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‘My Best Friend's Wedding’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Scrubs: My Best Friend's Wedding

322. My Best Friend's Wedding

Aired May 4, 2004

On Turk and Carla's wedding day, he decides to work so he can get extra vacation days for their honeymoon. Meanwhile, things are still tense between Elliot and J.D.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: Ah, Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr. Kelso: That's your first name.
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Dr. Kelso: And Mrs. Turkleton. The Turkletons. [laughs] Can I get a scotch?

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Quote from Carla

Carla: Hey, Elliot, how are you doing with this whole J.D. thing?
Elliot: [emotionally] I can't believe that on this day you would actually worry about how I'm doing. Carla, you're such an amazing friend.
Carla: Don't do this, Elliot. I promised myself I wouldn't get emotional until after we took the pictures.
Elliot: I just love you so much.
Carla: I love you too!
Elliot: Even though I ripped off your sister's eyebrow?
Carla: That's okay. You know, this morning she actually said she was gonna look better than me!? Not anymore!

Quote from Turk

Turk: What do you mean, disaster? Honey, this is an amazing wedding. And I know what you're gonna say. We didn't actually get married. But you know what? Tonight, you and I, we're gonna rip it up. And then we're gonna hop on a plane to the Bahamas, where you and I can get married tomorrow amongst the fishes and mermaids and whatnot.
Carla: Turk, for the last time, mermaids aren't real.
Turk: I know what I saw!

Quote from Turk

Turk: Hey, so what do you guys think? Extra groomsman?
Marco: [Spanish: "Jackass"]
Turk: Don't worry, Rowdy. I'm marrying their sister. Hey, baby. Check this out. You ain't gonna believe what I did with Rowdy.
Carla: [o.s.] Turk, you're not allowed to see me on our wedding day, you idiot.
Turk: She's mulling it over.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: Turk and I have to go.
J.D.: [v.o.] See, Turk and I had made a pact. The day that one of us got married, we'd play a last round of tennis-ball golf in the parking lot as single best friends.
J.D.: Look out, Tiger!
Turk: That'll play.
J.D.: Hell yeah.
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, yeah, and the guy getting married has to caddie for the other guy naked.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: Hey, where's the fuzzy cover for my one-wood?
Turk: It's on my nine-wood.
J.D.: Aw, dude. My mom made that.

Quote from J.D.

Turk: Look, I get outta here at 4, ceremony doesn't start until 5. Worst case scenario, I'm a little late for the wedding.
Carla: Do it!
[Elliot kicks Turk in the nuts]
Turk: Oh!
J.D.: Dude, you're dealing with a nervous bride, a woman I scorned, and two sisters with three eyebrows.
Turk: See you at 5!

Quote from Carla

Elliot: Carla, there is a man filming us.
Carla: Oh, he's just doing our wedding video. Hi, Anthony.
Anthony: [o.s.] What's up, babe.
Elliot: Oh, my God. You're actually getting married in a few hours. I mean, everything's gonna be all different. Carla, you never have to have sex again except for when you actually want to.
Carla: I know! [laughs] Erase that last part.

Quote from Todd

Todd: Dude, that pick-up line you gave me for all the Spanish chicks is not working.
Marco: Maybe you're saying it wrong. Let's hear it.
Todd: Yo tengo herpes genitalpara ti. ["I have genital herpes for you."]
Marco: Nope. That's right. Keep trying.
Todd: Mucho herpes... Grande! Oh, yeah.

Quote from Dr. Cox

[Dr. Cox shakes Jordan in bed]
Dr. Cox: Oh, hey, honey. Are you waking up?
Jordan: Why are you in such a hurry?
Dr. Cox: I'm not in any kind a hurry.
Jordan: Did you dress me?
Dr. Cox: Fine. Carla scares me, okay? She may be small, but she has very powerful legs.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: Just a club soda, please. I'm driving.
Woman: It's an open bar, cutie.
Dr. Kelso: Give me a bucket of scotch. [gives J.D. his car keys] Sport, take these and keep moving.

Quote from Nurse Roberts

Turk: Why isn't the band playing?
Nurse Roberts: In a word? Shrimps. Nasty, one-day-old shrimp. The band got into 'em while we was waiting at the church for your sorry ass. [to Carla] Girl, you are wearing that dress.

Quote from Janitor

J.D.: Yah!
Janitor: How's it goin'?
J.D.: You wore your janitor uniform to a wedding?
Janitor: No, I wasn't invited to the wedding. I just work here on weekends.
J.D.: Who's that?
Janitor: My date. Forks! Frannie, forks! Forks!
J.D.: Are forks where the big money is?
Janitor: Forks and ladles.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] In the last three days, I convinced Elliot to dump her boyfriend and be with me, then told her I didn't love her. Still, we're good friends, so if I give her some space, eventually everything will be fine. Unfortunately, since Turk's whole family's in town for his wedding, I'm staying in her apartment.
Elliot: We have to go. [rolls J.D. off the couch]
J.D.: Gah! My lips are bleeding! Can you hand me a tissue? [Elliot throws the box at him] Gah.

Quote from Turk

Marco: Oh, my God. I just figured it out. This is one of those reality shows where our sister tries to convince us that she's gonna marry some obnoxious- Agh!
Margaret Turk: We haven't really had a chance to talk yet. I'm Mama Turk.
Marco: Oh, hey. How ya doing?
Turk: Damn, that looks painful.

Quote from Elliot

Carla: [o.s.] Hey, I really want you guys to get along today.
Elliot: [to J.D.] I hope you die.
Carla: Elliot!
Elliot: After the wedding.
Carla: Thank you!

Quote from Turk

J.D.: Hide the bride. I found him!.
Carla: Turk, we're heading over to St. John's.
J.D.: Thought you guys were getting married at Holy Trinity?
Carla: St. John's is cheaper.
Turk: Oh, plus the priest there looks like Captain Sulu.
Carla: No, that's the priest at Trinity.
Turk: Oh, baby, I wanted to be married by Sulu.

Quote from Turk

Carla: Turk, are you coming over with us now or not?
Turk: If I work this shift, I can finagle two extra days on the honeymoon.
J.D.: Ooh, nice use of "finagle."
Turk: Oh, thanks.

Quote from Turk

Dr. Miller: Don't mind Dr. Turk, here. He's just overly excited because he's getting married this afternoon. I, on the other hand, am the only person in the hospital not to be invited.
Turk: Dr. Miller, look, it's a really small wedding, and you're an amazing boss, and I feel really bad about it, so... There's a wedding brunch tomorrow, and it's only for family and really close friends, and, well, we'd love for you to be there.
Dr. Miller: That would mean the world to me.
Turk: Okay, I didn't think you were gonna say yes. There's no brunch. [Dr. Miller walks away] That's gonna cost me.

Quote from Jordan

Dr. Cox: Jordan, get outta bed. We got a wedding to go to.
Jordan: Perry. Jack is at my mom's, the apartment is empty. It's just you and me. Let's take a nap. We'll sleep through the ceremony, and then go to the reception.
Dr. Cox: Can we at least have sex?
Jordan: Do what you have to. Don't wake me.

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