Scrubs Quote of the Day

Tuesday, October 27, 2020

Quote from J.D. in My Lucky Night

Janitor: Hey, come here a sec. We want to do stuff to you.
J.D.: [v.o.] Crap. The Janitor. And he's with Sloppy Joe Guy! Okay, just distract them before they do whatever they've got planned!
Janitor: We were thinkin'.
J.D.: I've got a riddle for you!
Troy: This isn't how you said it would go.
Janitor: Troy! We're listening.
J.D.: Two coins add up to thirty cents and one of them is not a nickel.
Janitor: So what are they?
J.D.: It's a riddle. You figure it out.
Janitor: Troy, get your hat. We're going to the bank.

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Recent Quotes

Monday, October 26, 2020

Quote from Dr. Kelso in My Common Enemy

Dr. Kelso: Oh, Dr. Clock. Uh, look, I'm afraid I wasn't being honest with you before. In my job, it seems like I'm always the bad guy. Hard as this is to admit, it gets to me sometimes. The point is, the antidepressants I asked you to prescribe weren't for my wife, they were for me.
Dr. Molly Clock: Oh, I understand. So what dosage are you on?
[flashback:]
Enid: [o.s.] Where are my Fig Newtons, Bob?!
Dr. Kelso: I'm getting them, dear!
[present:]
Dr. Kelso: About half a Newton?
Dr. Molly Clock: No dice.

Sunday, October 25, 2020

Quote from Ted in My New Coat

J.D.: Ted, you seem different.
Ted: I bought some relaxation tapes. They're working.
J.D.: A patient's blaming me for losing his sense of smell.
Ted: God, you cut off someone's nose? Where is it? Do you have it on you? You're disgusting.
J.D.: No, I just gave him IV imipenem.
Ted: Kelso's gonna blame me. Just get rid of the nose.
J.D.: Ted. Ted, I don't have the nose. Maybe you should calm down.
Ted: Maybe you should calm down!

Saturday, October 24, 2020

Quote from Elliot in My Therapeutic Month

Elliot: Do you know how lucky you are to have a husband? I mean, I've got a brand new home, I am totally ready to start my life, but I just don't know if Keith is marriage material. My mom thinks I should test his love by saying I'm knocked up. If he doesn't propose on the spot, I just demand that he gives me $600 for the abortion, dump him, and ease my sadness with a brand-new pair of Jimmy Choos. That's how she got her red shoe collection in college.

Friday, October 23, 2020

Quote from Dr. Cox in My Dream Job

Dr. Cox: Hey, Betty, Wilma. What the hell? You're only 40 minutes late. Do I smell beer?
J.D.: Oh, we had a few.
Dr. Cox: Newsflash: you can't drink and then come to work. You're not airline pilots.
J.D.: Look, Dr. Cox.
Dr. Cox: No, you look. If someone had asked me just this morning, is there any way that I could have any less respect for you two geniuses, I would have said, "No, no, that's not possible". But lo and behold, you pulled it off. Congratulations. The only problem is I'm fresh out of blue ribbons, so instead you're going to have to settle for a lifetime supply of my foot up your ass. Now, go home. You're not fit to work tonight.

Thursday, October 22, 2020

Quote from Elliot in My New Coat

Elliot: I've never done anything like this. I just met him and slept with him.
Mrs. Bumbry: God, I miss one-night stands.
Elliot: The best thing was, since I knew it was just a fling, I wasn't afraid to ask him for exactly what I wanted.
Carla: Which was?
Elliot: Shirt on, lights off, no talking.

Wednesday, October 21, 2020

Quote from Dr. Cox in My Fifteen Minutes

Dr. Cox: I would like to make special mention of one intern here, John Dorian. Smart kid, extremely competent, and his enthusiasm and his determination to always be better is something I see in him 24 hours a day. He cares. Probably cares too much. But he's definitely somebody you don't want to lose. Now, if you have any questions, well I could give a crap, I'm goin' home. You all get paid too much for doing nothing.

Upcoming Quotes

Wednesday, October 28, 2020

A quote from Ted in the episode My New Coat.

Thursday, October 29, 2020

A quote from Turk in the episode My Soul on Fire: Part 1.

Friday, October 30, 2020

A quote from Dr. Cox in the episode My Balancing Act.

Saturday, October 31, 2020

A quote from Elliot in the episode My Comedy Show.

Sunday, November 1, 2020

A quote from Dr. Cox in the episode My Tormented Mentor.