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‘My Lucky Charm’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Scrubs: My Lucky Charm

414. My Lucky Charm

Aired January 25, 2005

J.D. and Turk get a life lesson from Billy (guest star Colin Farrell), a man who showed up at the hospital with a bar fight victim. Meanwhile, Elliot and Carla start to feel like they're drifting apart as friends, and Dr. Cox gets a vasectomy without telling Jordan.

Quote from Elliot

Carla: Yo, who taught you how to fight like that?
Elliot: When you grow up in an orchard, you don't have much choice. Apple thieves.

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Quote from Turk

Carla: Dr. Mickhead was wondering if you would cover his patient in 310? The guy was in some bar fight and has been unconscious since he got here. He was brought in by some brother from Ireland.
Turk: Do you mean an Irish brother or an Irish brother?
[fantasy: Turk is decked out in green with ginger hair and a ginger beard as he does an Irish jig in front of a group of fair-skinned ladies:]
Turk: Top of the mizzle to ya, me lizzles.
[reality:]
Carla: I mean his sibling.
J.D.: Aw, man.

Quote from Jordan

Dr. Cox: What, uh, what did you do around the apartment while I was gone?
Jordan: Oh! I turned your little office into my pajama closet, I threw out everything in the 'frigerator that had the word "jerky" or "whiz" on it, I got rid of all your clothes that make you look like you're twenty years old. Don't worry, I saved your hockey jerseys. Although I did move them into my new pajama closet! And for some reason none of the remotes work anymore.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: Carla thinks she's so tough, you know? She's "been around the block." She's "from the block." Enough about the block! It's not my fault my family had an orchard.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: You look so hot. When's the last time we kissed?
Jordan: About a month ago.
Dr. Cox: When's the last time we had sex?
Jordan: Yesterday.
Dr. Cox: What do you say we head into the bathroom of this place and lower the health code rating from an A to a B? What do you say?

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: The epi isn't working, I still don't have a rhythm. The transcutaneous pacer isn't capturing. Pupils are fixed and dilated. I'm calling it. Time of death: 9:17.
Jerry: I always thought that when I died I'd see a bright light or float above the ground. Turns out death is pretty mundane. I guess sometimes the end is just the end.
J.D.: For the last time, Jerry, you're not dead! Okay? Now go back to your room. [to Turk] Jerry has Cotard's or "Walking Corpse Syndrome". The guy thinks he's dead even though he's walking around.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: And you must be the Irish brother.
Billy: [American accent] No, sir. Ron Pearson, Ohio born and bred. Yep, red-stater and proud of it.
Turk: Oh, sorry, we-
Billy: [Irish accent] Only takin' the piss out of you, lads. Name's Billy Calahan. Had you goin' with the American accent, though, didn't I? I'll just put it out there, do it as a favor, is there any chance I could get one of these filled with Guinness? I've an awful hangover. Me head is split. We had a late night last night, as you can see, and I'm a bit shaky. Is there any chance?
J.D.: Probably not. We don't usually do that.
Billy: Oh.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Jordan: And why are you limping?
Dr. Cox: Fishing. I'm limping from fishing.
Dr. Kelso: I know that limp.
Dr. Cox: No, Bob. Bob, no.
Dr. Kelso: You just got a vasectomy. I had mine done back in '68. Ironically, that was the same year that Enid discovered pasta and I discovered I'm not attracted to enormous women.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: Perry, believe me when I say I'm proud to welcome you to what I like to call the "seedless grapes club." But still.

Quote from Jordan

Dr. Cox: Jordan? Jordan, why aren't you more upset about this? I, honest to God, I don't get it. I mean, normally you'd go to your mother's for a bitch refresher course, and then you'd come right back here just swinging for the fences.
Jordan: You know what, I'd love to stay and chat, but if we're late for ballet, Jack won't get a spot by the bathroom and then he'll pee in his tights.
Dr. Cox: I'm sorry, my son is taking is taking ballet? Come on, Jordan, he's already got an overbearing mother and a fairly prominent lisp. If we stick him in the tights, well, we might as well just go ahead and get him a timeshare on Fire Island.
Jordan: Oh, I haven't even decided if I'm gonna make him gay yet.

Quote from Todd

J.D.: I know we feel guilty, okay? But it's over. It's not like there's gonna be any ramifications.
Nurse Roberts: You have one day to come up with another gorgeous Irishman.
Todd: One day. What? The Todd appreciates hot, regardless of gender!

