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37Quotes from ‘My Lucky Day’

Scrubs: My Lucky Day

209. My Lucky Day

Aired December 5, 2002

After J.D. makes a one-in-a-million diagnosis of a rare condition and gets a reputation as a star doctor, he and Dr. Cox compete to treat two patients with the same condition. Meanwhile, Elliot is forced to move out of her apartment and has to deal with a malpractice suit, and Carla interferes in Dr. Cox's relationship with Jordan.

Quote from Nurse Roberts

J.D.: Thanks for starting the Solumedrol on my TTP patient. I'm sorry I'm being such a pain about this guy. It's just Dr. Cox and I have this little competition going. And I know that probably seems insensitive to you-
Nurse Roberts: Sweetheart, you don't have to explain yourself to me. But you better get your story straight when you come face-to-face with Jesus.

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Quote from Dr. Kelso

Elliot: Dr. Kelso, why does everything keep happening to me?
Dr. Kelso: Take a breath, Dr. Reid. In and out. That's it, that's it. Now, you went to four years of college and four years of medical school, so I can safely presume that you are at least eight. My God, little girl, grow up and say "how-do" to the world of modern medicine. My God. I've been sued four times.
Ted: [whispers] Ten times.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: Look, Elliot, my dad's an office supplies salesman, a bad one. So things were a little different for me growing up.
[flashback:]
Sam Dorian: See, this is a bicycle bell. Now, you hold onto this, because I'm gonna give you a different part every year. Maybe after the party we can take it out for a spin.
Young J.D.: Great.
[present:]
J.D.: Still waiting on that kickstand.

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: [v.o.] As I sat there, still searching for answers about my patient, I realized that I still needed Dr. Cox. It's hard to face a harsh truth about yourself. The only thing you can do is try to take positive steps. Unfortunately, it's hard to take positive steps when you've burned the bridge you need to walk across.
Dr. Cox: It was luck.
J.D.: What?
Dr. Cox: The thing that you forgot. Turns out, whatever you know about medicine, ultimately luck or fate or God or who knows what is always gonna end up playing a much bigger role in the whole thing than you and I ever will. Hell, it was lucky you were watching that show the other night, and it was unlucky that your patient went the other way, even though you did everything right, and for the record, you did. I was looking over your shoulder every step of the way.
J.D.: Thanks.
Dr. Cox: It wasn't a favor, Newbie. It was my job.

Quote from Elliot

Mr. Bragin: I prepared myself, you know? I was really ready.
Elliot: Yeah.
Mr. Bragin: Dr. Reid, have you ever faced your own mortality?
Elliot: Before senior prom I tried to wax my own eyebrows and took them both clean off. Yeah. And by that, I mean no. Never.
Mr. Bragin: Must have been a tough time for you, though.
Elliot: Oh, sure.

Quote from Jordan

Turk: Excuse me, ma'am. Jordan! Carla has something she'd like to tell you. Carla.
Carla: I didn't mean to upset you, even though everything I said was true and you know it.
Turk: Baby, that is a God-awful apology. That is just God-awful.
Jordan: It's because she's not really sorry. Honey, I know your type. It is so easy to see other people's problems from way up there on your pedestal. But you better be careful up there, because if you fall off and have to walk around down here with the rest of us, I don't know, you might catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror, the surface of a pond, or your boyfriend's gigantic, shiny head, and trust me, you're not gonna like what you see.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Yes, hello? Could we please get my hormonal, extremely annoying ex-wife's amnio underway?
Jordan: Wow, I can't wait to write that down in the baby journal. Could you be a bigger ass right now?
Dr. Cox: Could you have a bigger ass right now?

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [to neighbor] Oh, thank God! We were looking all over for you. Rowdy, bad. I don't know why he always goes to your door. Do you have a stuffed cat? [closes door]
Turk: Nothing?
J.D.: Nada. That's 14 times we've done it to him, and not one laugh.
Turk: Mark it up.

Quote from J.D.

