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‘My Soul on Fire: Part 2’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Scrubs: My Soul on Fire: Part 2

815. My Soul on Fire: Part 2

Aired April 15, 2009

On the day of the Janitor and Lady's wedding, there's trouble in paradise for J.D. and Elliot, Turk and Carla, and Dr. Cox and Jordan.

Quote from Turk

J.D.: What's up, Blaquaman?
Turk: I think I just saw a mermaid.
J.D.: Maybe you just spooked it. Oh, cute looking eel.
Turk: No, I'm naked.
J.D.: Alright, that's you.
Turk: I was supposed to meet Carla out here for a little "surf and Turk". Took off my swim trunks. These bad boys just floated away.
J.D.: Elliot's mad at me because I didn't say "I love you" right. You know what? That eel is looking at me funny, I'm gonna switch over here.
Turk: Yeah, he's got a mind of his own.

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Quote from Doug

Janitor: If I'm gonna have a ceremony, I just need a little help. Go sunscreen up again and call an emergency meeting of the Brain Trust. Island style. Where's Todd?
Ted: Last time I saw him, he was stuffing seaweed into his bathing suit.
Janitor: Sure. Where's Doug?
Ted: Oh, no! I forgot to give him his invite.
[meanwhile, back at the hospital:]
Doug: He's getting married and he didn't invite any of us? Oh come on! And carrying around your invitation is just stupid! You look stupid!

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: Alright. Welcome to the 2nd international meeting of the Brain Trust. I'll begin this as I began the meeting six years ago in Guatemala. I'm getting married tomorrow. And I need help. Ted, you're in charge of location and music. Todd, you are in charge of locating a Justice of the Peace and finding a sea turtle to serve as a ring bearer. Any questions?
Todd: [rubs celery stick on Ted's nose and eats it] Yeah. Who is this dude?
Janitor: That is Ira. As per our bylaws, the Brain Trust must always have a fourth. Plus he can speak to dolphins. Or so he says.
Ira: Drink. Drink.
Janitor: The man's a born leader.
Ira: Drink!
Janitor: You know what? Let's-
Ira: Drink, damn it!

Quote from J.D.

Janitor: [v.o.] Time to smooth things over with Elliot.
J.D.: [jumps on bed] Seagull!

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: [recording] Here's the incredibly breathtaking view of Hope Town, and... Well, what do you know? It's J.D. What's he doing here? Well, he made me change my wedding plans. And as punishment, he's got to spend ten minutes on top of this lighthouse.
J.D.: That's all I gotta do?
Janitor: That's it, my friend.
J.D.: Then how come I got this fish taped to my hands? Seagulls!

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: I just wanna say something before we kiss, okay? And thanks for coming, even though I didn't want you here. I know that I'm weird. But, you know, you'd be weird too if your mother aged backwards like mine did. So the thing is that I always kind of figured that I would end up alone. And then you came along. And you don't just accept my quirks and my crazy stories and my lies about my mom, you actually appreciate me for them. And I don't think I'll ever stop appreciating you for that. But I know that I'll never stop loving you for it.
Lady: I love you too.
J.D.: [v.o.] And right then, we all realized the value of the romantic gesture. From one person who loves someone to another.

Quote from J.D.

Elliot: God, it's so beautiful here.
J.D.: Look, Elliot. I don't know if it's possible for me to put how I feel about you into words. But I guess I'll give it a shot. I had never really believed I'd find somebody that I'd love as much as you. I love you more than anything in the whole world. I love you- I love you more than Turk.
Elliot: Oh, my God.
J.D.: I know. That's even hard for me to say but it's true. I had to wrestle him to the ground to get this, but it’s more important for you to have it. Look at me. You're my dream girl.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

J.D.: [v.o.] The second we got to the Abacos for the Janitor's wedding, Dr. Kelso, well, h set up shop at the bar.
Man: That's the best Bahama Mama I've ever had.
Dr. Kelso: I'll be the judge of that. Hi, Bob Kelso. Excuse me. Mercy. [to the bartender] If you would be so kind as to store this for me, we could get this party started. One Bahama Mama, please. [to the man] You can have this back when mine comes.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: Book Doug into the next "Dealing with rejection" seminar in my garage. 80 bucks.
Ted: 80 bucks? Can I take the class?
Janitor: No room for you, Ted.
Ted: Oh, man!
Janitor: That's not dealing with rejection. I can work wonders with you, my friend. One hundred bucks.
Ted: Hundred bucks! Sweet!

