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‘Our White Coats’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Scrubs: Our White Coats

907. Our White Coats

Aired January 5, 2010

As he students compete to deliver a keynote speech ahead of a "white coat" ceremony, Dr. Cox asks them why they want to be doctors.

Quote from Elliot

Lucy: Hey, why did you guys want to become doctors?
Elliot: Oh, actually, I didn't want to be a doctor. I wanted to be a gymnast. But I was chesty for my age, and I had no balance because when I was 9, my cousin jammed a piece of uncooked pasta in my ear. So the first time I went on the balance beam, I fell off and broke my bajingo bone. So really I became a doctor because my parents made me.

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Quote from Elliot

Lucy: Dr. Reid, I know yoga is supposed to be good for pregnant women, but are you sure this is okay? It looks like that baby could squirt out any second.
Elliot: Lucy, I'm fine. Beside I would never give birth under a tree. Although J.D. and I did conceive this baby under one. It was a Christmas tree. Not in our house. It was still on the lot. We made a bunch of Christians uncomfortable that day.
Lucy: I once got felt up in a pumpkin patch.
Elliot: Don't you just love the holidays?

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: I was a gunner for a while when I was in med school. Once I set my roommate Lauren's books on fire so she couldn't study. Turns out I'd loaned her mine, so I actually had to buy a whole new set which she then stole. Still, in the end, I won because she got hit by a truck. I mean, she didn't die, but she is not smart enough to be a doctor anymore.
Lucy: Is she happy?
Elliot: Oh, she's very happy.

Quote from Turk

Denise: Hey, work buddy.
Turk: Hey.
Denise: You have a sec?
Turk: Yeah. What do you want to do? You want to play a quick "Hide The Saltine"? Maybe "Giant Black Doctor"? Damn, those never sounded dirty with J.D.
Denise: Yes, they did.
Turk: Oh.

Quote from Cole

Lucy: It's so nice having someone to talk to. I feel like I can't go to the other med students. It's gotten so cutthroat. People will do anything to get ahead.
[flashback to Cole talking to a fellow student with a laptop covered in Lost stickers:]
Cole: Lost got canceled, and they're never gonna air the finale? So many questions! Hey, good luck on the test, bro.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Now to recap, what is the number one attribute all med students share with this skeleton? Yes?
Lucy: The hollow area of nothingness inside the skull?
Dr. Cox: Exactly. Now it is time for a boring announcement about a pointless tradition brought to you by an empty figurehead with a failing liver and an overactive libido.
Dr. Kelso: Thank you, Perry, you anger-filled muscle slut.
Dr. Cox: I miss this.
Dr. Kelso: Yeah, me, too. It kills me that we're friends now.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: All right, as you know, Friday is the annual white coat ceremony. In front of your family and friends, you will receive your lab coats. A symbol of your entrée into the world of medicine. These doctors' coats.
Dr. Cox: Murderers' coats, Bob, because they are all murderers.
Dr. Kelso: Anywho, the faculty will be choosing a keynote speaker to represent the entire first year class.
Dr. Cox: And as part of this meaningless charade, Winston university requires that each of you sit with me, the Chief of Medicine, for an irrelevant pre-ceremony interview.
Dr. Kelso: A quick sidebar, Perry. Can I do the interview With that little number in the second row? She said I reminded her of her grandpa, and I think I could use that to at least get her top off.
Dr. Cox: You're a hell of an educator, Bob.
Dr. Kelso: I do it for them.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: So you, uh, are you ready for your interview?
Lucy: So ready. I can answer any questions about our classes, about the hospital. I even took the time to memorize personal facts about each of my professors. So bring it.
Dr. Cox: Well, there's really only one question. Why do you want to be a doctor?
Lucy: You've never been to Maine, and you were college roommates with Michael Bolton.
Dr. Cox: Yes, and the latter fuels most of my anger. I'd like you to come back with a better answer, and if you find you can't come up with a better answer, then please know I'm going to make it my personal mission to drum you out of this med school.
Lucy: But you said this was just a meaningless charade.
Dr. Cox: Not for you. Get out.
Lucy: Stupid Michael Bolton.

