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40Quotes from ‘Our True Lies’

Scrubs: Our True Lies

910. Our True Lies

Aired January 19, 2010

A furious Dr. Cox keeps Lucy, Cole, Drew, Maya and Trang back during a test after he finds a cheat sheet. Denise freaks out when Drew tells her he loves her. Meanwhile, Turk can't understand why a patient would prefer risky surgery to drugs.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: Bar codes? What the hell is this, a supermarket? That's a human being, for god's sake.
Dr. Cox: Listen, old prospector, I know that any new machine scares you, but here's the well-held secret. You know that box that records your favorite television shows? There isn't a demon inside of it.
Dr. Kelso: Then how does it know what I like? I miss the good old days, when doctors and patients actually got to know each other. You know, back when sexually harassing a nurse was just considered polite chitchat.
Turk: Yes, the good old days. Back when a man of my color couldn't be a doctor, but could live out his lifelong dream of one day driving a white woman to her hair appointments. Yes, things were much better back then.
Dr. Kelso: See? Turkleton gets it.

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Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Hi, boys and girls. Anybody admit to anything yet? [Cole stops Lucy from raising her hand] Here's what I'm gonna do. If someone doesn't tell me who did it, I'm gonna make you all retake the test. It's gonna be a new test. It's gonna be ten times as hard. It's not just gonna be on medicine. It's going to be on everything. Baseball statistics, North Dakota high schools, the geography of a made-up fantasy world I like to call Coxatopia. That's a magic land where the rivers run of scotch and hordes of pigs feed on the bones of cheating med students.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Cox: Please tell me you've got some good news for me on this godforsaken day.
Turk: She's still refusing steroids. I don't get it. What are we missing?
Dr. Kelso: As usual, you are missing the point. She walked in off the street, and you didn't take the time to find out anything about her. She could be anybody, a princess or a terrorist or a hot lesbian.
Dr. Cox: Bob, she is a hot lesbian.
Dr. Kelso: I knew one day that example would make sense.
Turk: And we did talk to her.
Dr. Kelso: About her condition, but not about what makes her tick. [chuckles] You see, in the old days, when we knew everything about a patient, their decisions never surprised you. You find out more about that young lady, I bet you'll find the answer.

Quote from Turk

Denise: Come on, what would Carla say if she found out that you'd already been married once before?
Turk: Yo, whoa! Whoa! Don't even joke like that. If that gets back to Carla, I'm a dead man. [laughs] Talking about me being married before Carla.
Sheila: Dr. Turk, you were married before?
Turk: We're talking here. That's one of Carla's girlfriends. I can't have that. This is just as bad as if I were to call Carla bitchy.
Sheila: You think Carla's bitchy?
Turk: No! I didn't say- Sheila! Just take your butt to where it needs to be and stay there!


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