Scrubs Quote of the Day

Sunday, May 29, 2022

Quote from Jordan in My Last Day

Elliot: He doesn't have insurance, so if you could talk to the other members of board today at the meeting, J.D. thought maybe-
Jordan: J.D. thought? First he dumps that patient on you, and now he wants you to ask me a favor? Honey, if you don't start saying no to him soon, you're gonna wind up on the losing end of a little game I like to call Hide The Pickle.
Elliot: Oh, J.D. and I are just colleagues.
Jordan: Oh, my God. I was just joking, but you actually slept with him, didn't you?
Elliot: [scoffs] A little.
Jordan: Look, I don't know where your mother was when she should have been telling you these things, but you cannot have sex with someone you care about. Sex is for making babies and revenge.

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Recent Quotes

Saturday, May 28, 2022

Quote from J.D. in My Intern's Eyes

J.D.: [v.o.] Yep! Life was different.
Man: Hey! Did you take my Porsche from the valet?
J.D.: [v.o.] This didn't feel like my scooter.
J.D.: Ow! Look, no harm done. Here are your driving glasses, here's your driving scarf and here are your driving gloves. Fine, here's your driving sock.
J.D.: [v.o.] I didn't care, because now that I'm an attending, I had picked out a whole new look.

Friday, May 27, 2022

Quote from Elliot in My Therapeutic Month

Elliot: Do you know how lucky you are to have a husband? I mean, I've got a brand new home, I am totally ready to start my life, but I just don't know if Keith is marriage material. My mom thinks I should test his love by saying I'm knocked up. If he doesn't propose on the spot, I just demand that he gives me $600 for the abortion, dump him, and ease my sadness with a brand-new pair of Jimmy Choos. That's how she got her red shoe collection in college.

Thursday, May 26, 2022

Quote from Janitor in My Friend the Doctor

Janitor: [British accent] Evenin' governor! What's up your bum?
J.D.: You know why I wanted that to be you in The Fugitive? Because it would mean you used to be a guy who had dreams and ambitions. And even though things didn't work out the way you'd hoped, at least it would explain why you are the way you are and make you human. But instead, it turns out you're nothing more than a a jerk who just likes to mess with people for no reason. [walks away]
Janitor: Kimble! You tell anybody, I'll kill ya.

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Quote from Dr. Kelso in My Hypocritical Oath

Elliot: Go ahead. Call me sweetheart and tell me I'm a pathetic excuse for a doctor.
Dr. Kelso: You made a bold decision and it bit you in the keister.
Elliot: Yeah.
Dr. Kelso: I don't like people disagreeing with me. There's not another resident here who has the guts to do it.
Elliot: I just feel so guilty about Mr. Cheng. Could you at least just make fun of my bangs or something?
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, take it from a colleague, telling that family what happened after getting their hopes up is going to be far worse than any shot I can take at that John Denver haircut you're sporting.
Elliot: Did- Did you just call me a colleague?
Dr. Kelso: I did. But I hate my colleagues.

Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Quote from Dr. Kelso in My Hypocritical Oath

Elliot: Go ahead. Call me sweetheart and tell me I'm a pathetic excuse for a doctor.
Dr. Kelso: You made a bold decision and it bit you in the keister.
Elliot: Yeah.
Dr. Kelso: I don't like people disagreeing with me. There's not another resident here who has the guts to do it.
Elliot: I just feel so guilty about Mr. Cheng. Could you at least just make fun of my bangs or something?
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, take it from a colleague, telling that family what happened after getting their hopes up is going to be far worse than any shot I can take at that John Denver haircut you're sporting.
Elliot: Did- Did you just call me a colleague?
Dr. Kelso: I did. But I hate my colleagues.

Monday, May 23, 2022

Quote from Dr. Kelso in My Common Enemy

Dr. Kelso: It's a mystery. Now, our old hospital psychiatrist used to write my wife, Enid, a prescription for crazy pills. He was a dear, dear friend, but he died or moved or something, and now I need you to do the honors.
Dr. Molly Clock: Have her come in for a few sessions, I'll gladly prescribe antidepressants.
Dr. Kelso: That's going to be a problem.
Dr. Molly Clock: Why?
Dr. Kelso: She doesn't know she's taking them.

Upcoming Quotes

Monday, May 30, 2022

A quote from Janitor in the episode My Buddy's Booty.

Tuesday, May 31, 2022

A quote from Janitor in the episode My Jiggly Ball.

Wednesday, June 1, 2022

A quote from Elliot in the episode My New God.

Thursday, June 2, 2022

A quote from Janitor in the episode My Old Lady.

Friday, June 3, 2022

A quote from Janitor in the episode My Saving Grace.