Carla Espinosa Quotes Page 1 of 7

Quote from My Best Friend's Mistake

Carla: Bambi, are you giving me attitude?
J.D.: What if I am?
Carla: [laughs] Sweetie, you have to be a minority sidekick in a bad movie to pull that off. You know what I'm talking about, right?
Nurse Roberts: Oh, child, please. You speak the truth.
Carla: Explain it to this man, please. First, you do the hand, then you do the finger, then you talk through the nose. And then you give a lot of attitude. That's how it works. But if you're not from there, you don't understand, so I'm not going to even ask you.
J.D.: OK, I'm gonna leave now.
Carla: What? [gasps] Oh, no, you didn't! Where you going? Where you going?


Quote from My Long Goodbye

J.D.: [v.o.] And that's when Carla knew what she had to do.
Nurse Roberts: [imaginary] Go on, girl. You can do it.
Carla: [sighs] Wow, I'm still not ready to do this. [sighs] It's gonna be so weird not having you by my side every day. Making fun of the doctors, going on and on about Jesus. Man, I hope he's real or you're gonna be pissed. Remember my first day, when that patient came in and started bleeding out on me? I was so shocked I could barely move. But you stood by my side and you guided me through it. And then you did the most amazing thing of all. You made me laugh. [sighs] For the last 15 years, you've been my role model, but most of all you've been my friend. And I don't know what else to say, except I'm really, really gonna miss you. [sighs] Goodbye.
[Carla looks back and no longer sees Laverne standing with her]
Turk: Come on, baby.
J.D.: [v.o.] You can ask any doctor, sometimes it seems like patients just hang on until everyone's had a chance to say goodbye.

Quote from My Bed Banter & Beyond

Carla: When I was little, my mom used to have what she called "episodes". "Episodes" is a flattering term for this thing where she'd sweat a lot and, well, let's just say her stomach talked. Anyway, this one time, we were at the supermarket and she actually passed out. And out of nowhere, this fancy-looking guy comes forward and tells everyone to step aside and give my mother some air. And everyone did. You have to understand, in my family, nobody ever listens to a word anyone else says. Even screaming at the top of our lungs, nothing. So when this man said, "Step aside", and everyone did, I asked my aunt, "Who is this guy?" And she said he was a doctor. And I thought, "Wow. I want to be a doctor too." But when I lost my first tooth and nobody left $180,000 under my pillow, I decided to become a nurse. We do all the real stuff anyway.

Quote from My First Day

Man: Nurse?
Elliot: I'm a doctor, okay? The stethoscope, the beeper, a doctor, got it?
Carla: Relax.
Elliot: I just hate it. I hate the "darlings", I hate the "sweethearts".
Carla: You don't need to tell me how hard it is being a woman here.
Elliot: Well, you're certainly furthering the cause by wearing a thong to work and hooking up in the on-call room. [screeching tires sound] Word gets around.
Carla: You talk like that, do you even know my name? I spend every second of my life either here or taking care of my mom, so, yeah, maybe I needed a little closeness. I'm sure you never had a quickie at the club, right? Or snuck some skinny, flat-butted college boy up to your sorority room. And my thong? I happen to think it makes my ass look good. And some days, I need to feel good about something. And you judge me? Well, guess what? Word does get around, Ms. Out-For-Herself. So you can dump on everyone here if you want, but you will not hurt me.
J.D.: Her name's Carla, by the way.

Quote from My Dirty Secret

J.D.: [v.o.] Around here we all make fun of each other. Except for Carla. No one makes fun of Carla.
Delivery Man: Got a gross of bedpans here, and where should I pick up my medal?
Carla: For what?
Delivery Man: For reading your chicken-scratch handwriting. Who is with me? [silence]
Carla: Listen, I run back and forth for eighteen hours a day between who might die and patients who will die, and if I find time to write an order for bedpans, I write it fast. So you will forgive me if I don't feel like being judged by some guy in his thirties who still wears shorts to work! Now, go ahead and say the only three words I want to hear coming out of your mouth.
Delivery Man: Sign here, please?