Quote from Ted

Ted: [spits out] This salad tastes like sunscreen.
Janitor: That's because you put sunscreen on it.
Ted: Oh, man! I put Ranch on my face.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Jordan: So you just wasted a whole vacation day pretending to work just to mess with me?
Dr. Cox: I recall you saying that you were happy I couldn't spend time with you.
Jordan: You knew I wasn't serious. That's how we interact. That's our thing.
Dr. Cox: You know what? I'm sick of pretending we don't like each other, it is distinctly not fun anymore. Would you like to know why? Because A, we are over 12. And B, we actually do like each other. In fact, brace yourself, we love each other.

Quote from Turk

Turk: I can't believe you left me out there yesterday. I was in the ocean for so long I had jellyfish stings on my ding-a-ling.

Quote from Turk

Carla: I had to make sure Izzy fell asleep.
Turk: Why do you have to be a mommy all the time?
Carla: I still make sure you get sex at least once a week.
Turk: Yeah, but you always start with "This has to be quickie". Why do you always say that? Baby, we both know my "longies" aren't that long. I gotta be honest with you, sometimes it makes me feel like you don't love me.
Carla: On behalf of all women, I just want to thank you for equating sex with love. We think it's awesome when you do that.
Turk: You're welcome.

Quote from Doug

[As the Janitor phones from the Bahamas, Doug is in a drawer in the morgue]
Doug: Hey, dude.
Janitor: I guess you're pretty bummed about the wedding mix-up, huh?
Doug: No, man. I got a lot going on here. So what's it like there? Is it awesome?
Janitor: It's pretty awesome.
Doug: Yeah, I thought it would be.
Janitor: You know what, pal? I'm gonna stay on this phone with you until- I gotta go.
Doug: Carol, close me up.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: You already know I love you. I shouldn't have to make some crazy gesture. I'm not a big fan of those.
Elliot: You went online for three hours and spent a fortune getting a tiki for Turk.
J.D.: Elliot, I don't really think $456 for an actual faux marble imitation tiki is a fortune.
Elliot: Was that total or each?
J.D.: That's irrelevant.

Quote from Carla

Carla: And do you want to know why I'm a mommy all the time?
Turk: Please.
Carla: It's because I am a mommy. All the time. I have a baby at home. I have one in here. And I have another one, who expects me to work, raise his kids, buy his clothes, make his food, run his life and still have all the energy in the world left to sex him up every night. Even though his longies are actually pretty damn long.
Turk: I know, right?

Quote from Jordan

Jordan: You obviously know how I feel about you. Why are you trying to change me? This, that works for us. Remember when my dog died and you told me he went to doggy hell? And then you said my mom was gonna go to doggy hell too when she died.
Dr. Cox: Because of her dog face.
Jordan: Right. I wanted to do you right there in the vet's office. Why are you trying to change our dynamic? I don't want to.
Dr. Cox: Suit yourself. Just leave me alone.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: Payback time. Let's go.
J.D.: But I- Really?
J.D.: Let's go.
Lady: Bye boys!
J.D.: You're okay with this?
Janitor: I gotta let my man be my man.

Quote from Ted

Dr. Kelso: Good morning, Gary. One Bahama Mama, please. And if you could, the electric razor from my bag. Thanks. For god's sake, Ted, get some sun.
Ted: I've not sunscreened up yet.
Dr. Kelso: Live a little.
[Ted steps out from the bar and basks in the sun's rays]
Ted: It's warmer than I thought.
[Ted turns back after ten seconds, completely sunburt]
Ted: Damn you, Mother Earth! Damn you! [Kelso shaves off Ted's flaking skin with his razor] Why?!

Quote from Jordan

Lady: I just wanna look great for my honey bunny. That's my nickname for him. He also loves it cause it's his favorite sandwich. I feel like I finally found the perfect man, you know?
Jordan: Oh, please. There's no such thing. Look at Perry. He pretends he's cold and emotionless, but underneath he's a sweet guy who wants to talk about our relationship all the time.
Carla: Face it. Men are just gassy, selfish, sex-crazed egomaniacs who were put on this earth to make your life miserable, that's it.
Lady: I'm getting married in, like, ten minutes.
Jordan: Ah, you'll live.

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