Denise: So you're too good to assist Russell now?
Turk: No, I am the chief of surgery. I am no one's secretary.
Dr. Kelso: Secretary? He's asking you to help him with a tricky surgery.
Turk: Sir, do you just hang around, waiting for conversations to weigh in on?
Dr. Kelso: Yeah. That and my judge shows get me through the day. Now, look, good leaders don't care about their ego. If all you want to do is get massaged, I've got the number of a girl who will take you to the mountaintop.
Denise: God, you are a nasty old man.
Dr. Kelso: Thanks, dear. Turkleton, let me cut to the quick. Either you get into that surgery, pucker up and start kissing Russell's ass so he continues to raise giant sums of money for this hospital, which helps everyone, or you can continue to act like a what was that, dear?
Denise: Tiny girl bitch.
Dr. Kelso: That's right. Either way, it's your call, chief.
Turk: Sir, you're so happy you're not the chief anymore, aren't you?
Dr. Kelso: Every second.

Dr. Cox: [to Cole] What in the heck do you have on the bottom of those sneakers, champ? Are are those wheels? Would you show me your glide? Go ahead. Roll on out. Get your glide on.
Lucy: [v.o.] Dr. Cox was scary when he was in his regular mood, but him in a good mood was utterly terrifying.
Dr. Cox: Are you all dying to know why I'm in such a festive mood?
Drew: Because you're about to do something horrible to us?
Dr. Cox: Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Drew, you and your worthless classmates have just won an all-expenses paid trip to Hell Week. Six days and seven nights of tests, term papers and group projects. By the end of the week, one of you is going to have a psychotic break. How darn good is it to be me right about now? "Just this side of fabulous" is the answer. Just this side of fabulous.

Lucy: [v.o.] As much as Dr. Cox loved torturing us, Dr. Turk enjoyed all the perks of being chief of surgery.
Todd: T-dawg! Looking-good five!
Turk: Where's my pastry?
Denise: Too sugary.
Turk: Hey, nothing's too sugary, woman.
Denise: Tell that to your diabetes. So you worked hard all these years to become chief of surgery just so people would kiss your ass?
Turk: No, I get a parking spot, too. Plus, I get to nickname people whatever I want. Hey, what's up, Mac and cheese? Oh, snap! Ham and cheese! Oh, rainmaker in the house! What's happenin'?

Lucy: All right, Drew, you're our leader. Let's get this goin'.
Drew: Uh, get what going? I rarely listen to you people.
Cole: No, seriously, Big D., I fail out of here, I gotta go to med school in the Caribbean. Dude, I don't speak "Caribbesian." So tell us what to do!

Russell Vaughn: Greetings. Hi. Dr. Russell Vaughn.
Turk: Yeah, I'm Dr. Christopher Duncan Turk, chief of surgery. Listen, man, you parked in my spot.
Russell Vaughn: Okay, I'm sorry. Um, you know, I have to remind myself that I'm back in the States, where status is everything.
Turk: It's not everything. It's just that, uh, my spot's in the shade, and I have leather seats, and my seats get warm when the sun hits 'em. I also just recently...
Dr. Cox: [whistles] You're going to want to stop talking now.

Drew: Hey. I just needed a moment of peace and quiet. The other students will not stop asking me questions.
Dr. Cox: Oh, puh-lease. I have a hospital full of incompetents hammering me with asinine questions every second of every day.
Todd: Uh, Dr. Cox? Your patient in 3 is septic. Antibiotics or vasopressors?
Dr. Cox: Antibiotics first.
Drew: That wasn't so dumb.
Dr. Cox: Wait for it.
Todd: Oh, did you get my request for scrubs that hug a little closer to my wham-bam?
Dr. Cox: Thank you, Todd, for being the example to a point that you don't understand.
Todd: You're welcome.

Russell Vaughn: Jambo, doctors. Jambo. That's Swahili for "Hello" or "Good morning."
Turk: Oh, is it? Really? 'Cause I know what it means. I had Jambo juice this morning. A Berry blast with an echinacea boost. It was delicious I'm-a live forever. You'll be dead. I'll be alive, though. I'll be alive!

Lucy: So I thought we could start with a little bonding game "Two truths and a lie." I'll start. I am from a small fishing town in Maryland, horses are my favorite animal, and I once made love with tennis great Pete Sampras.
Cole: "Pistol" Pete? Damn, that's hot.
Lucy: No. See, Cole, that was the lie.
Maya: My mom hooked up with Michael Chang.
Lucy: All right, look, let's just forget about the game.
Cole: Okay, my mom used to date Craig T. Nelson. Coach was almost my dad.

Turk: You guys, come on. You're in love. You need to start talking. Let's get it goin'.
Russell Vaughn: Uh sorry to interrupt. Uh, now I understand Dr. Turk's naive impulse to get it going. He was raised on a diet of Western television and airport novels. But in many less-developed parts of the world, silence plays a crucial part of a couple's search for real, true emotional intimacy. I'm reminded of an old proverb from the Zambezi River tribe, "Two hearts forged in silence grow into one." Your last tot beckons me. May I?
Turk: Dude, you- You can't just take my last tot like that. What the?! Oh, I get it. Dude starts speaking all [clicks tongue], and all of a sudden, everything's all good, huh? It's all good now? Fine. I'm gonna go get some more tots.

Lucy: I tried what you said with Trang, and it didn't work. Look, after months of self-doubt, I have finally found my role here. I am a great number two. I'm Garfunkel, Drew. And I am okay with that. But I need you to be my Micky Dolenz. That was the band, right?
Drew: Yeah, Dolenz and Garfunkel.