Lady: Hey. Do you have a second?
Janitor: Oh honey, I would love to but I'm just right in the middle of something. [to Carla and Turk] Anyway, between the weak American dollar and the, uh you know low interest rates, I think you'd be absolute fools not to buy a house right now. And-and-and the subprime mortgage foreclosures have just made it a complete buyer's market. [exits]
Carla: What the hell was that?
Turk: I don't know. But it kinda made sense.

Dr. Cox: Say, Zeltzer, my family is with me here today, but all the tables are full. Do you mind if we join you for breakfast?
Dr. Zelzter: Not at all. I get family. I'm here so much I hardly ever see my wife. That's why I installed a web camera at my house so I can see her during the day. Right now, I'm watching her do the dishes.
Dr. Cox: Who in god's name are those two naked people?
Dr. Zelzter: That's Mr. and Mrs. Dish.
Dr. Cox: Get out!

Dr. Cox: Hi, poppy.
Jordan: FYI, I fired the cashier and the person that made the scrambled eggs. Their accents were unintelligible.
Dr. Cox: What are you talking about?
Jordan: Oh, it's one of the benefits of you being the Chief of Medicine. I can fire people under your auspices. Also, I didn't have to pay for food.
Jack: I got three steaks.
Dr. Cox: Jordan, that's rid- Give me one of these.

Dr. Cox: Why isn't he in preschool right now?
Jordan: Oh, 'cause he told me they have the day off for Yom Kippur.
Dr. Cox: Yom Kippur was six months ago.
Jack: I hate school!
Dr. Cox: Never have been more proud of you.

Janitor: Holding hands isn't so hard, is it? I guess something's wrong between me and Lady.
Todd: Dibs. Who's Lady?
Janitor: Apparently she's not a fan of hand holding. And that's what couples do. That and sleep head to toe. I'm just not sure she's the one.
Janitor: Zeltzer, when were you sure your wife was the one?
Dr. Zelzter: That was our fourth date over at her place. We were sitting by the fire, just staring into each other's eyes. And I knew then in there that she was the one. I would have told her, but I had a rubber ball in my mouth.
Janitor: I've just been Zeltzered.

Jordan: Are you trying to annoy me by wearing your wedding ring? Because all you really needed to do was wear that "Who farted?" T-shirt.
Dr. Cox: Now, hun. And when I say hun, I don't mean the short for honey kind, but rather the Attila kind. Despite the fact that wearing our wedding ring may actually annoy you, which don't get me wrong is one of the most stupendous perks in the history of the planet, the truth is I'm wearing it because I want to.
Jordan: So that's it, you're just gonna ignore me?
Dr. Cox: As much as I'll ignore the opening of Hugh Jackman's next cinematic excretion. Jordan, come one. Bottom line, I'm not telling anyone we're married, this isn't for other people, it's It's for me, which begs the question, why on earth would you care?

Janitor: Well, you were right. Lady and I are doomed. Congratulations, Pam.
Jordan: You think my name is Pam? You know what, I don't care. I have my own problems.
Janitor: The worst part is things were really going great between us.
Jordan: Tell me about it. Perry and I finally got to the place where we could have sex facing each other.
Janitor: I finally got so comfortable with her that I was able to be the real me. I even told her I don't want to have kids. I just want to adopt a really short old guy. You know what, if she wants to break up with me, that's fine. I'm just gonna dump her first.

Lady: Oh, babe. You got a little smudge there. What is that, strawberry jam?
Janitor: No, just a little blood from shaving.
Lady: Oh. Sweety.
Janitor: Oh, don't worry. I wasn't shaving myself.

Dr. Cox: Say, Jack? Don't your think your mom should be just a little embarrassed since she's constantly being outwitted by a 4-year old?
Jack: I hate school!
Dr. Cox: I remember.
Jordan: Can you please not be a jackass in front of the help? [looks at the Janitor]

Lady: I'm gonna get going.
Janitor: Okay. We're still on for tonight, right?
Lady: I'll answer that with this. [kisses the janitor]
Janitor: I don't know what that means.
Lady: You're so cute! [exits]
Janitor: I'm actually baffled. Am I gonna see her tonight or not?
Jordan: Was either one of us giving you a vibe that we gave a crap? Because if so, that's an accident and we're sorry.
Janitor: Apology accepted. You know, just because Lady and I are clicking and you guys aren't doesn't matter really.