Previous Episode Next Episode 

36Quotes from ‘My Hero’

Scrubs: My Hero

123. My Hero

Aired May 14, 2002

Dr. Cox struggles with his emotions as he and J.D. treat Ben for leukemia. Meanwhile, Turk is surprised to learn he's not the best surgical intern, and Dr. Kelso asks Elliot for feedback.

Quote from Janitor

J.D.: What's wrong?
Janitor: I lost my mop.
J.D.: Really?
Janitor: No. But that's the only thing that could make me unhappy, right? You people, you think of me as nothing but The Janitor.
J.D.: That's not true.
Janitor: What's my name? [covers name badge]
J.D.: I know that the nurses call you Sir Plunge-a-lot.
Janitor: I know.
J.D.: Come on. I'm sure you don't know my name so-
Janitor: John Michael Dorian.
J.D.: How did you know my middle name?
Janitor: Because I care.

Rate

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: They probably like it too, whether they admit it or not.
Dr. Kelso: Well...
Dr. Cox: "Oh, the old guy's so tough on me, but I love him." Right? Right? They hate you, Bob. They hate you from your the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you, dear God, they hate you good.
Nurse Roberts: [laughs]
Dr. Kelso: What're you laughing at?
Nurse Roberts: That "hooves" and "pitchfork" part. Why?
Dr. Kelso: No reason.

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: Look, Dr. Cox, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and honestly I think the only reason you're not down at that hospital right now is that you're afraid.
Dr. Cox: I think you're right. I do. That's partly because you've really gotten to know me this year, but mostly it's because, well... I told you that I was afraid earlier, so please don't tell me you've come here to reiterate to me things I've already said, because I know the things that I've already said. In fact, I'm the one who said them.

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: You've got to get back in the game, Coxie. Okay, "Coxie" was a mistake. Pretend I didn't say Coxie.
Dr. Cox: Get out.
J.D.: Look, I It boggles my mind that you would just bail on a patient.
Dr. Cox: A patient is a stranger in a bed that you can distance yourself from when you need to. Ben is my friend. I'm gonna try to visit him over the next couple of weeks, but if I can't, then that'll be very sad for me, but really, it'll just mean that I'm human. Oh, and Newbie, please don't think that you've come here because Ben needs me. You're here because you're scared to death that you might have to rely on yourself for the first time. And that... That is just the saddest thing of all.

Quote from J.D.

Jordan: You know, I don't understand why you refuse to put on a gown.
Ben: [British accent] Because I don't like people to see my bum.
Jordan: So wear underwear.
Ben: You know how I feel about underwear.
Jordan: Every girl who came to our house in the mid-'80s knows how you feel about underwear.
Ben: Those were my sweatpants years.
J.D.: I don't like that much freedom down there. Makes me tingle in my giblets.

Quote from J.D.

Dr. Cox: Now, do you think you can make Ben behave like a patient or not?
J.D.: No problem. I got him to put his gown on.
Ben: He sure did. And now my butt itches on account of this scratchy chair. [wiggles] What are we watching?
Dr. Cox: Wings. And shut up, I like the cab driver. He slays me.
J.D.: Antonio. Played by the actor Tony Shalhoub, also particularly fantastic in a film called Big Night.
Dr. Cox: Congratulations. Your DiMaggio-like streak for saying nothing even remotely interesting is still alive and well.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: Your mother's maiden name is Turner.
J.D.: So you used your key to get into my personnel file. Big deal.
Janitor: Your first kiss was with Sarah Briggs at the embarrassing age of 16. She wore a green turtleneck and you wonder sometimes if she still thinks about you. I'm guessing no.
J.D.: How could you possibly know that?
Janitor: I'm your father.

Quote from Jordan

J.D.: [v.o.] Today seems like a good day to hide out in one of my patient's rooms.
Jordan: You, my friend, are an incompetent fool!
J.D.: [v.o.] Unless, of course, my patient is missing.
Jordan: Where's my brother? Oh, oh. If you say, "I don't know," I'll show you what I learned last week in my crotch-punching class.
J.D.: I think it's great that you're going back to school.