Dr. Cox: I guarantee you that's a simple case of cellulitis right there.
J.D.: Actually, Dr. Cox, I was watching TV last night, and they had this special on flesh-eating bacteria.
Dr. Cox: Necrotizing fasciitis.
J.D.: Yes, I think they called it flesh-eating bacteria to sound more flashy, hook in all the idiots.
Dr. Cox: Apparently it worked.
J.D.: Anyhoo, point being, they said it was easy to confuse cellulitis with Chompers. [off Dr. Cox's look] Chompers was the animated, flesh-eating bacteria that narrated the special.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Look, Britney, recently I made the potentially fatal mistake of getting back together with my ex-wife who, angel that she is, is carrying the spawn of another man's seed. So forgive me if I sound irritable when I tell you I don't care what piece of irrelevant drivel you picked off TV while you were snuggled up in your Holly Hobby PJs.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: Brilliant! Necrotizing fasciitis. That's a one-in-a-million diagnosis, son. One-in-a-million.
J.D.: Ah, it's nothing, sir. Anyone could have made that call.
Dr. Kelso: And yet they didn't. The student becomes the teacher, eh, Perry? [laughs] Warms my heart.
J.D.: Thank you, sir.
Dr. Kelso: I don't care about you, son! I'm trying to do something here. Rats! He broke my rhythm.

Quote from J.D.

Dr. Cox: Now, I'm guessing this is just about the greatest moment of your life, huh, Newbie?
[flashback to J.D. at a bar sitting next to a man:]
J.D.: [v.o.] Holy crap, it's David Copperfield.
[present:]
J.D.: Well, definitely top two.
[flashback:]
J.D.: What's that I see in your ear? Paz-ow!
David Copperfield: Cool. A coin.
J.D.: Do you want it?
David Copperfield: Here, you take it.
J.D.: Oh... [chuckles]
David Copperfield: Oh, magic!
[present:]
J.D.: No, top three, top three.
Dr. Cox: Oh, God.

Quote from J.D.

Dr. Cox: Oh, Eunice, you never would have made that catch if you weren't such an all-purpose nerd, sitting home alone on a Saturday night, watching some medical special on TV.
J.D.: First of all, in your face, because it was Friday night. Secondly, I would have made the catch regardless. You see, if you use your head and do some homework, medicine is just basically science.
Dr. Cox: Oh, please explain medicine to me, because without you I don't know what to do.
Dr. Kelso: Admitting it is the first step, Perry. Am I right, Ace?
J.D.: You are correct, sir!
Dr. Cox: That's enough on that one. I think we've clearly exhausted it.

Quote from Turk

Carla: Why does he keep going back to her?
Turk: I don't know. Why do people keep marrying Larry King? The man looks like a frog.

Quote from Elliot

Carla: Elliot, listen to me. You have to sit down and make a budget.
Elliot: You know, I called my mom today to see if she could convince my dad to send some cash, right? She says I should try and think of this as an opportunity, and then she hung up on me.
J.D.: Just like that?
Elliot: Well, I may have told her she spends more money dyeing her roots than I do on groceries.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: I say we let Super Doc here take 'em.
J.D.: Are you too busy eating sour grapes?
Dr. Cox: Oh, look who peeked in his shorts and found a pair. What, are you feeling like you finally took on the old man in a game of one-on-one and kicked his ass? Well, here's the newsflash there, Skeech, it was a fluke.
J.D.: Believe what you want to believe. I'll do it again.
Dr. Cox: All right, fair enough. Here's your chance. Two identical patients. I say we divide 'em up, just like in The Parent Trap. One goes with the sexy, freewheeling bachelor dad, hello. The other goes with the whiny, neurotic, sexually-repressed mom, just you all over. Oh, and I checked tonight's TV listings. There is no special on that disease, so you're gonna wanna stop at the Blockbuster.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: Mr. Bragin, it is so great to see you back in the hospital.
Mr. Bragin: Woo-hoo! I got a tube in my penis.
Elliot: Come on, you're just a little dehydrated from the chemo. Plus, there are no signs whatsoever of your pancreatic cancer. You should be ecstatic. I mean, nine months ago I told you you had eight months to live.
Remember?
Mr. Bragin: I vaguely recall that.
Elliot: Yeah, of course you do. That is totally my fault. Who knew we could cure cancer?

