Trending ‘Scrubs’ Quotes

Quote from Janitor in My Happy Place

Whitney: Paycheck time, everyone!
Todd: Come on, Whitney. I like it when you do it like Oprah.
Whitney: Fine. [Oprah voice] Who wants to get a paycheck? You get a paycheck. You get a paycheck. You get a paycheck!
Ted: You got to go, man! Everybody's going to see when she doesn't have a check for you. It'll be humiliating. Look, you can't just say things are going to work out, and then they do. That's not how the world-
Janitor: Excuse me. I didn't get mine.
Whitney: Who are you?
Janitor: I'm the janitor. See? Actually, I'm the old janitor. I replaced the janitor that replaced me. So, I'm still in the system.
Whitney: I'll go get you a check.
Janitor: Didn't mean to cut you off, Ted. You were saying?

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Quote from Turk in My Own Worst Enemy

Elliot: Hey, I'm sorry for barging in so late, I hope I didn't interrupt anything important-
Turk: Actually, since I'm diabetic, Carla only lets me eat one candy bar every six months, so she was helping me choose which one to go with. First, we cut out all candy that sounds remotely racist, which includes all dark chocolate, and I know this sounds weird but, Jujubes. Then Carla was like "What about Junior Mints?", and I was like "Junior Mints?" Baby, if I want my candy to freshen my breath, I'd just lap some toothpaste on a whatchamacallit bar and go to town on that bad boy, you know what I'm saying? She knows I'm changing the subject 'cause she's sad. Come here, come here, Elliot. [they hug]
Elliot: No.
Turk: Okay. [walks away]
Carla: What did he ask you?
Elliot: Oh, he just wanted to know if there's anything I needed.
Carla: Elliott?
Elliot: He asked me if they still make Mars bars.

Quote from Dr. Cox in My Clean Break

J.D.: [v.o.] I know it's a cliche, but sailors say that it is indeed the calm before the storm that lets you know that danger's coming. [Dr. Cox growls] Uh-oh.
Dr. Cox: First off, let me just say thank you. For the last couple of months I have been adrift in a sea of puppy dogs, lollipops, and, let's face it, mediocre metaphors. Luckily, you people were kind enough to piss all over learning a procedure that could determine whether some poor sucker lives or dies, and that reminded me of something that I wanted to remind you of. Because, you see, I am accountable. I am accountable for the continuous, crashing, undeniable amateurism that you people drag into this hospital day in and day out. And believe you me when I tell you that the next time one of you perpetual disappointments doesn't even have the common decency to try and do better at something you supposedly do, I will go ahead and toss your sorry ass out of here in about ten seconds and then I will forget you forever in the next five.

Quote from Jordan in Their Story

Keith: I love you.
Elliot: I love you too.
Jordan: Wow, what the hell was that?
Elliot: I finally told Keith I loved him.
Jordan: Now that you've said what he wants hear, he doesn't have to work for it. It's like when guys are really trying to sleep with you. When you finally give it up, there are no more flowers. Next thing you know, it's 20 years later, and you're standing over him while he sleeps, your third Martini in one hand and a steak knife in the other. And sure, he's taking his sleeping pills, so you can slice his arm open a little bit without waking him up. But it's not satisfying, and you know why? Because you've lost the power. Hey Per-Per! Did you figure out what happened to your arm?
Dr. Cox: Nope.
Jordan: Phew.
Elliot: Yes, phew.