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46Quotes from ‘Our Histories’

Scrubs: Our Histories

904. Our Histories

Aired December 15, 2009

Denise tells Lucy, Cole, Drew and Maya to hold final interviews with dying patients before they go out to party. Meanwhile, J.D. and Turk get dressed up to hit the town, and Dr. Kelso says goodbye to Ted as he prepares to leave the hospital.

Quote from Ted

Dr. Kelso: Oops. That's not my drink. It's good, though. Methinks it's quitting time. Good night, gooch. Ted. [shakes hand] Ted?
Ted: That's it? I've been your whipping boy for eight years, and all I get before I disappear forever is a wet, clammy handshake? And, yes, I know that's from my hand, not yours. And, yes, I know that we've never really been friends. And, yes, I know that the Gooch is way too attractive for me. That's not relevant right now. It's just always on my mind. Please don't leave me for a baritone.
Stephanie: I won't.
Dr. Kelso: Ted, I'm so hammered that the only thing I can think about are those 30-cent hot dogs at the gas station, so wrap it up.
Ted: You owe me more than a handshake. Let's go, honey.

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Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: I can't believe it's been 12 years since we started medical school.
Turk: We're getting old, Kemo Sabe.
Dr. Cox: Well, thank you, Lord. Now you do realize You could've saved yourself a lot of embarrassment and a lot of time and about seven stitches if you'd just admitted to that a little earlier. Of course, it wouldn't have been as much fun for me, and I damn sure wouldn't have gotten this terrific screensaver.
Turk: He's gonna want a copy of that.
J.D.: No, I won't.
J.D.: [v.o.] Hello, Christmas cards!
Dr. Cox: There's nothing wrong with getting older. So do yourself a favor: get a prostate exam, stop wearing ironic t-shirts and just let it happen.

Quote from Ted

Stephanie: Ted, you're not gonna just walk out without saying good-bye to anyone, are you?
Ted: Aw, nobody cares. [crowd applauds]
J.D.: We're gonna miss you.
Dr. Cox: All the best, Ted.
Dr. Kelso: Is this more like what you were looking for?
Ted: Thank you, sir. Oh, uh, forgot my keys. I'll be right back! Oh, got 'em! [crowd has dispersed] Aw. This is more appropriate.
Dr. Kelso: I'm gonna miss you. Bye, Ted.
Ted: Good-bye, Bob. Well, honey, uh, play me out. [The Gooch plays "The Final Countdown"]


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