Scrubs Quote of the Day

Thursday, December 9, 2021

Quote from J.D. in My Intern's Eyes

J.D.: [v.o.] Yep! Life was different.
Man: Hey! Did you take my Porsche from the valet?
J.D.: [v.o.] This didn't feel like my scooter.
J.D.: Ow! Look, no harm done. Here are your driving glasses, here's your driving scarf and here are your driving gloves. Fine, here's your driving sock.
J.D.: [v.o.] I didn't care, because now that I'm an attending, I had picked out a whole new look.

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Recent Quotes

Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Quote from Janitor in My Point of No Return

Elliot: Hey! And you, you're the only one that hasn't RSVP'd to my wedding yet. What the hell?
Janitor: I didn't know I was invited.
Elliot: But I sent your invitation to... 1 North Cemetery Drive.
Janitor: That's the address of The Addams Family. I changed my records to mess with Kelso because he's always calling me Lurch. It was either that or 1313 Mockingbird Lane. The Munsters. TV show? I'm old.
Elliot: So, can you make it?
Janitor: You crazy? I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Tuesday, December 7, 2021

Quote from Ted in My First Day

Ted: Finally, doctors, if there is a mistake, don't admit it to the patient. Of course, if the patient is deceased, and you're sure, you can feel free to tell him or her anything. [nervous chuckle]

Monday, December 6, 2021

Quote from Dr. Kelso in Her Story

Carla: Oh, hey, Turk, would you pour me a cup of decaf, please? We gotta go to bed early tonight.
Dr. Kelso: I'll have some of that decaf, son.
Turk: Sir, see, this is regular. Yeah, I gotta give Carla the strong stuff just to keep her awake so I can stay up a little later.
Dr. Kelso: Ah, drugging your own wife. Been there. Careful, though. Starts out with coffee, next thing you know, you're rooting around the nightstand for an adrenaline shot to counteract a Valium overdose.

Sunday, December 5, 2021

Quote from Ted in My Fifteen Minutes

Dr. Cox: Isn't that right, Ted?
Ted: Definitely, sir. You'd certainly be vulnerable from a legal standpoint, however.
Dr. Kelso: How vulnerable?
Ted: Sir, that lawsuit would be over so quickly, I'd recommend you takecab fare to the courthouse, since Dr. Turk will be driving your Beamer home to his place. [Turk laughs]
Dr. Kelso: Hippie.
Ted: God, that felt good.
Turk: Who's the man?
Ted: Is it me?
Turk: Damn right it's you. [goes to high-five Ted, who initially cowers]
Ted: Oh, right. It's me.

Saturday, December 4, 2021

Quote from Carla in My Self-Examination

Carla: And most of all, I wish our mom was with us tonight. Not because she was taken too early, but because she would see how happy you've made me, and she would love you forever for that. And Christopher?
Turk: Yes?
Carla: I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but you've managed to erase them all, because each and every one of them has led me to you.

Friday, December 3, 2021

Quote from J.D. in My Office

Dr. Cox: Newbie, how ya doin'?
J.D.: [v.o.] Keep it together. It's be a man time.
J.D.: No, no. I totally understand. Come on, you did what you had to do. You went with your gut. Elliot's a great doctor. I do have three questions, though. Why do you hate me when I show you nothing but love? Who's gonna tell my mom? And what the hell am I supposed to do with ten thousand "John Dorian, Chief Resident" business cards!? [throws cards up in the air]
Dr. Cox: Yeah, Scarlett? You're chief resident, too.
J.D.: Uh, what now?

Upcoming Quotes

Friday, December 10, 2021

A quote from Janitor in the episode My Last Chance.

Saturday, December 11, 2021

A quote from Dr. Kelso in the episode My Number One Doctor.

Sunday, December 12, 2021

A quote from Dr. Kelso in the episode My Common Enemy.

Monday, December 13, 2021

A quote from Dr. Cox in the episode My Words of Wisdom.

Tuesday, December 14, 2021

A quote from Turk in the episode My Fault.