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‘My Extra Mile’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Scrubs: My Extra Mile

515. My Extra Mile

Aired March 21, 2006

J.D. encourages Turk and Dr. Cox to go the extra mile with their patients, but he may have overpromised when he agrees to shave his head for a leukemia patient. As they try to avoid stress at work, Turk is caught in a rat race for one of the surgical attending jobs, and Carla loses a patient Kelso asked her to look after.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: OK, the antibiotics have brought your fever down. Is there anything else I can do?
Mr. Russell: Yeah, I'm auditioning for my church's senior citizen production of Streetcar Named Desire. Would you mind running lines with me?
Dr. Cox: I'd be happy to.
Mr. Russell: "If I didn't know you was my wife's sister, I'd get ideas about you."
Dr. Cox: I can't believe you think I'd do this with you. Are you insane? Seriously, I'm a doctor.
Mr. Russell: What page are you on?
Dr. Cox: [groans]

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Quote from Carla

Dr. Marston: Stress is often a factor in conception. So tell me, do you think stress might be an issue?
[flashback:]
Carla: I swear, if you don't knock me up tonight, there's no more sex until you steal me a baby. So do it right this time.
[present:]
Turk: There's a little stress.

Quote from Carla

J.D.: It's not like nurses know everything.
J.D.: [v.o.] Uh-oh. Carla's gearing up to explode. Save yourself. Attempt the casual side-switch. And you're there. Now angry at Kelso.
J.D.: Bob, how dare you?
Carla: Exactly. You're worried about what I can handle? Vascular Surgery wants an update every two hours on bed 1, I'm weaning Mrs. Jones' dopamine from ten mikes to five, Mrs. Meyerson's abdominal wound is dehiscing and Mr. Wilder is turfed to Psych because he thinks he's Flo from Alice.
Mr. Wilder: Kiss my grits!
Carla: Exactly, Flo! Exactly!
J.D.: I hope you learned something today.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] Now that Elliot and Keith were serious, she started buying him gifts.
Keith: [laughs] It's a mouth harp! Oh, awesome!
J.D.: [v.o.] Keith was shockingly good at pretending to like crappy presents. But you know what he was best at?
J.D.: Keith, we need more popcorn, yeah.
J.D.: [v.o.] Being girl bait. Here's how it goes down. Keith comes back, Elliot marks her territory so the girls know he's taken, and I just pick off one of the smaller, weaker ones that comes by for a look-see.
J.D.: I'm a doctor. I'm a landowner. Burt Reynolds is my father. I love sports. [empties bowl] Keith, more popcorn.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: Personally, me, I believe medicine is about more than treating the disease. You've got to be there for people. Take Mrs. Cohen. When she broke her hip, I treated that. But she had also left her car double-parked, so being an "extra mile" kind of guy, I went and took care of it.
[flashback to J.D. driving a monster truck over a parked car:]
J.D.: Sorry. It's been a little while since I drove stick.
[present:]
J.D.: I wonder how she got out of that truck? [claps] That's how she broke her hip.

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: All I'm saying is it's important to go the extra mile with patients. It's like I was telling this girl.
Dr. Cox: Why'd you tell her that?
J.D.: I didn't. I just wanted to show you who I'm going out with tonight.
Dr. Cox: Look, Newbie, there's a reason that I can't go the extra mile with patients. It's something personal.
J.D.: You can confide in me.
Dr. Cox: I'm a good doctor. Kelly Ripa!
J.D.: [v.o.] It didn't bother me Dr. Cox had just "Kelly Ripa'd" me, because I knew it would never catch on, no matter how much he wanted it to.

Quote from Turk

Turk: All right, Jake, here it is, the latest Vengeance. I had to travel to five stores to find that.
Jake: This is last month's.
Turk: Look, I'll track down the new one for you later, but right now, I got to make sure I have a job next year, OK?
J.D.: [v.o.] Since there were only three attending spots for ten residents, Dr. Kelso could basically treat them like his own personal valets.
[The residents wash Dr. Kelso's car as soon as he parks up]
[Turk follows behind Dr. Kelso and Baxter with a doggy poop bag]
[As Dr. Kelso searches for a pen, the residents all offer him one. Turk sweetens the deal with a lollypop]
Dr. Kelso: All-day sucker, my ass. Try 20 minutes.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: Attention, surgical residents still hoping to have a job next year. The annual blood drive is upon us and I will be needing a volunteer to greet our donors as the hospital's new mascot, the friendly hypodermic needle, Mr. Prick. We'll probably change the name.

Quote from Doug

Doug: You know, whenever I lose something in the morgue, I just retrace my steps. Right now, I'm looking for something, and I know I came to the vending machine, then I dropped a quarter, which rolled over here, and, yep, there you are. As soon as you take your eyes off 'em, you lose 'em. They're like children. Big dead children.

