Lucy: Hey, why did you guys want to become doctors?
Elliot: Oh, actually, I didn't want to be a doctor. I wanted to be a gymnast. But I was chesty for my age, and I had no balance because when I was 9, my cousin jammed a piece of uncooked pasta in my ear. So the first time I went on the balance beam, I fell off and broke my bajingo bone. So really I became a doctor because my parents made me.

Lucy: Dr. Reid, I know yoga is supposed to be good for pregnant women, but are you sure this is okay? It looks like that baby could squirt out any second.
Elliot: Lucy, I'm fine. Beside I would never give birth under a tree. Although J.D. and I did conceive this baby under one. It was a Christmas tree. Not in our house. It was still on the lot. We made a bunch of Christians uncomfortable that day.
Lucy: I once got felt up in a pumpkin patch.
Elliot: Don't you just love the holidays?

Elliot: I was a gunner for a while when I was in med school. Once I set my roommate Lauren's books on fire so she couldn't study. Turns out I'd loaned her mine, so I actually had to buy a whole new set which she then stole. Still, in the end, I won because she got hit by a truck. I mean, she didn't die, but she is not smart enough to be a doctor anymore.
Lucy: Is she happy?
Elliot: Oh, she's very happy.

Denise: Hey, work buddy.
Turk: Hey.
Denise: You have a sec?
Turk: Yeah. What do you want to do? You want to play a quick "Hide The Saltine"? Maybe "Giant Black Doctor"? Damn, those never sounded dirty with J.D.
Denise: Yes, they did.
Turk: Oh.

Lucy: It's so nice having someone to talk to. I feel like I can't go to the other med students. It's gotten so cutthroat. People will do anything to get ahead.
[flashback to Cole talking to a fellow student with a laptop covered in Lost stickers:]
Cole: Lost got canceled, and they're never gonna air the finale? So many questions! Hey, good luck on the test, bro.

Dr. Cox: Now to recap, what is the number one attribute all med students share with this skeleton? Yes?
Lucy: The hollow area of nothingness inside the skull?
Dr. Cox: Exactly. Now it is time for a boring announcement about a pointless tradition brought to you by an empty figurehead with a failing liver and an overactive libido.
Dr. Kelso: Thank you, Perry, you anger-filled muscle slut.
Dr. Cox: I miss this.
Dr. Kelso: Yeah, me, too. It kills me that we're friends now.

Dr. Kelso: All right, as you know, Friday is the annual white coat ceremony. In front of your family and friends, you will receive your lab coats. A symbol of your entrée into the world of medicine. These doctors' coats.
Dr. Cox: Murderers' coats, Bob, because they are all murderers.
Dr. Kelso: Anywho, the faculty will be choosing a keynote speaker to represent the entire first year class.
Dr. Cox: And as part of this meaningless charade, Winston university requires that each of you sit with me, the Chief of Medicine, for an irrelevant pre-ceremony interview.
Dr. Kelso: A quick sidebar, Perry. Can I do the interview With that little number in the second row? She said I reminded her of her grandpa, and I think I could use that to at least get her top off.
Dr. Cox: You're a hell of an educator, Bob.
Dr. Kelso: I do it for them.

Dr. Cox: So you, uh, are you ready for your interview?
Lucy: So ready. I can answer any questions about our classes, about the hospital. I even took the time to memorize personal facts about each of my professors. So bring it.
Dr. Cox: Well, there's really only one question. Why do you want to be a doctor?
Lucy: You've never been to Maine, and you were college roommates with Michael Bolton.
Dr. Cox: Yes, and the latter fuels most of my anger. I'd like you to come back with a better answer, and if you find you can't come up with a better answer, then please know I'm going to make it my personal mission to drum you out of this med school.
Lucy: But you said this was just a meaningless charade.
Dr. Cox: Not for you. Get out.
Lucy: Stupid Michael Bolton.

Turk: Okay, guys. So nine years ago, Joseph was my first appendectomy patient. Since then, some scar tissue has formed, so we're gonna clear that right up. Joseph, my old friend, we'll take care of you. But first, you gotta give me what need.
Joseph: Bonjour, Dr. Turk. Ça va bien?
Turk: Ha ha! Brother speaks french. That's a romance language, y'all!

Turk: Joseph, we're gonna solve this puzzle, and in thanks, you'll say...
Joseph: Merci beaucoup.
Turk: Merci beaucoup! [laughs] Incredible.