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‘My Chief Concern’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Scrubs: My Chief Concern

817. My Chief Concern

Aired May 5, 2009

Everything's changing at the hospital when J.D. decides to move closer to Sam, Turk starts his new job as Chief of Surgery, and Ted and the Gooch move in together. Meanwhile, Dr. Cox is angry when Elliot protects Denise after she makes a mistake.

Quote from Janitor

Lady: Hey, you coming up to the third floor today?
Janitor: No, I am not cleaning the third floor this month. I'm sending a message: You steal a man's sandwich off his cart, you stew in your own filth.
Lady: Sweetie, I took that sandwich.
Janitor: Well, I can't change my mind now. I'll look like a flip-flopper.

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Quote from Elliot

Turk: Nice pull, Denise. That kid is so fine, he's actually made a couple of guest appearances up in here.
Elliot: Me, too. I've got this one scenario, where he and I are walking down a dark alley, and J.D. is a mugger who jumps out with a knife. Derek used to be the mugger, but then I thought that was a little racially insensitive. Anyway, there's a scuffle. I wind up with the knife. So at first, I force them both to pleasure me. But then it takes a left turn and I go on a killing spree. Eh, I know it's a little weird, but we all have our little tricks to help us climax, right?
Carla: Elliot Reid, two years therapy-free!
Elliot: I don't need it anymore.

Quote from Denise

Denise: I don't know why I keep jumping into bed with him. My confidence is shot from screwing up that spinal tap last week, and then yesterday, I misdiagnosed an ectopic pregnancy. I don't know. Maybe I wanted to do something I knew I could do right, like banging a dude. I'm a giant ho-bag.
Elliot: No, no, you are not! So, is Derek a good guy?
Denise: Derek? I thought it was "Eric".

Quote from Janitor

Lady: Listen, my sister Amy's son is having a tough time at school, and since his dad is out of the picture, I thought maybe you could sit down and talk to him.
Janitor: Amy, who gave us a doily for our wedding, wants me to save her boy?
Lady: Please?
Janitor: That seems fair.
[later:]
Janitor: So, Ian.
Ethan: It's Ethan.
Janitor: Whatever. Your mom says you're having a rough time in school?
Ethan: Liam stole my backpack. I wanna hit him.
Janitor: No, no, we don't hit. Never. You hit somebody, and the anger's gone, and it's all over. No, the goal should be to keep that anger inside you, growing, like an anger baby. You've got to get inside Liam's head, right? You've got to find out Liam's weaknesses. Like, uh, is he afraid of the dark? Does he have any food allergies? How's he do if he's left out on open water? Does he have a pet? Could that pet be convinced to betray him? Would you be willing to get plastic surgery to further your goals? Would you change the location of your eyes to here? That's the level of commitment I'm looking for. Or maybe I'm just wasting my time.
Ethan: Are you on drugs?
Janitor: Are you?

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: [v.o.] As I scanned across their faces, it felt amazing to see how everyone truly felt about me. [Dr. Cox is smiling]
Elliot: Why are you stretching?
Dr. Cox: Because, Barbie, I'm just so very happy, that I'm gonna try something I haven't done since high school. Backflip! [crashes onto the floor] Did I stick it, you guys?
J.D.: No, you did not.
Dr. Cox: It was worth it.

Quote from Turk

Carla: I'm just saying, the only time you two haven't been together was our honeymoon. [off J.D.'s look] What?
J.D.: It's time. Yes.
Turk: Fine. Honey, J.D. and I were together during our honeymoon. He flew in and stayed in the bungalow by the pool.
J.D.: He forgot his favorite lotion. Am I supposed to let him get ashy?
Turk: We only hung out together when you were sleeping or when I said I was going to get a massage.
J.D.: Well, sometimes you were. [Carla leaves, Turk follows] Smell you later!
Turk: [returns] I know. You know, some people don't think so?

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: Well, it's good to be near your son. I still toy with the idea of moving up to Seattle to be closer to Harrison's bordello. Harrison has dropped all pretense. He's a man-whore now.
J.D.: Oh, there's good money in that, especially if you do the naughty stuff.

Quote from Janitor

Jordan: Hey, weirdo!
Janitor: Yes?
Jordan: You must be excited that your little nemesis is going.
Janitor: No, I'm not. I finally have my life in order. I've got my wife, I've got my Brain Trust, and I finally tricked Johan in the gift shop into accepting my new fake currency. Then Dorian comes along and upsets the status quo. I will bet you five bendels that other people follow suit. Change begets change begets change.

