Dr. Kelso: Next contestant, Dr. Reid.
Elliot: Mr. Murdock was admitted with a COPD exacerbation; he responded well to antibiotics and bronchial dilators but he did develop a rash on his, um... private area.
Dr. Kelso: Sorry, on his what?
Elliot: His peepers.
Dr. Kelso: Excuse me?
Elliot: His schwing-schwong.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, it's bad enough you run out on a patient in the middle of a pelvic exam. But you are a doctor, and you need to be able to say simple clinical words like "penis," or "vagina," or "anal."
Elliot: "Anal" is not a dirty word, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Tell that to my wife.

Elliot: You can talk to me if you want.
Turk: Elliot, I can't talk to you about sex. I don't understand that crazy gibberish you use. Penis is schwing-something.
Elliot: Schwing-schwong, peepers or peep.
Turk: And vagina is...
Elliot: Disgusting, but also bajingo or hoo-hoo.
Turk: Here's the deal. I'm trying to get in the mood, right? And Carla's going on and on about her cervical mucus.
Elliot: Ah-ah, b-b-but, mm-mmm. From now on, [quietly] cervical mucus will be referred to as "icky sticky."
Turk: Icky sticky.

Elliot: Those Gyno Girls are putting the pressure on. We must have looked at a hundred women's bajingos today. Bajingo, bajingo, bajingo. I mean, I can't even look at my own bajingo, you know?
Carla: Well, is that because it looks so much like a vagina?
Elliot: [chokes] Carla, there's people!

Dr. Simon Reid: So, did Dr. Gerson ever contact you?
Elliot: You told her to talk to me?
Dr. Simon Reid: She went to med school with a colleague at my hospital. Come on, I want to go see the department.
Dr. Kelso: Paging Dr. Backbone to the Bajingo Ward. [laughs]

Elliot: You know, it's not my fault that dirty stuff makes me uncomfortable.
J.D.: Oh, who's fault is it?
[flashback to Mrs. Reid talking to a young Elliot as the poolboy cleans the pool:]
Lily Reid: But more important than anything, more important than never letting yourself get fat, is never let a man put his dirty how-do-you-do into your bajingo. Jorge, I need to see you in the potting shed.
[present:]
Elliot: She was always yelling at Jorge in that potting shed. But she never fired him. Even after he kidnapped her and took her to Acapulco.

Elliot: [on the phone] Carla, why won't you pick up? I need to talk! I cannot believe that you leave the country the week I get back together with J.D. I feel like that's not a coincidence. Wait. I did not mean that. I know that your aunt did not fall out of that balloon on purpose. Anyway, I promised J.D. this crazy sex night, and now I'm totally losing it. I've been trying on lingerie, but nothing fits, because I ate an entire batch of cookie dough with a spatula. Plus, at my last appointment I got in a fight with my waxer, and now there is a rash on my bajingo that looks like a thousand tiny spider bites. Damn it, Carla! I need tonight to be special, and you're not there for me. And I know what you're gonna say. You're gonna say that- That you've always come through and that sometimes I'm selfish, but even if that's true, I don't need to hear your attitude right now, because I am sick of it. Do you hear me? Sick of it! I love you. Call me.

Lucy: Hey, why did you guys want to become doctors?
Elliot: Oh, actually, I didn't want to be a doctor. I wanted to be a gymnast. But I was chesty for my age, and I had no balance because when I was 9, my cousin jammed a piece of uncooked pasta in my ear. So the first time I went on the balance beam, I fell off and broke my bajingo bone. So really I became a doctor because my parents made me.

Dr. Kelso: Oh, and Dr. Reid, your patient, Mrs. Burke, has developed a urinary infection. Apparently it hurts when she makes wizzie-winkles through her sea-biscuit.

Elliot: [v.o.] Molly's nervous because her boyfriend's in town.
Dr. Molly Clock: You know, Mike's kind of private, so when we go out to dinner, just pretend I never told you any of that personal stuff.
Elliot: Gotcha.
Elliot: [v.o.] Mike's got a curved peep.

Elliot: I'm so proud of you for working things out with Sean.
J.D.: What can I say? He's my wiener cuz.
Elliot: Kim and I are bajingo sisters.
J.D.: You always wanted one of those.
Elliot: I know!