, they're on page 37 of the Ann Taylor catalog. Right next to that salmon cable-knit sweater you've wanted for so long but haven't had the courage to order 'cause you're worried the weave's so thin, your nipples might just go ahead and peek their little pink selves through. Isn't that right, Dr. Cox? Dr. Cox.
Dr. Cox: Oh, I'm sorry. Here I was in my own little world, talking to myself and dreaming about candy bracelets.
J.D.: I don't like candy bracelets.
J.D.: [v.o.] I love them! Now you gotta grab that elevator. But not without giving him his patented shoulder bump.
J.D.: Good day. [bumps into Dr. Cox, falls over] Ow! How you like me now?

Turk: Look, the 'do-rag still has the juice, okay? I mean, can you imagine what could happen without it?
[fantasy: Turk and Dr. Wen are in surgery:]
Turk: I can't find any kind of obstruction.
Dr. Wen: Keep looking. It must be there.
[Randall pops out of the patient's cavity and punches Turk in the nuts]
Turk: I felt it!
[reality:]
J.D.: Powerful, tiny fists.
Turk: Hmph.
J.D.: He's back.

Dr. Kelso: Nurse Espinosa, your shift ended nine minutes ago. How is it that your time card isn't punched out?
Carla: Well, sir, I-
Turk: Dr. Kelso, how is it that you had an ambulance take you to your dinner reservation last night just so you wouldn't lose it?
Dr. Kelso: How do you know that?
Turk: Because I'm the "homeboy" you screamed at to get my "ghetto-mobile" off the road.
Dr. Kelso: [sighs, walks away]

Dr. Cox: Look, Carol, I know you think you look dashing in your navy blue scrubs, but I can't deal with the fact that I walk into the front door of this place and I find you standing there talking at me.
J.D.: All I said was "good morning".
Dr. Cox: Exactly! And who in God's name wants to hear that every day?! "Good morning." In the immortal words of Daffy Duck: I demand that you shoot me now. If only.

J.D.: [v.o.] I couldn't help but think two things. First, I do look stunning in these navy scrubs. I mean, come on, who wants a taste? Second, everyone's day begins differently around here. The surgeons for instance are the most superstitious bunch. So they always start their mornings with an oddly homo-erotic ass slap.
Turk: Dude, too deep!
J.D.: [v.o.] And then their own personal good luck rituals.
Turk: Oh, where's my lucky Tabasco 'do-rag!?
J.D.: Why don't you just use Power Rangers?
Turk: How are Power Rangers as lucky as Tabasco?
J.D.: You remember when communications with Zordon went down and the Megazord was destroyed?
Turk: How did I miss that episode? Oh, that's right, I was making love to a woman.
J.D.: Power Rangers, ho!

[J.D. bumps into Nurse Roberts, knocking the smoothies she was carrying to the ground]
Janitor: Okay, who do I kill?
J.D.: [whispers] She did it!
Janitor: Man, I don't wanna clean this up!
Nurse Roberts: Well, then, I think you picked the wrong day to be the janitor.

J.D.: [v.o.] And insignificant events can lead to significant events. Like me being on time and Dr. Cox being late for a change.
Dr. Kelso: Where the hell is Dr. Cox? His shift started four minutes ago!
J.D.: [v.o.] Uh-oh. You've gotta cover for him.
[fantasy: As J.D. starts playing the banjo, Dr. Kelso dances]
J.D.: Have to learn to play the banjo.
Dr. Kelso: Dammit, son, are you listening to me?
J.D.: Yes, sir!
J.D.: [v.o.] And buy a banjo.

J.D.: Uh, Dr. Kelso? That's my pen.
Dr. Cox: Nice grab.
J.D.: Well, I'm a lefty.
Dr. Cox: You know, my head's probably going to melt when I say this but Kelso's idea wasn't half bad. Letting you run this place for a day would be a great educational experience. And, come on, let's face facts. The training bra's got to come off eventually. So, it's your show, Debbie. Is this moment just the way you always pictured it?
[fantasy: J.D. playing with Dr. Cox and J.D. action figures:]
J.D.: [as Cox] It's your show, Debbie. Is this moment just like you always pictured? [J.D.'s head falls off] Stupid homemade dolls.
[reality:]
J.D.: It's a little bigger.

J.D.: [v.o.] In the end, it's the "what ifs" that hurt the most. Like, what if things had gone a little differently?
Dr. Cox: Look it, it's just that aortic dissections are a doctor's worst nightmare. If you don't catch 'em early, there's about a ninety percent mortality rate. I mean, honestly, unless your patient was lucky enough to trip and fall into a CAT-scan machine, he wasn't gonna have a happy ending. Newbie, we didn't have a chance on this one.

J.D.: [v.o.] And insignificant events can lead to significant events. Like me being late because I was in the world's longest handshake.
J.D.: Sorry I'm late. What'd I miss?
Dr. Cox: Take a wild guess.
[fantasy: Dr. Cox plays the banjo as Dr. Kelso plays the washboard]
J.D.: [v.o.] I should get Turk a washboard!