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46Quotes from ‘Her Story II’

Scrubs: Her Story II

510. Her Story II

Aired February 7, 2006

Carla is annoyed when people at the hospital refer to a new nurse as a "young Carla", but her real fear is she might be too old to conceive. J.D. gets worked up about the little things in his relationship with Julie (Mandy Moore). [Narrated by Carla]

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: You know, I'm not gonna have a kid until that genetic technology they're talking about is available for everyone.
Carla: So you want to pick the sex and eye color?
Janitor: No, gills. And when that day comes, it's goodbye hospital, hello father-son treasure hunting team.
Carla: Wow. Well, you better get cracking. What are you, like, 45?
Janitor: Forty-three. I know I look a little older, but that's just 'cause I drink and smoke heavily, and work with chemicals, and sleep on my face.
Carla: No hard feelings?
Janitor: OK. All right. I swear on my unborn fish-boy's life, she will pay.

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Quote from J.D.

Turk: So, when am I gonna get to meet Julie?
J.D.: Do I want her to meet Turk this soon? What if he doesn't like her?
Turk: What are you doing?
J.D.: I'm saying all my thoughts out loud so I don't mess this relationship up.
Turk: I don't understand.
J.D.: I forgot, sometimes Turk is slow.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: Oh, I remember my first exam with Dr. Matthews. He said, "You're healthy down there." And then I said, "Right back at you." And then there was this weird little awkward pause, so I said, "I like to keep a clean shop." And then he asked to see my insurance card.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] Behold Julie Quinn. [sings] Ahhh! [speaking] We fell for each other so swiftly, we decided to buy some property together. And build a deck on it.
J.D.: To our half acre.
Julie: Hey, look, the Clarks are home.
J.D.: [v.o.] Unfortunately, the Clarks felt if we weren't building a house, we weren't technically their neighbors.
J.D. & Julie: Hey, Clarks!
Buzz: Go to hell!
J.D.: OK. Hey, Buzz! I'm gonna beat you in poker next time.

Quote from Turk

Turk: Don't worry about it, Baby. We'll just keep trying. Remember that magazine I read about how important it is for the man to have a high-protein diet?
Carla: Turk, for the last time, you are not eating ribs while we do it.
Turk: You don't let me have no fun!

Quote from Jordan

J.D.: [v.o.] There was sexual energy everywhere. For the women, it was due to the dashing new gynecologist, Dr.
Matthews.
Dr. Cox: Jordan, why would you need seven Pap smears in one month?
Jordan: I got a lot of Pap. Move your head so I can see.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] Julie and I had overslept, so we didn't have time for our usual seven solid minutes of lovemaking. We had to fake it.
Julie: Oh, yeah! Don't stop!
J.D.: Pull my hair! [squeals]
Julie: Shut up and take it, you stupid bitch!
J.D.: OK, well, we can stop there. Um, now it's time to ring the sex gong.
Julie: What?
J.D.: Turk and I got sex gongs in Chinatown. We're supposed to ring when one of us gets lucky. Even though I don't live with him, I like to think that somewhere he hears it and it makes him happy.
Julie: That's so funny.
[elsewhere, are J.D. rings the gong:]
Turk: Yeah, buddy! [laughs] That's my dawg!

Quote from Turk

Turk: Look, Julie, I'm very protective of J.D., so it's gonna take a lot to win me over.
Julie: J.D. wanted me to introduce you to my godfather.
Billy Dee Williams: Julie's a great girl.
Turk: [screams, laughs] Lando Calrissian! Come here. Come here.
Billy Dee Williams: You can call me Billy Dee.
Turk: Yes, Lando. Yes.

Quote from Jordan

Elliot: Look, Julie, you already won Carla and me over because you're nice to J.D. And you won Jordan over, you bought the first round.
Carla: I got lemon drops!
Elliot: Oh, the last time I had one of those, I agreed to go on a date with a chick in my art history class. Mm-mm.
Jordan: Yeah, can we go somewhere less college-y? One of the boys here could be the baby I gave up in high school.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Well, look at what we have here. It is a visual representation of how alcohol affects different ages. We have the young.
Julie: Morning!
Dr. Cox: The slightly older.
Elliot: Please stop talking.
Dr. Cox: The slightly older still.
Carla: [mumbling]
Dr. Cox: And last, the very, very, very old. She is unconscious and virtually unwakeable. Witness. Jor-da-roo! Jor-da-licious! Jor-da-roni! Ha-ha!

Quote from Turk

Turk: J.D., this is an intervention. First off, I just want to say, everyone here loves you. This is a safe space. But you're such a commit-a-phobe! Every time you date a girl with actual potential, you wind up ruining it over some trivial reason. Just think about the great girls you let slip through your fingers. Kylie, Jamie, Gift Shop Girl, Minnie McSkinny, Mole Butt, Tina Two-kids, Rumplefugly... I'm forgetting someone.
Carla: [v.o.] Oh, my God, Turk. If you forget Elliot she's gonna cry.
Carla: Turk, aren't you forgetting the greatest girl of them all?
Turk: Heidi Horse-Face.
Elliot: Me, Turk! She's talking about me, OK?
J.D.: Relax, Elliot. You're Mole Butt.
Elliot: Really? Sorry, Turk.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: Don't mean to bother anybody. I'm just showing Nurse Martinez around the hospital. That's our chief of medicine, that's a patient and that is you in 20 years. OK. Let's go look at dead people.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Newbie, listen to me. You never stop being annoyed by the little things. Ever. Take Gandhi here. Your wife is the bossiest woman I've ever met. Are you trying to tell me that you're not bothered by that?
Turk: Sometimes I watch Roots to remind myself how good I have it.
J.D.: Me too.
Dr. Cox: Everyone is annoying. I mean, take Jordan. She is just now returning from what I can only assume is her eleventh gynecological visit this month.
Jordan: I'm saving my breast exam for when you go away next month.
Dr. Cox: Upsetting, but we persevere. Bottom line: There is no such thing as a perfect person. You. Tell her.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: Nurse Espinosa, I know you didn't take that fertility test. People think I am some clueless old geezer, but nothing that happens in these hallways gets by me.
Dr. Mickhead: It wasn't me. I didn't do it!
Carla: It's just, if I take that fertility test and I find out that I missed my window to have a kid I'll never forgive myself.
Dr. Kelso: If you're worried about your biological legacy, as the father of a son who not only wrote a musical based on my life but is currently shacked up with the actor playing me, honestly sweetheart, it's not all it's cracked up to be. But I know you. You'll find out eventually, so why don't you just turn around and tell him?

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: And here I am again. I can't believe I broke up with her. Why do I keep doing this?
Elliot: J.D., this was totally different. You didn't break up with her because she said, "That's so funny" or she was like Minnie McSkinny and sang Christmas carols in the summer time.
J.D.: It was August. The weather was far from frightful.


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