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35Quotes from ‘My New Coat’

Scrubs: My New Coat

205. My New Coat

Aired October 24, 2002

Feeling more confident around the hospital, J.D. starts wearing a white doctors' coat. Meanwhile, Elliot gets a reputation after hooking up with a surgeon, and Turk feels left out of the boys' club that is surgery.

Quote from Ted

J.D.: Ted, you seem different.
Ted: I bought some relaxation tapes. They're working.
J.D.: A patient's blaming me for losing his sense of smell.
Ted: God, you cut off someone's nose? Where is it? Do you have it on you? You're disgusting.
J.D.: No, I just gave him IV imipenem.
Ted: Kelso's gonna blame me. Just get rid of the nose.
J.D.: Ted. Ted, I don't have the nose. Maybe you should calm down.
Ted: Maybe you should calm down!

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Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] And then I did something I've never done before.
J.D.: Look, doctor, if you flipped the page you'd see that I pan cultured him yesterday, but that would probably get in the way of the peverse pleasure you take in pointing out other people's slip-ups. Well, too bad, Buster Brown, because I'm a resident now and I'm not gonna be making the same silly intern mistakes I made last year. I'd appreciate if you wouldn't stand here and yell at me in front of my patient.
Dr. Cox: Buster Brown?
J.D.: Buster brown.
J.D.: [v.o.] Focus all energy on lip not quivering.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: How's it going?
J.D.: You can't wear that.
Janitor: You mean after Labor Day?
J.D.: You know what I mean.
Janitor: It's a white coat. Anybody can wear a white coat.
J.D.: Jerk.
Janitor: [to the patient] You're what we call "a goner." I'm kidding. There's nothing here.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: I was paged.
Nurse Roberts: Patient's complaining of anosmia.
J.D.: Anosmia? You know, I always thought it was very funny that losing your sense of smell was called anosmia. Anosmia, you know, like Schnozmia. Don't you find that very funny? He doesn't.
Nurse Roberts: I'm calling Dr. Cox.
J.D.: Nobody needs to call Dr. Cox.
Mr. Blair: This is only temporary, right?
J.D.: Of course it's temporary. Could also be slightly more untemporary.
Mr. Blair: You mean permanent.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: I'm thrilled you approve, but, for the last time, I'm up here. I'm up here. [whistles] I'm up here.
J.D.: You were wrong. I was right.
Dr. Cox: I beg your pardon?
J.D.: Anosmia isn't a side-effect of IV imipenem. Plus, Mr. Blair had multiple nasal polypectomies and septoplasty and his loss of smell is most likely caused by repeated manipulation of his sinuses and the concurrent infection, so I didn't make a mistake, and you were wrong when you said, "Nice going, Newbie."
Dr. Cox: Here you've put me in a tough situation. I can't honestly decide whether to say "duh" or "doy" or a very sarcastic, "Oh, really?" My God, Fiona. I know it wasn't your fault. Hell, the patient probably knows. But he seemed a little distraught. Like maybe being able to blame somebody for a second or two might make him feel a little bit better. And, I know, maybe it's me, but doesn't that seem like something that goes along with wearing that fancy white coat? It does, doesn't it?
J.D.: Kinda.
Dr. Cox: I'm so proud of you. Put it there. [whistles] Woof.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: I was in the military.
J.D.: Where did you come from?
Janitor: If I find out you're wearing a bronzy without having served, I'll make things uncomfortable for you.
J.D.: [v.o.] Coat-wearing doctors do not take this crap.
J.D.: You were never in the military.
Janitor: Yes, I was.
J.D.: Which branch?
Janitor: The janitor branch.
J.D.: I'm watching you. That's right, Sasquatch.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: I've never done anything like this. I just met him and slept with him.
Mrs. Bumbry: God, I miss one-night stands.
Elliot: The best thing was, since I knew it was just a fling, I wasn't afraid to ask him for exactly what I wanted.
Carla: Which was?
Elliot: Shirt on, lights off, no talking.

Quote from Ted

Dr. Cox: I'm waiting.
Ted: Unfortunately, you've put us in somewhat of a legal bind.
Dr. Kelso: Way to go, Ted. Good God, man, you couldn't scare a child.
Ted: Who would want to?

