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‘My Night to Remember’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Scrubs: My Night to Remember

611. My Night to Remember

Aired March 1, 2007

A slow day at the hospital is interrupted by a patient with retrograde amnesia, giving the staff a chance to look back at six years at Sacred Heart. [clip show]

Quote from Turk

Elliot: Did you know they're actually experimenting with a drug that can erase stuff from your head, like memories, dreams.
Turk: I don't remember any of my dreams anyway. Except for the ones involving cheese and Tyra Banks. Oh, baby, don't worry. You've nothing to be threatened by. In my book it goes: cheese, you, Tyra.

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Quote from J.D.

Turk: Wanna know what animal parts I'd want?
J.D.: I could guess.
[fantasy:]
J.D.: Man, there's no milk for my coffee.
Turk: Say no more. [squeezes udder]
J.D.: Thanks, Pal!
Turk: You're welcome. - You know what'd go great with that coffee?
J.D.: What's that?
Turk: [screams]
J.D.: Turky Bacon!
Turk: Yep!
[present:]
J.D.: You'd be like a big breakfast machine!

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: There are so many moments in my life I will never forget. Oh, like that time my dad accidentally glued my mom's legs together after testing out his new homemade sex lube.
J.D.: Your dad's awesome!

Quote from J.D.

Carla: Amnesia? But what did he say when you told him he tried to commit suicide?
J.D.: I didn't tell him.
Turk: He doesn't need to deal with that right now. Hell, maybe we should never tell him.
J.D.: [v.o.] I know I'd love to forget all the painful things that have happened to me. But unfortunately I keep replaying them into my head like some clip-show from a bad sit-com, too lazy to come up with a fresh story.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] There have certainly been a lot of odd moments around here and for some reason, whenever I think about them, The Fray is always playing.
["How to Save a Life" briefly plays over a flashback of Elliot and a naked patient]
J.D.: [v.o.] No, not that Fray song. This Fray song.

Quote from J.D.

Carla: J.D.?
J.D.: I'm telling you, you guys should daydream more often. All you have to do is tilt your head to the left and let your mind run free like an eagle.
J.D.: [v.o.] As I wondered if I looked that stupid when I fantasize, I decided to check on Mr. Templeton. Unfortunately he was up and had a question.
Mr. Templeton: How'd I get hurt?
J.D.: [v.o.] Damn it!

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: It really has been an amazing six years, hasn't it? I wouldn't change a single moment, would you?
Dr. Cox: Oh, I'd damn sure change this moment. In fact, I'd change this moment and every other moment you and I have ever had that's even remotely like this moment.
J.D.: Turk, can i ask you a quick favor?
Turk: I'm not giving you a hug.
J.D.: I hate this place.

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: [v.o.] On slow days like this, we all find ways to pass the time. Dr. Cox tortured the interns.
Dr. Cox: Alright now, children, I know your shifts are over and you're all excited about going home, but first we're going to play a little game called "Answer the Question Correctly, or Stay Here Forever". Debbie, what are the neoplastic causes of hyperprolactenemia?
Debbie: Um, a topic tumor production, secondary to renal carcinoma?
Dr. Cox: Close, but no siggy. You'll be staying here forever. Did you think that was all too mean?
Lonnie: No.
Dr. Cox: Wrong, it damn sure was. You're staying here forever. And Kenyan Intern, Kenya-answer me this: Is it even possible to give the right answer in this game?
Kenyan Intern: No.
Dr. Cox: Correct!
Kenyan Intern: Yes!
Dr. Cox: [whistles] Unfortunately, you're still staying here forever. My game, my rules.

Quote from Elliot

J.D.: [v.o.] Elliot and Carla enjoyed the common practice of dividing up the stuff left behind when patient dies.
Elliot: Score! Ha, I'm going to have Keith give me these later in front of people.
Carla: Look, I can use this ratty thing to turn Turk off when I'm not in the mood.
[After a toilet flush is heard, an elderly woman emerges from the bathroom]
Elliot: Oh my God! Mrs. Travis, we are so sorry, we thought that you were dead.

Quote from Janitor

J.D.: [v.o.] And the janitor was killing time the way he always does. [flatlines]
Dr. Kelso: Crash cart to bed 3, stat!
[As Dr. Kelso approaches the patient, he sits up in bed and laughs]
Janitor: Ha, ha, ha. We gotcha! He's not really dying. I made a device that makes the sound of a flatline. It also makes that Beep-Beep sound of a truck backing up, I use that on people who are sensitive about their weight!
Dr. Kelso: I'm sure it's a blast. [walks away] Okay, i put on a few, but my son's new fiancee, Kenny, owns a Cinnabon franchise, what the hell am I supposed to do?

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] As for Turk and I, we just checked on a patient who had a pig valve installed in his heart, which sparked a lively medical debate...
Turk: So, if you could have any animal part, what would it be?
J.D.: That's easy.
Turk: Besides an elephant's penis.
J.D.: Then I need a sec. Whale's blowhole. And that way when I'm playing submarine in the bathtub I would never have to came up for air.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Elliot: This guy from the E.R., he tried to kill himself by jumping off a building.
Dr. Kelso: Let's go people. Lend a hand.
[As Dr. Kelso pulls the trolley, the Janitor plays the reversing sound]
Dr. Kelso: I'm hiring a trainer, dammit!

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] When a patient regains consciousness from a head trauma, the first order of business is simple.
J.D.: You know what your name is?
Man: I don't remember.
J.D.: Okay, well usually in this type of situation we'd refer to you as John Doe, but I think that's so unpersonal. I'm gonna call you Roger Templeton. I'm just kidding. We found your wallet. Your name is really Roger Templeton. A little memory-loss humor. Okay, no?

Quote from Turk

Carla: So you're saying you'd be just fine waking up one morning having forgotten parts of your life?
Turk: No, just the bad stuff. Like The Matrix sequels, and that time we went skiing and I got my lip mole stuck in the zipper of my puffy coat?

Quote from J.D.

Carla: Well, I know one person who's not down with erasing dreams, right J.D.?
J.D.: [v.o.] I was already gone.

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