Quote from Dr. Kelso

J.D.: Hey, Dr. Cox. You'll be happy to know that I did everything for my patient that you did for yours.
Dr. Cox: Oh, my God, I care so little I almost passed out.
Dr. Kelso: Hey, Ace, your TTP patient coded. I pronounced him.
J.D.: He died?
Dr. Kelso: I certainly hope so. Otherwise that autopsy's going to be a bitch.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: How the hell did my patient die? I mean, you started corticosteroids, I started corticosteroids. You did plasmapheresis, I did plasmapheresis. You yelled at Mark the orderly, I yelled at Mark the orderly. Hey, Mark.
Frank: [mocking] "Hey, Mark."
J.D.: See, he's pissed.
Dr. Cox: That's because his name is Frank. Now, as far as your patient's concerned, Newbie, I'm afraid you forgot a very important thing.
J.D.: [v.o.] For whatever reason I was finally fed up.
J.D.: You know what, I've been working my ass off here for the last year and a half, and the last thing I need is another one of your condescending, never-ending speeches where you spoon-feed me some lesson and call me a girl's name.
Dr. Cox: Well, then have it your way there, Carol, 'cause I'm out. Good luck, everyone.
J.D.: Go ahead. Walk away. Because I'm not gonna obsess about this.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: A lawsuit? So you're suing me because you're not dying?
Mr. Bragin: Dr. Reid, I didn't want to face my own mortality. You forced me to. Now I can't earn any money because my job seems trivial. I can't be in a relationship, because what's the point? Oh, and here's the topper. Remember my horrible, judgmental father I hadn't spoken to in 15 years? Well, good news, doc, we've patched things up. And guess who's coming over Saturday to watch the game and tell me what a jerk I am?
Elliot: Well, you asked me to estimate how much time you had left!
Mr. Bragin: And you told me I'd be dead by now.
Elliot: Well, you're not! So, sue me!
Mr. Bragin: I am.
Elliot: It was a figure of speech. And your dad was right about you.
Mr. Bragin: Why don't you tell him yourself.
Mr. Bragin, Sr.: Hey, Assface.
Mr. Bragin: Hiya, Pops.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Now, you haven't discussed the lawsuit with Mr. Bragin, have you?
[flashback:]
Elliot: A lawsuit?
[present:]
Elliot: It sort of came up, yeah.
Ted: Oh, God! Tell me you didn't antagonize him.
[flashback:]
Elliot: So sue me!
[present:]
Ted: Or admit fault.
[flashback:]
Elliot: That is totally my fault.
[present:]
Ted: Oh, come on! A good lawyer couldn't win this case.
Dr. Kelso: Ah, new drapes. They're awful.

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: Hey, Dr. Cox, I'm sorry. I was frustrated before, so now I'm here, why don't you go ahead and tell me what I forgot?
Dr. Cox: Can I? Really?
J.D.: Sure. Hit me.
Dr. Cox: How about go to hell, Shakira?
J.D.: What?
Dr. Cox: What? Now you've decided you're ready to listen, how does it work? You gonna pull a string on my back? Well, step right up and give it a tug. But I bet it keeps coming up, "Go to hell, Shakira."
J.D.: Why do you always have to be like that? You know, I try harder than anyone in this place and you never give me any credit.
Dr. Cox: Now, you listen to me, Newbie. I'm not doing this because I get my jollies being your mentor, and I'm damn sure not doing it so years from now I can say, "Boy, I knew him when." I'm doing it because if I don't, people would die.
J.D.: Thanks for your help.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: You know what, Mr. Bragin? I figured something out.
Mr. Bragin: That damn nurse broke my bed.
Elliot: That's just it. You blame everyone else for anything that goes wrong in your life. Like this. The nurse didn't break your bed. You just press this button. All right, it is broken. The point is, if you hate your job, maybe you need to switch careers. If you can't get into a relationship, maybe you have problems with commitment, eh? And I know I'm right because I'm the exact same way. I blame my parents for not preparing me for the real world. I blame this hospital for taking up all of my time. I'm even blaming you for jeopardizing my future. But you know what? It's time for me to grow up and start holding myself accountable. And I'm doing it.
Mr. Bragin: Good for you.
Elliot: You're still suing me, aren't you?
Mr. Bragin: Yeah, but I feel like now you'll be able to handle it. [clicks tongue]

Quote from Turk

Turk: You know what? We're just gonna have to get him fixed. The good news is, he doesn't need to go to a vet. We could just pop these things right off. [The neighbor chuckles] Yes! Baby, you have got to tell J.D., because he is not gonna believe it.

Quote from Turk

Carla: Jordan was right about me. I'm insecure and I judge people to cover up for it. I mean, even right now, all I can think about is to tell you you're a surgeon now, and if you want to be taken seriously you have to start acting like an adult.
Turk: You had to say all of that?
Carla: Well, you have a habit of not listening to things unless people spell them out for you. Oh, my God, I can't stop.
Turk: Baby, maybe it's something you need to work on.
Carla: I promise you, I will never ever tell you what to do, ever again.
Turk: Yeah, you will. But with me it's OK, because I love you. Besides, I barely listen anyway. C'mon, Rowdy. Let's go, boy. Let's head up the fourth floor. Whoa! Whoa, boy! Slow down!


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