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‘My Growing Pains’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Scrubs: My Growing Pains

705. My Growing Pains

Aired November 29, 2007

When Dr. Cox treats a young leukemia patient, he tells the kid about his condition against the wishes of the boys' parents. Meanwhile, J.D. decides it's time to give up childish games, and Elliot is determined to throw Dr. Kelso a party.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Elliot: I've got a secret.
Dr. Kelso: What has two thumbs, a funny voice, and still doesn't give a crap? [goofy voice] Bob Kelso! I added the funny voice to keep it fresh.

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Quote from Dr. Kelso

Nurse: Happy birthday, Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, thank you.
Elliot: Oh, my God, is that a smile?
Dr. Kelso: Well, it's like the last year, when the safety brake failed on Enid's wheelchair, and she started rolling toward our pool, I told myself: "Bob, it's already too late to stop it so you might as well sit back and enjoy it."

Quote from Ted

Ted: The Winstons aren't ready to litigate yet, but they're still angry. You need to mitigate the situation because they have a really good lawyer.
Dr. Cox: Honestly, Ted, I'm just surprised you know the difference between litigate and mitigate.
Ted: Their lawyer taught me. I'm telling you, the guy's really good.

Quote from Turk

J.D.: What are we doing, today?
Turk: Okay. We gotta go old school. Brace yourself on my arm. World's Most Giant Black Doctor.
J.D.: Turk, I thought we are agreed to save him for Black History Month when we wanna scare racist patients.
Turk: I know, but that guy in 204 asked me if I wanted to finish his fried chicken.
J.D.: But you love fried chicken.
Turk: And I ate that bad boy like it was my last meal, but I wasn't happy about it.

Quote from Ted

Elliot: So, how do we find that Kelso's age?
Ted: We pay a hundred people age one to a hundred, line them all up and see which one Kelso looks like.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: I say we cut off Kelso's legs and we count the rings.
Elliot: That only works on trees.
Janitor: And puppets.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] It's amazing how much kids take after their parents.
J.D.: You know how when I daydream and go like this.
Turk: Dude, you totally go like that.
J.D.: Check Sam out.
J.D.: [v.o.] I wonder what he's thinking.
[fantasy:]
J.D.: Guys, Sam is hungry. Can anybody help me out?
Dr. Kelso: [wearing a bra] Sure, sure. Pass him over here, I'm about ready to burst.
J.D.: Thanks. I'd do it myself but I'm all tapped out. Turk and I had a milk fight in the parking lot.
Turk: I lost.
Dr. Kelso: Ok, chief, latch on, it's right there. Latch. Latch. He's latched, he's latched.
J.D.: Dude we said truce!
Turk: Count it.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Board Member: Hey, Bob. Some of the other board members were saying tomorrow is your birthday. So how old does that make you?
Dr. Kelso: Well, it depends. Are we talking dog years or horny old bastard years? I'll be fifty-eight.
Elliot: I didn't know it was your birthday tomorrow! You're are definitely getting a cake. What flavor do you want? Chocolate or vanilla? Wait, don't answer. I'm gonna surprise you. It's gonna be chocolate. I like chocolate.
Dr. Kelso: Ooh, fun. Could you also have them write "Mind Your Own Damn Business" in icing and then jam your face into it so the message really sinks in?

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [as Sam] Damn, Izzy! You're looking good, girl!
Turk: [as Izzy] Thank you Sam! You not only have a soft spot in your heart, but you have one in your head!
J.D.: What do you say we hit up a Wiggles concert, then go back to my crib and pop up on some formulas, see what happens?
Turk: Come here and taste this brown sugar. Taste this brown sugar!
J.D.: Turk, we can't make them kiss until Sam can hold his head up for real.

Quote from J.D.

Turk: I missed this man. If I'm not at work, I'm taking care of Izzy. I feel like I don't get to roll with you or just do goofy stuff.
J.D.: It's just that when I have Sam I'm so busy, you know. We're up at six, I feed him, I bathe him, then it's poopy time, and then it's his poopy time.
Turk: But that's why we need to get this two together right away. They need to get married so we can hang all the time.
J.D.: There's no guarantees, Turk. The other day, I had Sam in the hospital, and when Dr. Cox brought in his daughter, he definitely turned his head. Okay, I turned it. But I can tell he wanted me to. [as Sam] There's plenty of fish in the sea, girl. I don't need you. Like look at that. You are hot, baby! What is going on over there? I want to hit that. I want to spank it good. I like to spank it, I want to give it to you. [to a mother] I'm sorry. Kids, huh? I'll talk to him.

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