Quote from J.D.

Jordan: Why would he wander off? Oh, maybe he went to a real hospital.
J.D.: Jordan, he found out he had leukemia yesterday. That's life-changing news. You can't be surprised if he's a little depressed.
Ben: Hey, doc! This guy's got something on his shoulder. You may want to take a look.
J.D.: Ben, put the small children down.
Ben: Is anybody missing one of these? OK! You heard the doctor. You'll have to sit this one out. My hands are free-
[Ben lifts J.D. up on his shoulder and starts to spin him around]
J.D.: No, no, Ben! Seriously, Ben! Ben! No, come on, Ben! Stop, Ben. Put me down. Ben! Faster! Woo-hoo! Eagle!

Quote from Jordan

Jordan: Ben, put me down! No!
Ben: Get a shot of the mean lady.
Jordan: Hey, shorty. You short person, you take that picture, you'll be glad you're in a hospital. Help!

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: Can you tell me the treatment regimen for organophosphate toxicity, Dr. Reid?
Elliot: Well, first I would give intramuscular epinephrine, then IV calcium gluconate, followed by emergency haemodialysis.
Dr. Kelso: Sweetheart, if I wanted you to give me three wrong answers in a row I would have just asked for "the usual."

Quote from Ted

Ted: Good morning, Dr. Dorian.
J.D.: Ted, you probably don't notice it yourself, but this hospital is a freak show.
Ted: This is my band. We're all working from different departments in the hospital. [vocalizing] Legal
Roy: [vocalizing] Accounting
Crispin: [vocalizing] Shipping and Receiving
Randall: [vocalizing] Online Property Management Including Pest Control Night Time Security And Non-Arboreal Gardening Services
J.D.: That's- That's just great.
Ted: We mostly do a cappella versions of cartoon theme songs. [they sign the Speed Racer theme]

Quote from J.D.

Dr. Cox: I can't believe Perry bailed on you. It's typical. He's always out the door if things get too real.
[fantasy: Real World spoof:]
J.D.: [v.o.] This is the true story.
Doug: True story!
Jordan: [v.o.] Of four people, forced to hang out in a hospital.
Doug: [v.o.] To find out what happens when people stop being polite
Dr. Cox: [v.o.] And start being real.

Quote from Todd

Turk: Oh, come on, how could this guy be the best?
Dr. Wen: You want to know the difference is between you? When you're working I can always see your wheels turning. You're thinking about what to do next, what could go wrong. You're not in the moment. And as much as it pains me to say this, the Todd is.
Turk: [v.o.] Please. Just because I'm thorough and want to keep two Kelly clamps on in case the appendiceal artery is inadvertently incised so I can gain immediate haemostatic control doesn't mean I think too much. Plus what have I...
Todd: [v.o.] Shiny scalpel Dum de de dum, de de dum De de dum, gonna slice him up

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: You're afraid of escalators.
J.D.: That's not uncommon.
Janitor: You like feel of cashmere on your skin.
J.D.: How are you doing this?
Janitor: That's right, you run away! Run away from the truth!

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] I think one of the most universal human experiences is feeling alone. You'd never know it, but there's tons of people feeling the exact same way. Maybe because you're feeling completely abandoned. Maybe because you realized that you aren't as self-sufficient as you thought. Maybe because you know you should've handled something differently. Or maybe because you aren't as good as you thought you were. Either way, when you hit that low point, you have a choice. You can either wallow in self-pity or you can suck it up. It's your call.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: So, you know, what's up?
Ben: You know, this and that. Hey, I met someone.
Dr. Cox: Really?
Ben: Yeah. But she took a stool sample so I think she works here. Redhead? Tall?
Dr. Cox: Not on the staff, no.
Ben: No? What a strange young lady.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: [reading J.D.'s diary] What a girl! What else we got? Theater camp. Bingo.


 Episode 122 Episode 124 
  Select another episode