Jordan Sullivan Quotes Page 1 of 14

Quote from My Last Day

Elliot: He doesn't have insurance, so if you could talk to the other members of board today at the meeting, J.D. thought maybe-
Jordan: J.D. thought? First he dumps that patient on you, and now he wants you to ask me a favor? Honey, if you don't start saying no to him soon, you're gonna wind up on the losing end of a little game I like to call Hide The Pickle.
Elliot: Oh, J.D. and I are just colleagues.
Jordan: Oh, my God. I was just joking, but you actually slept with him, didn't you?
Elliot: [scoffs] A little.
Jordan: Look, I don't know where your mother was when she should have been telling you these things, but you cannot have sex with someone you care about. Sex is for making babies and revenge.

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Quote from My Last Day

J.D.: Oh, Ms. Sullivan, thank you for helping us with Mr. Bober.
Jordan: Oh, don't mention it. And even though I wasn't invited to your little party, I brought presents for everyone.
Dr. Cox: Brace yourself there, Newbie.
Jordan: Carla, my ex-husband is in love with you. It's true. Ask your boyfriend. He knows. He and Perry talk about it all the time. I don't know why you haven't mentioned this to her. Perhaps you're afraid of something. Huh. And, Bob, when are you gonna tell Perry that that promotion you're making him jump through hoops for was filled months ago? It just seems wrong. Which brings us to Twinkie. If you don't have the courage to tell your "colleague" Dr. Dorian that you're still crazy about him, I'm gonna do it for you, 'cause that's what friends do. Yeah. And finally, Perry, you are not gonna believe what happened the first time I met your little protege here.
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, please, God, no.
Jordan: I slept with him, and it was good. Oh, how's that for stirring things up? Have a great summer, everyone. Bye.
J.D.: [v.o.] Yup. One big happy family.

Quote from My Life in Four Cameras

Carla: Well?
Dr. Cox: I'm sorry. Would you please repeat the question?
Carla: Are you just gonna roll over like that?
Jordan: That's weird. I asked him the same thing last night.
Carla: Where's the outrage, the anger, the hate?
Jordan: Again, last night.
Carla: You've gone soft.
Jordan: [gasps] Okay, now it's getting spooky.

Quote from My Roommates

Dr. Cox: I've only actually met the child once, so I think it's pretty important that we figure out a way to spend some alone-time with him.
Jordan: Perry, if I'm gonna be spending a lot of time with someone else's child, it's gonna be with our neighbor's 17-year-old. And don't think he hasn't asked. Oh, Pablo. Hmm.

Quote from My Nightingale

Jordan: Good job, D.J.
J.D.: You know, it's J.D., okay? And at least I remember the names of all my sexual partners.
Jordan: Well, I'm sure that girl from high school and your bunkmate from Camp Morning Wood are both extremely grateful. Yeah.
J.D.: Camp Meadow Wood. I made a lanyard.

Quote from My Own Personal Jesus

Dr. Cox: I'm assuming, since you already went ahead and took everything else, that you're here for my self-respect, but there's bad news on that one, sweet-cheeks. I already gave it to your mom when she begged me to marry you. [laughs]
Jordan: Oh, I wouldn't have room for it, what with your testicles in my trophy case.
Dr. Cox: Holy cow. Who's better? You got me by the short hairs.
Jordan: See ya.

Quote from My Own Personal Hell

Elliot: As a woman, have you ever noticed how self-esteem issues just creep up on you?
Carla: I have sausage fingers.
Jordan: Do you remember when I pulled strings with the board and got Perry that promotion? Yeah. People started talking and Perry ended up totally emasculated. So it worked out great for me.

Quote from My Cookie Pants

Jordan: Excuse me. Dr. Kelso, isn't it? I'm Jordan Sullivan.
Dr. Kelso: What are you doing?
Jordan: I'm introducing myself, because clearly anyone who would convince Perry not to take the Chief job has never met me.
Dr. Kelso: That pansy-ass little tattletale.
Jordan: Bob, so help me God, you fix this or I will grab you by your muffin top and stomp on your withering man parts until your eyes pop out.
Dr. Kelso: Twenty years ago, I would thrown you on this table and made love to you right here.
Jordan: And I would have loved it!

