- Main Characters
- Nurse Roberts
- Jill Tracy
- Dr. Molly Clock
Quote from My Best Friend's Mistake
Carla: Bambi, are you giving me attitude?
J.D.: What if I am?
Carla: [laughs] Sweetie, you have to be a minority sidekick in a bad movie to pull that off. You know what I'm talking about, right?
Nurse Roberts: Oh, child, please. You speak the truth.
Carla: Explain it to this man, please. First, you do the hand, then you do the finger, then you talk through the nose. And then you give a lot of attitude. That's how it works. But if you're not from there, you don't understand, so I'm not going to even ask you.
J.D.: OK, I'm gonna leave now.
Carla: What? [gasps] Oh, no, you didn't! Where you going? Where you going?
Quote from My Long Goodbye
J.D.: [v.o.] And that's when Carla knew what she had to do.
Nurse Roberts: [imaginary] Go on, girl. You can do it.
Carla: [sighs] Wow, I'm still not ready to do this. [sighs] It's gonna be so weird not having you by my side every day. Making fun of the doctors, going on and on about Jesus. Man, I hope he's real or you're gonna be pissed. Remember my first day, when that patient came in and started bleeding out on me? I was so shocked I could barely move. But you stood by my side and you guided me through it. And then you did the most amazing thing of all. You made me laugh. [sighs] For the last 15 years, you've been my role model, but most of all you've been my friend. And I don't know what else to say, except I'm really, really gonna miss you. [sighs] Goodbye.
[Carla looks back and no longer sees Laverne standing with her]
Turk: Come on, baby.
J.D.: [v.o.] You can ask any doctor, sometimes it seems like patients just hang on until everyone's had a chance to say goodbye.
Quote from My First Day
Elliot: I'm a doctor, okay? The stethoscope, the beeper, a doctor, got it?
Elliot: I just hate it. I hate the "darlings", I hate the "sweethearts".
Carla: You don't need to tell me how hard it is being a woman here.
Elliot: Well, you're certainly furthering the cause by wearing a thong to work and hooking up in the on-call room. [screeching tires sound] Word gets around.
Carla: You talk like that, do you even know my name? I spend every second of my life either here or taking care of my mom, so, yeah, maybe I needed a little closeness. I'm sure you never had a quickie at the club, right? Or snuck some skinny, flat-butted college boy up to your sorority room. And my thong? I happen to think it makes my ass look good. And some days, I need to feel good about something. And you judge me? Well, guess what? Word does get around, Ms. Out-For-Herself. So you can dump on everyone here if you want, but you will not hurt me.
J.D.: Her name's Carla, by the way.
Quote from My Nickname
Carla: You know, I was only gonna go to that stupid exhibit because I wanted you to think I was brainy or something. I'm so angry at myself.
J.D.: Oh, thank goodness. Because I thought you were mad at me.
Carla: I've had hundreds of interns decide that they don't need me any more. Why should...? You see, this is why you can't be friends with doctors.
J.D.: Carla, if it's a problem, you, me, Elliot and Turk will get together...
Carla: I don't work with Turk and I'm not close to Elliot. The only problem here is you, okay? We're supposed to be friends. Your self-esteem is so wrapped up in what you do. You're a doctor. That's all you are. That's how you define yourself. And you think you're better than me because of it.
J.D.: Carla, I do not think-
Carla: Admit it. Admit it right now or I'll never respect you again.
J.D.: Okay. Sometimes that's true. Carla, you're a good nurse.
Carla: I'm a great nurse, you patronizing ass. You don't even get it, do you? In nine years, I never once felt bad about myself for what I do, not for one second. And then I met you.
Quote from My Bed Banter & Beyond
Carla: When I was little, my mom used to have what she called "episodes". Episodes is a flattering term for this thing where she'd sweat a lot and, well, let's just say her stomach talked. Anyway, this one time, we were at the supermarket and she actually passed out. And out of nowhere, this fancy-looking guy comes forward and tells everyone to step aside and give my mother some air. And everyone did. You have to understand, in my family, nobody ever listens to a word anyone else says. Even screaming at the top of our lungs, nothing. So when this man said, "Step aside", and everyone did, I asked my aunt, "Who is this guy?" And she said he was a doctor. And I thought, "Wow. I want to be a doctor too." But when I lost my first tooth and nobody left $180,000 under my pillow, I decided to become a nurse. We do all the real stuff anyway.
Quote from My Dirty Secret
J.D.: [v.o.] Around here we all make fun of each other. Except for Carla. No one makes fun of Carla.
Delivery Man: Got a gross of bedpans here, and where should I pick up my medal?
Carla: For what?
Delivery Man: For reading your chicken-scratch handwriting. Who is with me? [silence]
Carla: Listen, I run back and forth for eighteen hours a day between patients who might die and patients who will die, and if I find time to write an order for bedpans, I write it fast. So you will forgive me if I don't feel like being judged by some guy in his thirties who still wears shorts to work! Now, go ahead and say the only three words I want to hear coming out of your mouth.
Delivery Man: Sign here, please?
Quote from My Day Off
Carla: You better watch it, Bambi. You don't want a 100lb white girl mad at you. You'll flinch every time you hear a Range Rover.
Quote from My Fruit Cups
Carla: Don't be angry at Bambi.
Dr. Cox: I'm not angry. So my girlfriend serviced most of the staff, I'm proud of her commitment to medicine.
Carla: Please. What about the women you've slept with? Your ex-wife, that med student, your ex-wife, the cute nurse from radiology, your ex-wife-
Dr. Cox: Would you please get off my ex-wife?
Carla: I will if you will.
Dr. Cox: Dammit. Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.
Quote from My Faith in Humanity
Carla: Anyway, I worry that sometimes when I'm tense, I could be a little condescending.
Therapist: Actually, I've noticed that.
Carla: Have you really noticed it, "Mr. Therapist"?!
Quote from His Story III
Carla: Keith, you better not tell her who did it.
Keith: But Elliot scares me.
Carla: Elliot is a blonde, 108-pound ski pole from a cul-de-sac in Connecticut. I am an underpaid pregnant nurse from the block, who, over the next six months, will become fatter and angrier. Now, who are you really afraid of?
Keith: The fatty.
Carla: Be careful, Keith.