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: You know what, I'm stuck, man. I have to shave this down.
Dr. Cox: No, you don't. You don't have to go the extra mile. That's what I'm trying to tell you. What the hell happened to the days when you used to listen to me?
J.D.: That was a long time ago. Maybe you should listen to me for once.
Dr. Cox: Not in this lifetime. Listen, Newbie, you're not a completely, terribly, horrible, incompetent doctor. While I would never let any blood relatives be your patient, if it was someone that I knew, an acquaintance, I might be OK with you treating them.
J.D.: Thank you.
Dr. Cox: The only thing you owe Carol is to treat her the best you can.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: Well, the good news is, his head isn't in the storage room. Because I once found a head in the storage room. It's a funny story, actually. I put it in my locker because I didn't have time to get to Lost and Found. Went on a long weekend, forgot all about it. Come back to work on Monday, open my locker, whoa! Head! Plus rats! I panicked. I didn't know what the hell to do. So I grabbed the thing and ran up to the roof, and I punt it, and I shank it wide-left, like I always do. And it's heading straight down, right for Kelso sitting in his convertible. I'm done. I'm out of a job, right? Wrong. At that second, a hawk flies in, grabs the thing and flies off with it. I know what you're thinking. We're in the middle of a city. What's a hawk doing there?
Carla: I can't believe you get a locker and I don't.

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: [v.o.] I knew if I didn't leave that bar and go back, I'd never be able to enjoy any of the simple things, even a woman eating my former bangs.
J.D.: Voila. [all cheer]
J.D.: [v.o.] See, that's the thing about being an extra mile guy. You never know who it's gonna rub off on.
Mr. Russell: "Sister Blanche, I've got a little birthday remembrance for you."
Dr. Cox: [high pitched Southern accent] "Oh, have you, Stanley? I wasn't expecting any."
Mr. Russell: "I hope you like it."
Dr. Cox: Aw.
Mr. Russell: You're hating this, aren't you?
Dr. Cox: No, that's not it at all. It's just that I don't believe for a second that you really want me to leave. You gotta feel it, Lyle. You got to get involved. What do you people say? Let's take it from the top?
Mr. Russell: "Sister Blanche, I've got a little birthday remembrance for you."
Dr. Cox: Again. Do it with some force.

Quote from Turk

Dr. Marston: So you're both fertile, yet you're still unable to conceive, so... How often do you make love?
Turk: Twice today.
Carla: Actually, it was three times. You were asleep for the last one.
Turk: Wow. That really happened?
Carla: Mm-hm.
Turk: Well, I thought it was weird that you were in one of my sex dreams.
Carla: He is not allowed to dream about me. It gets too freaky in there.
Turk: Cirque du Soleil freaky. One time, she was skinless.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: You know, in four and a half years, I've watched your pal, Stephanie, go through a multitude of irritating fads: the UGG boots, the campaign for better grammar among staff, and of course the double European air-kiss. And seeing as you are sorority sisters, I was hoping you'd be able to tell me when this "extra mile" crap will end.
Turk: Oh, it's never gonna end. He's relentless. Why do you think I was out Sunday morning buying comics for my patient?
Dr. Cox: Because they're giving away free Tastykakes at the comic book store?
Turk: Ha-ha!
Dr. Cox: That used to work better when you were a fat load.
Turk: I know.
Dr. Cox: Damn it!

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Carla: Why was I told to drop everything and look after some new patient coming in?
Dr. Kelso: Mr. Sommer is the cousin of one of the trustees. Not important enough to warrant any face time with me, but connected enough that if one of these ding-dongs kills him, it'll be my ass.
J.D.: Carla, can you cover my patients?
Dr. Kelso: She's watching someone for me.
J.D.: I'll find somebody.
Carla: Because I'm just a nurse, I can't look after everybody?
Dr. Kelso: Precisely.

Quote from J.D.

Carla: J.D., why don't you tell me what's wrong with Mrs. Jones? Without looking at a chart.
J.D.: [v.o.] Carla knew, without charts, doctors didn't know much about patients.
[fantasy:]
J.D.: Mr. Barry, I misplaced your chart. I forgot, what's wrong with you again? Oh, that's right. You have a kitty cat stuck in your mouth. Or should I say you have a person stuck around you, little guy? Cootchie-cootchie.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Get a load of Mr. Extra Mile Guy's leukemia patient, sitting in there all by herself. Knowing him, he's probably out getting a cake shaped like a cancerous white blood cell.

Quote from J.D.

Carol: Larry? Dad? How?
J.D.: Well, right after I got your test results back, I got on the horn with your dad and we started a phone tree to find everyone. There were some tears, mostly mine, but we got it done.
Carol: You are the most amazing doctor.
J.D.: Hear that, Perry? I'm the most amazing doctor because I went the extra 5,280 feet. What's that? That's right, it's a mile. And how does that makes me feel? Keith! [mouth harp boings] Thank you.

Quote from Elliot

Turk: I'm so sick of this. If the jobs were given to whoever is the best surgeon, I would get all three of those damn spots.
Elliot: It's the same on medical side. I swear, the only reason I got that oncology rotation is I let Dr. Morgan take me as his date to his brother's wedding.
Turk: Ricky Morgan? He works in the cafeteria.
Elliot: What?!

Quote from Turk

Turk: We have to all band together and agree not to be exploited by Dr. Kelso. From now on, we will only be judged by our skill and abilities. Who's with me? That's right! That's right! From here on out, no more getting him coffee, no more washing his car, no more taking his son to the local steam baths to meet men.
Todd: Well, hey, you guys got him coffee.
Turk: "Together" on three. One, two, three.
All: Together!

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