Quote from My Tuscaloosa Heart

Jordan: Hey, honey, I'm home. You know, you should lock your door. There's horrible people out there.
Dr. Cox: There's horrible people right in here.
Jordan: Maybe you forgot how this works. See, when I say that "Hi, honey" thing, you take your pants off. You see, them's the rules of the booty call.
Dr. Cox: Jordan, believe me, I enjoy our meaningless post-divorce sex as much as the next guy you marry will, but your timing could not be worse.
Jordan: Oh, maybe you don't remember the terms of our settlement. When Jordan needs sex, Jordan gets sex.
Dr. Cox: Listen, sweet cheeks, I am seeing someone who...
Jordan: Let me guess! Dark hair, domineering, doesn't take any of your crap? You see, a lesser person would mock your inability to move on. I'm gonna consider it an homage.

Quote from My Friend with Money

Carla: Look, all I ever wanted was to be a mother, and now that I am one, I feel like I'm not cut out for it.
Jordan: And you're ashamed of that?
Carla: Well, wouldn't you be?
Jordan: Yeah, I was. What's the worst feeling you've had since you had the baby?
Carla: I don't know.
Jordan: When Jack wouldn't stop crying, I wanted to throw that bastard out the window.
Carla: Really? I wanted to throw Isabella out the window. Yeah, but we just had our apartment repainted, and all the windows were sealed shut, so I just wanted to drop her off the roof.
Turk: [gasps] Oh, my God!
Jordan: Listen, you can't get rid this by sheer force of will or positive thinking or taking advice from a big Hollywood movie star and the dead science fiction writer he worships. You need to get some help.
Turk: That's what I've been try-
Jordan: If you talk again, I'm going to eat you.

Quote from My No Good Reason

J.D.: [v.o.] Since Jordan had pre-natal surgery, she'd been on bed rest. Dr. Cox, however, was not.
Dr. Cox: Okay, I made your breakfast, the kitchen's as clean as a whistle, I'm gonna drop Jack off at daycare on the way to work. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Jordan: I need you to go to the video store and get me anything with Viggo something-sen, I need white chocolate, strawberry seltzer, peppercorn brie, and a Polaroid of the tomato plant that I planted last spring because I'm worried it may have snails. Oh, and if you see that neighbor Lena from down the hall I want you to roll your eyes and say the word "Slut" under your breath, but loud enough so she can hear. And don't forget to be home by 6:30, because you gotta give Jack his bath before you make me dinner!
Dr. Cox: But when will I have time to kill myself?
Jordan: That's not my problem!

Quote from My Lucky Day

Turk: Excuse me, ma'am. Jordan! Carla has something she'd like to tell you. Carla.
Carla: I didn't mean to upset you, even though everything I said was true and you know it.
Turk: Baby, that is a God-awful apology. That is just God-awful.
Jordan: It's because she's not really sorry. Honey, I know your type. It is so easy to see other people's problems from way up there on your pedestal. But you better be careful up there, because if you fall off and have to walk around down here with the rest of us, I don't know, you might catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror, the surface of a pond, or your boyfriend's gigantic, shiny head, and trust me, you're not gonna like what you see.

Quote from My Bad

Dr. Cox: Don't look her in the eyes, Newbie. She'll steal your soul. So, how are things down in the underworld?
Jordan: Good. And you? Still have a rollicking social life?
Dr. Cox: Since I cut you loose it's been one big party.
Jordan: In the next five seconds, name some place, other than the hospital and your apartment, you've been in the last month. Five, four, three, two...
Dr. Cox: My car! On the way to the big party.
Jordan: Ooh, that must have hurt.

Quote from My Words of Wisdom

Waitress: I haven't seen you in a while.
Elliot: Oh, she just had a baby.
Waitress: Well, then how can you be drinking? Aren't you breastfeeding?
Jordan: I haven't decided. Were you breastfed?
Waitress: Of course I was.
Jordan: That is so interesting! Cause you're a slaggy buttinski who ended up becoming a waitress for a living. Maybe breastfeeding isn't the answer. This is the greatest night ever!

Quote from Their Story

Jordan: [v.o.] Okay, time to set things straight with that neurotic, bug-eyed, straw-haired...
Jordan: My parents were mean to me.
Elliot: Oh, you don't need to say that. I don't know what you were thinking, although I'm sure that was lovely.

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