Quote from Turk

Turk: Okay, guys. So nine years ago, Joseph was my first appendectomy patient. Since then, some scar tissue has formed, so we're gonna clear that right up. Joseph, my old friend, we'll take care of you. But first, you gotta give me what need.
Joseph: Bonjour, Dr. Turk. Ça va bien?
Turk: Ha ha! Brother speaks french. That's a romance language, y'all!

Quote from Turk

Turk: Joseph, we're gonna solve this puzzle, and in thanks, you'll say...
Joseph: Merci beaucoup.
Turk: Merci beaucoup! [laughs] Incredible.

Quote from Lucy

Lucy: Dr. Cox? I know why I want to be a doctor. I want to use my experience to make the kind of catches that save lives, to give people a chance to live.
Dr. Cox: Hold that thought. Time of death, 4:23 p.m. [Dr. Cox looks to the grieving family]
Lucy: Oh, I am very, uh... His middle name is Ulysses.

Quote from Turk

Turk: Hey, Drew. Turns out you were right about the Haitian berry reaction. I guess your diagnosis wasn't rash after all. [on the phone] See, J.D.? I told you they wouldn't laugh.

Quote from Lucy

Lucy: Dr. Cox? I've done some soul-searching, and I have a new answer.
Dr. Cox: Let me prep for the verbal brilliance that is surely headed my way. Ha. Proceed.
Lucy: I want to become a doctor so I can help people who can't help themselves.
Dr. Cox: Lame.
Lucy: When my grandmother was ill-
Dr. Cox: Boo!
Lucy: See, Dr. Quinn was a medicine woman-

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Stop. Now this is when I would normally launch into a rant. But I've already told you what the consequences are if you don't come up with an acceptable answer prior to the ceremony. Right now you've got four strikes on you. And even in the adjusted Lucy Bennett 5-strike system that I recently established to accommodate all major underachievers - Go ahead and take a second and be happy that something was named after you - You still need to come up with something better. One more pathetic, clichéd answer and you're gone.
Lucy: That was kind of a rant.

Quote from Denise

Elliot: Okay, so he made a comment about wanting you to look nice, and then you blew him off and mocked him.
Denise: Yeah, called him a girl.
Elliot: Oh, fantastic. Okay. Uh, does Drew ever do anything nice for you?
Denise: All the time.
Elliot: And do you ever do anything for him?
Denise: Oh, no. Who wants to travel down that road?

Quote from Turk

Elliot: Denise, like it or not, you're in a relationship. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, like dressing nice or, in my case, going to the zoo twice a month. I still don't know why J.D. is so obsessed with those damn penguins.
Turk: It's because they look like little formal people. We like to think they're British.
Elliot: Turk, if you're out, then stay out.
Turk: Fine!

Quote from Turk

Drew: Why am I scrubbing in again?
Turk: The O.R. is a safe place. Nobody's gonna yell "recognize" at you in here. Can I ask you a question? Why do white people ruin everything? I only got to say "fo shizzle" for a week. A week!

Quote from Lucy

Lucy: Dr. Cox.
Dr. Cox: Oh, dear God.
Lucy: I don't have your perfect answer. At first I thought it was to make my family proud, and then I thought it was about saving lives, and for one second, I thought it was a chance to get closer to Dr. Sanjay Gupta, who is a beautiful Indian man, and I've never visited that continent romantically, if you know what I mean.
Dr. Cox: Unfortunately, I do.
Lucy: Anyway, the truth is, I can't pick just one reason. Oh, my God. That's the answer. I want to be a doctor for all those reasons and a million more that I haven't even thought of yet.
Dr. Cox: That's not bad. Come on. Let's go. We're gonna be late for the white coat ceremony.
Lucy: Ooh, plus I look super cute in white.
Dr. Cox: Now you ruined it.

Quote from Drew

Lucy: [v.o.] Even Drew's been acting like a gunner recently.
[flashback:]
Roger: Drew, can I borrow your histology notes?
Drew: Roger, no. Nothing personal. I just don't want to help you half-ass your way through med school and keep you from your true destiny, which is to become the second-best dentist at a run-down strip mall. You get it.

Quote from Elliot

Denise: Anyway, check it out. Mr. Warshal passed his kidney stone.
Drew: Oh, that's hot.
Elliot: F.Y.I., that's like passing a bowling ball through a straw. They say it's actually a lot like giving birth. Super pumped, by the way. Super pumped.

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