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: So Mrs. Bumbry here has inflammatory bowel disease, huh?
Carla: And the drug they're testing at the clinical trial could help. But of course she doesn't qualify.
Dr. Cox: You OK, Mrs. Bumbry?
Mrs. Bumbry: I liked Bow Wow when he was Lil' Bow Wow.
Dr. Cox: Oh, she's so right. You know, rappers, they grow up so fast. Look, Carla, if you're gonna survive in medicine, you've gotta accept rules are rules. Hey, anyone from that clinical trial around? [whistles] Hello! Hello! Yeah, this lady's supposed to be in this trial.
Carla: What the hell did you just do?
Dr. Cox: When you speak of this, and I know you will, could I be shirtless? I think it would be even more impressive if I was shirtless.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Carla: Dr. Cox, Dr. Kelso has something he wants to say to you.
Dr. Kelso: So I hear there was an age mix-up, that I was unaware of, and anyway-
Carla: You're OK.
Dr. Kelso: I'm sorry.
J.D.: [v.o.] I guess it comes down to how we want to be seen by other people.
Dr. Cox: I proud of you, Robert. Put her there. Woof! Oh, and I think it's important you understand I had no idea how old that patient was. And for the record, she could've been 170, I still would've stuck her in that trial so fast it'd make your teeth fall out all over again. [laughs]
Carla: That's perfect.
Dr. Cox: I would too.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Listen closely, Tiny Dancer, I wouldn't be flapping my mouth if I'd forgotten to get a blood culture on Mr. Blair. And for the love of God, do you at least remember what you were doing the day they were passing out common sense? Oh, gosh, maybe you were running late that day 'cause you just couldn't find the right thong for those low-rider jeans you love so much. Or maybe you were bopping along to whatever boy band really makes your heart race nowadays and you just drove on by. Of course, I don't know, I'm just guessing. But one thing's sure shooting. You wound up at the dumb-dumb store and just went ahead and put about as much of that in the car as you could fit, didn't you?

Quote from Nurse Roberts

Nurse Roberts: She slept with him and she hardly knew him.
Mr. Blair: Does that happen a lot around here?
Nurse Roberts: Not enough.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: Mr. Blair, that infection keeps hanging around, so I want to put you on a broader-spectrum antibiotics which we'll administer intravenously.
Mr. Blair: But I'm feeling a lot better.
J.D.: I'm gonna tell you something my mom used to tell me when I was scared. In the case of severe sinus infection not responding to a three-day cycle of antibiotics, the recommended protocol is imipenem, 500 mg, IVQ, six hours. Got me through a lot of hard times.

Quote from Ted

J.D.: My bad.
Ted: Imipenem. Imipenem. Imipenem. "Unlike gentamicin and tetracycline, imipenem has never been associated with anosmia." [sighs manically] My God, we're OK. We're okay.
J.D.: Great. Thank you, Ted.
Ted: It's my birthday.
J.D.: What?
Ted: Nothing. [J.D. exits] And many more...

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: No, Dr. Murray, I don't want any fries to go with this shake. I don't even know what that means.
Noelle: Excuse me, Dr. Reid.
Elliot: What? You want to ask me how many ceiling tiles I've counted? Maybe you want to call me a name like tramp, ho or slesident, which is half slut, half resident.
Noelle: No.
Elliot: Then what is it, Noelle?
Noelle: I just want to know where the G-spot is.
Elliot: The what spot?

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: That girl just asked me to give her my top ten sexual positions, and after the two that I knew, I just started naming insects.
Turk: Elliot, that really sucks. I'm sorry.
Elliot: I'm not sure. I mean, I was mad at you at first. But it's actually kind of empowering to have this persona, this identity. I'm not just some nameless, faceless white doctor, I'm Elliot Reid, tramp.
Turk: Well, that's great. If you're happy, I'm happy.
Elliot: The weird thing is she said she'd already tried stink bug.

Quote from J.D.

Janitor: Oh, so we're done with the coats? Well, it was a fun day, though, wasn't it? See you tomorrow.
J.D.: Maybe tomorrow I'll get a bad haircut and push round a mop all day.
[fantasy:]
J.D.: I know. You don't have to do it, OK?
Opera Singer: [sings] Mistake!
J.D.: Yeah.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Why in the hell are you wearing a coat?
J.D.: 'cause I'm a doctor.
Dr. Cox: Look, Babs, if you're truly worried about people seeing your ass, just go ahead and do what all the other girls do and tie a sweater around your waist.
J.D.: Well, I look doctorly.
Dr. Cox: No, you look like the guy who goes to a garage sale, buys a bronze star, pins it to his lapel and then tells everyone to call him Sarge. And nobody likes that guy. Not a soul.

Quote from Nurse Roberts

Mr. Blair: You got me in the ICU for a cold?
J.D.: Mr. Blair, you have a sever sinus infection with orbital extension. You were admitted delirious from your 106-degree temperature, completely naked and very adamant about staying that way.
Mr. Blair: I was hot.
Nurse Roberts: I'll second that. Mmm-hmm.


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