Elliot: The point is, we were stressed-out and vulnerable and we made a mistake.
J.D.: Four times. And a half, if you count that last thing.
Elliot: By the way, that third time, wow! Where did you learn that?
[flashback:]
Turk: What are you watching, buddy?
J.D.: Animal Planet.
Turk: Why does that one monkey keep biting the other one on the ass?
J.D.: I don't know, but she seems to love it.
[present:]
J.D.: The Congo.

Turk: Are you watching Sesame Street?
Elliot: You know, when I was a kid, I had my first sex dream about Mr. Hooper. At least, I think it was a sex dream. He was trying to choke me.
Turk: Yeah, that's sweet.

Dr. Kelso: Does this name-tag say "Chief of Medicine"?
J.D.: Uh, yes, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Funny. Because that couple back there thought it said "I'm Bob. Ask me about your baby's Johnson." Dammit, In my hospital we do not go out on a limb with our opinions.
Carla: So what, if a patient has questions in your hospital, you just ignore them?
Dr. Kelso: Look, stay away from definite answers. Leave yourself some wiggle room. Say things like "We'll do what we can" or "We'll get back to you on that". Or "Hell, I don't know."
J.D.: Couldn't think of a third one?
Dr. Kelso: That was the third one, assface.

Carla: Congratulations again. He is beautiful.
Mr. Marrick: I was wondering about circumcision.
J.D.: Well, you're a little old, um, but I do have a roommate who's a surgeon, he owes me a favor...
Carla: They're talking about their son, Bambi.
J.D.: Well, now, see, that we're set up for.

J.D.: [v.o.] Since she lost her apartment, I let Elliot crash on my floor.
J.D.: How did this happen?
Elliot: J.D., I'm homeless. I have no money and everything I own is outside in a truck. My life's a mess. Plus, you were going through a lot, too.
J.D.: My peep was on the fritz. Much better now, thank you for asking.

J.D.: [v.o.] Mistake or not, one cool thing about sex is it always seems to put you in a good mood. Hell, I think it even cheers up the people around you.
Dr. Cox: Oh, joy. I get to work on Mrs. Creeden with the Wonder Twins. Dear Lord, what in Thy most holy name have I done to offend Thee so?
Elliot: My brother Bradley and and I used to always pretend we were the Wonder Twins. He would become "form of a dragon" and then I would want to be a dragon too, but he said I had to be something made of water, so I'd say, like, "shape of an ice dragon." And then h would say I was copying him and he'd breathe on me and I'd have to melt, but it was still so awesome.
Dr. Cox: That's funny, I don't recall asking for a really, really, really, really, really boring story. My God, Barbie, don't you understand no one cares?
Turk: I care.
Dr. Cox: Correction. No one important cares.

Mr. Marrick: Dr. Kelso, my wife simply won't listen to reason.
Dr. Kelso: Mr. Marrick, even if your son isn't circumcised, he will still look like you. Of course, he'll have to put on a couple of hundred pounds. I kid. You're a dashing man. Just dashing. Have you modeled?

Todd: T-Dog, that was big of you to cover for Elliot. I had a good mind to spank her yesterday.
Turk: What, she screw up with one of your patients, too?
Todd: No.

Dr. Cox: What's up, Laverne?
Nurse Roberts: This Friday my church group's doing a production of Rent if you wanna go.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, what's up that doesn't make me want to shoot myself?

Dr. Kelso: What's with the mouthful of Chicklets, sweetheart?
Carla: No special reason.
Dr. Kelso: Really? I thought it might be because Dr. Dorian came to see me with his feathers all up, and his voice a-crackin', and told me he was letting Mr. Woodbury go.
Carla: Oh, did he?
Dr. Kelso: Yup. And his knees were knocking so loud I almost didn't see you above him pulling the strings.
Carla: Look, Dr. Kelso-
Dr. Kelso: Maybe Mr. Woodbury will be fine. Maybe he'll be back in a few days even worse for wear because you rushed him out. Who knows? But darn it all if what I don't think is the bigger question is why you even give a hoot.
Carla: Well, actually, sir, I have this little problem with caring for my patients.
Dr. Kelso: Still, if you decide later that what you really care about is how much your patients like you, you can always change your mind about letting Mr. Woodbury leave. Hell, I'll even back you up.