Quote from Dr. Cox

Jordan: What the hell happened to you?
Dr. Cox: I got them to reverse the vasectomy.
Jordan: What an incredibly normal thing to do.
Dr. Cox: Jordan, let me talk for a second. I've been trained for many years to take any emotion I feel, push it down, and then let it out by drinking way too much and by yelling at the football players on my T.V. screen. And I I really thought I hit the jackpot when I finally met a woman who was as disturbed and closed-off as I am.
Jordan: Thank you.
Dr. Cox: You're welcome. Still, now I want more. I- I really do. I want to talk about things. Not- Not everything. Not everything. I definitely, definitely don't want to talk about everything. For instance I don't need to know when you beat up a woman in the park because her purse is the same color as yours. But things that matter, things that are important to us as a- as a family. And I know- I know that there are guys who bring flowers and that there are guys who write love songs. But, Jordan, I'm a guy sitting in front of you here with a twice operated-on penis that says "I want to be a couple that communicates more openly."
Jordan: What kind of guy writes love songs?
Dr. Cox: Guys whose mothers make them go to ballet class.
Jordan: Fair enough.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] Being a great doctor isn't just about medical knowledge, it's also about people skills.
J.D.: Wow, that is the worst broken nose I have ever seen.
Woman: I'm here because I stepped on a nail.
J.D.: Of course.
J.D.: [v.o.] Were you walking on your nose?
J.D.: Unfortunately you're gonna have to wait a little bit longer, okay? 'Cause we admit people by severity of condition. [to Nurse Roberts] That was mortifying. [J.D. knocks a coffee cup into the air, pouring down on the woman]
Woman: Agh, my face!
J.D.: You know, with the face burns we could probably admit you now. Laverne?
J.D.: [v.o.] My "me time" hand".

Quote from Turk

Carla: Oh, and too, you know, Friday night there's a chamber orchestra playing in the courtyard of the museum.
Elliot: Oh, I'd love that.
Carla: You wanna go?
Elliot: Oh my God, I love Pachelbel.
Carla: We can go right after.
J.D.: [v.o.] Carla and Elliot were going through their weekly ritual of making plans they were never going to keep.
Carla: We should have dinner beforehand.
Elliot: Perfect.
J.D.: [v.o.] And since Turk knew these were fake plans, he used the opportunity to score bonus points with his wife. Classic husbanding.
Turk: Hey, baby. You know what? Forget dinner. I'll make you a homemade picnic basket.
Carla: Oh! I married an amazing man.
Turk: You sure did! You know what? I've got an even better idea. Maybe J.D. and I can both come, right? We'll wear sport coats, and you guys, beautiful dresses.
Elliot: Oh my God, I love that idea.
Carla: I love it. I love it. It's awesome. It's awesome!
J.D.: [v.o.] To be perfectly honest, so did I. I never get an opportunity to wear my houndstooth sports coat.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] Unlike Elliot and Carla, when Turk and I made plans we kept them.
Turk: It's 10 o'clock. You ready?
J.D.: Let's do it.
J.D.: [v.o.] But lately for us, our plans rarely involved leaving the apartment.
[J.D. and Turk swaps seats]
Turk: I wasn't too excited about taking over this spot after you sat in it for twenty minutes, but I gotta tell ya, it's warm in all the right places.
J.D.: Mm-hmm.
Turk: How do you like what I left you over there?
J.D.: Oh, man, your ass indentation is so deep, it's like I'm sitting in a giant inner tube.
J.D.: [v.o.] As Turk and I recuperated from our big chair swap, I wondered what other couples were doing tonight. Did I just refer to Turk and I as a couple? My point is, I'm sure other couples were out having fun.

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: [v.o.] I guess some people figure, What's the worst that can happen?
Dr. Cox: Well?
Jordan: It's blue. I'm not pregnant.
Dr. Cox: Oh.
JO:You know what's weird? I'm relieved, I just feel kinda sad, because I think about how beautiful our son is and I kinda wish it had gone the other way, you know? Sweetie?
[later, Dr. Cox disrupts traffic as he runs down the road:]
Dr. Cox: She's not pregnant! It came out blue! It's blue! She's not pregnant! It's blue! It came out blue!

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] I think I'll try to ask Turk something telepathically. Hey, man, you wanna do something tonight?
Turk: Dude, yeah. Let's hang out and watch some TV. We got any beer?
J.D.: I think I used the last of it to make our special party ice.
Carla: Hey, if I accidentally put beer cubes in my orange juice again, there's gonna be trouble. I almost got a D.
U.I. because of you guys.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: Carla, I'm so bummed. I can't go see the chamber orchestra tonight, I totally forgot I have my Cantonese class. And I would totally call and cancel, but the onlything I know how to say is "I'm allergic to peanuts."

Quote from Janitor

Carla: Oh, Elliot, I was really looking forward to this.
Janitor: Really? 'cause about five seconds ago you were all giddy about going home and taking a bath tonight.
Carla: Why would you do that to me?
Janitor: New thing: I'm bustin' chops.
Elliot: So you just forgot we even had plans?
Carla: What's the big deal? You were flaking on them anyway.
Elliot: I wasn't. I have my Cantonese class.
Janitor: But do you? Do you really? Bustin' chops.

Quote from Janitor

Carla: Where the hell have you been for the last few days?
Dr. Cox: Deep-sea fishing.
Carla: You hate fishing.
Dr. Cox: Went with my buddies.
Carla: You don't have any buddies.
Dr. Cox: Oh, yeah? Well, we landed a two hundred pound white marlin off the coast of San Diego.
Janitor: Interesting. 'Cause that's three thousand miles from the natural habitat of the white marlin. Well, perhaps it hopped a train from Cape Cod!
Dr. Cox: Why!?
Janitor: I'm bustin' chops today. You can ask anybody.
Carla: It's true.
Janitor: See?

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