Quote from My Nickname

Carla: You know, I was only gonna go to that stupid exhibit because I wanted you to think I was brainy or something. I'm so angry at myself.
J.D.: Oh, thank goodness. Because I thought you were mad at me.
Carla: I've had hundreds of interns decide that they don't need me any more. Why should...? You see, this is why you can't be friends with doctors.
J.D.: Carla, if it's a problem, you, me, Elliot and Turk will get together...
Carla: I don't work with Turk and I'm not close to Elliot. The only problem here is you, okay? We're supposed to be friends. Your self-esteem is so wrapped up in what you do. You're a doctor. That's all you are. That's how you define yourself. And you think you're better than me because of it.
J.D.: Carla, I do not think-
Carla: Admit it. Admit it right now or I'll never respect you again.
J.D.: Okay. Sometimes that's true. Carla, you're a good nurse.
Carla: I'm a great nurse, you patronizing ass. You don't even get it, do you? In nine years, I never once felt bad about myself for what I do, not for one second. And then I met you.

Quote from My Finale: Part 2

J.D.: How come you never tortured me, you know, like, when I first started?
Carla: You were Bambi. Somebody had to teach you how to walk.
J.D.: Thank you for that. For being my teacher.
Carla: No problem.
J.D.: Is there anything I can do to repay the favor?
Carla: Tell me my husband loves me more than he loves you.
J.D.: It's about the same.
Carla: I'll take it. I'm going to miss you, Bambi.
J.D.: I'm going to miss you, too.

Quote from My Day Off

Carla: You better watch it, Bambi. You don't want a 100lb white girl mad at you. You'll flinch every time you hear a Range Rover.

Quote from My Fruit Cups

Carla: Don't be angry at Bambi.
Dr. Cox: I'm not angry. So my girlfriend serviced most of the staff, I'm proud of her commitment to medicine.
Carla: Please. What about the women you've slept with? Your ex-wife, that med student, your ex-wife, the cute nurse from radiology, your ex-wife-
Dr. Cox: Would you please get off my ex-wife?
Carla: I will if you will.
Dr. Cox: Dammit. Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.

Quote from My Faith in Humanity

Carla: Anyway, I worry that sometimes when I'm tense, I could be a little condescending.
Therapist: Actually, I've noticed that.
Carla: Have you really noticed it, "Mr. Therapist"?!

Quote from My Drug Buddy

Dr. Kelso: Maybe you should just order.
Carla: I'll have an espresso, please, and... What kind of scones do you have?
Man: [coughs loudly] Son of a bitch. Do you mind, lady? I am in a rush.
Carla: Oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry. What am I doing, thinking I can take an extra six seconds to pick my breakfast? I'm going to have to call my mom, tell her she did a lousy job raising me. Thank you so much.
Dr. Kelso: I think what she means is, she doesn't give a crappuccino. Allan, this is on me. God help me, I love spunk.

Quote from His Story III

Carla: Keith, you better not tell her who did it.
Keith: But Elliot scares me.
Carla: Elliot is a blonde, 108-pound ski pole from a cul-de-sac in Connecticut. I am an underpaid pregnant nurse from the block, who, over the next six months, will become fatter and angrier. Now, who are you really afraid of?
Keith: The fatty.
Carla: Be careful, Keith.

Quote from My Journey

Carla: Listen, Stretch, if you know who this belongs to, I'd 'fess up right now. Otherwise, I'm gonna grab you by the back of that two-dollar haircut and force-feed you the sample so you can carry it around all day. That way, if I ever want it back, all I have to do is point you at a beaker and squeeze really hard! Now, you got any more funny jokes you gotta tell me?
Janitor: No, ma'am.

Quote from My Big Mouth

J.D.: Rough day, huh? Well, maybe it would help to share with someone.
Carla: OK, you want in? You want me to open up?
J.D.: I think I can handle it.
Carla: Fine.
[fantasy: Carla peels back her forehead, revealing a white, glowing source of heat:]
Carla: I don't like the way I look, I don't like the way I think, I don't like the way I feel about how I look and think.
[Carla's brain shoots a heat ray at J.D.'s face, which melts]
Carla: I have too much hair, my boobs are too low, my butt is too big, and I am too short.
Carla: Plus, I woke up and cried because I thought I was getting wrinkles, but it turns out I just fell asleep on Turk's corduroy pants.

Quote from My Self-Examination

Carla: And most of all, I wish our mom was with us tonight. Not because she was taken too early, but because she would see how happy you've made me, and she would love you forever for that. And Christopher?
Turk: Yes?
Carla: I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but you've managed to erase them all, because each and every one of them has led me to you.

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