Turk Quote #175
J.D.: [v.o.] It's always nice when someone from Carla's family comes to town. Mostly because she cleans our apartment.
Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: You mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wuh-huh!
Quote from Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: Newbie, maybe I wasn't clear enough with you on Miss Bartow over there.
J.D.: Here it comes. I'm incompetent. I'm a girl. I'm a little girl. I'm a little girl with pigtails that rides a tricycle.
Dr. Cox: No. Well... yes, but I am honestly trying to tell you that I don't think I was being clear with you before. In fact, I think I was being a pretty lousy teacher. Look, I think putting one in the "win" column every now and then is what gives us the juice to keep plugging along in games that we know deep down we're not gonna win. And that's why I locked in so intensely to that patient. Because opportunities, they... God, they come along so rarely in this place. And when they do, you just can't let them slip through your fingers. You cannot, you know?
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: You're losing them. Oh, don't get me wrong, you had me worried there was gonna be a bunch of young Dr. Coxes roaming the halls, calling me "Bobbo", shaving my genitals when I pass out at the Christmas party.
Dr. Cox: Tradition is tradition, Bob.
Dr. Kelso: Yeah. Then I remembered that you've been here over ten years, and there's not a single disciple of yours to be found. And you know why?
Dr. Cox: You told 'em this exact same story and bored 'em to death?
Dr. Kelso: [both laugh] No. It's because eventually they all start questioning the gospel according to Cox, and you can't handle that. Can you?
Quote from Turk
Carla: And Turk, you don't mind if every now and then Marco and I speak Spanish to each other, right?
Turk: Baby, fo'shizzle-dizzle. Do your thizzle, 'cause I'm up out this pizzle. Church! See, we got our own secret language, too.
Marco: [Spanish: "What did he say?"]
Carla: [Spanish: "I have no idea."]
Both: [Spanish: "Jackass!"]
Quote from My Life in Four Cameras
Carla: Hey, we're missing Sanford and Son.
J.D.: [v.o.] Turk was freaked out because Carla never joins us on Sanford and Son night or Cheers night. I think it was because she was feeling a little romantically competitive with Kylie and me.
[After Kylie hugs J.D., Carla starts licking Turk's head]
Turk: Woman! Woman, I am not a lollipop! [sings to Sanford and Son theme] Quiet down now, It is time to watch the show, Yes, it started, Don't be lickin' me no mo', Matter of fact, Could you get me a handiwipe?
Quote from My Fault
Turk: What's up with the white people on top?
Carla: Turk, they don't have tiny plastic interracial couples.
Baker: I'll just color it in with some chocolate frosting.
Turk: Oh, that's a great idea. Put 'em in blackface.
Turk: What? While you're at it, why don't you put a string in the back of him, so when you pull it he sings "Mammy"!
Baker: Forget it.
Turk: Where are you going? To the back of the bakery where you keep all the other colored cakes? I'mma call Jesse! And we gonna march on your ass! [licks frosting] Mm.
Quote from My Life in Four Cameras
[as J.D. and Kylie, Turk and Carla playfully arm-wrestle in the kitchen:]
J.D.: [v.o.] Carla certainly tried to be as adorable as us.
J.D.: Oh, darn it! You won.
J.D.: [v.o.] Unfortunately, Turk wasn't on the same wavelength.
Turk: Do you see what you get, Carla?! Do you see what you get when you mess with the warrior?!