Quote from Ted

Jordan: Hey, sweat stain! How's it goin' with your girlfriend, now that you guys are roomies?
Ted: Oh, we're having sex, like, all the time. [all groan] Why do people react like that when they picture me having sex?
Dr. Kelso: You try it!
Ted: Oh, God!
Dr. Kelso: Not a pretty sight, is it?

Quote from J.D.

Turk: I'm the new Chief of Surgery, you know, and you're Dr. Cox's number two guy. I thought eventually we'd be running this place together.
J.D.: How cool would that be?
[fantasy: two nurses open the reception door as smartly-dressed J.D. and Turk eat dessert:]
Carla: I love how you two have kept everything in the hospital the same, you know, except for the free pudding.
Turk: [slaps bowl out of Carla's hand] Sorry baby, but the free pudding's for us.
J.D.: Turk, you made a mess. Let him out!
[The Janitor emerges from a cage]
J.D.: Janitor: Janitor eat? Janitor clean. Janitor only clean.
Janitor: [about a nurse] Eat?
Both: No!
Janitor: Clean?
Both: No!
[reality:]
J.D.: Pretty awesome.

Quote from J.D.

Elliot: The park was such a blast. But I had no idea he was so scared of puppies.
Kim: Oh, he usually loves them.
Elliot: Oh, I wasn't talking about Sam.
J.D.: That was not a puppy. It was a full-grown dachshund. And it came at me like a rabid missile.
Kim: I heard when you're being attacked by a tiny gay dog, you're supposed to pull its sweater over its head and hockey fight it.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: Sam was so happy this morning, I decided I'm definitely moving here. You know, it's only 37 minutes from work, it makes it so much easier for me to see more of him, you know?
Kim: I think that's great, J.D. This feels right.
J.D.: [v.o.] Still, sometimes when you make big decisions, life starts going so fast that it seems like you're not even moving through it. It just happens to you. Like that, I found a new place, furnished it. And after work, I got in my car and made the 37 minute drive to my new home.

Quote from Turk

Turk: Hey, baby, check out my new badge. "Christopher Turk, Chief of Surgery."
Carla: I am so proud of you. [sees Turk wearing a party hat on his badge picture] No.
Turk: Yes.

Quote from Kim

Kim: Hey J.D., since you're coming around my hospital a lot more often now, I was hoping maybe you could dress a little nicer. And maybe say "Smell you later" a little less often, or just stop completely.
J.D.: Are you sure? It's hilarious.
Kim: It's not. [horn honks]
J.D.: Hey, calm down, gramps!
Kim: Now you're screaming at my Chief of Medicine. Sorry, Dr. Mantoots. [J.D. chuckles] Don't laugh.
J.D.: His name is "Mantoots"?
Kim: Yes, I know, I know. Stop laughing.

Quote from J.D.

Elliot: Tell them.
J.D.: [v.o.] This was gonna be hard.
J.D.: I got a job at St. Vincent's. I'm leaving Sacred Heart at the end of the month.
Turk: What? How?
J.D.: Well, I was apologizing to Kim's Chief of Medicine, Dr. Mantoots.
[Turk laughs, J.D. joins in]
J.D.: Mantoots. Anyway, Mantoots and I ended up hitting it off, and he actually offered me their Residency Director job. It pays a little bit more money, and I'm really liking being closer to Sam, so I took it.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: So, with the new job, do you think you'll be able to keep the romance going?
Elliot: I don't think it should be that hard.
Dr. Cox: I was talking to them. [J.D. and Turk]
Elliot: Hilarious.
Dr. Cox: You mean to tell me you're interested in Newbie that way, too?

Quote from J.D.

Carla: Seriously, are you two gonna be okay? I mean, you lived together in college, and med school, out here. I mean, you guys are inseparable.
Turk: It's not a big deal. I mean, sure it's gonna suck not working together, but we'll see each other all the time. We're only 37 minutes away.
J.D.: 35, if I don't stop at the blueberry stand.
Turk: Yeah, but if I'm with you, we're stopping for blueberries.
J.D.: Hell yeah, we are.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: So, how's Mrs. Gallin doing after her surgery?
Denise: Incision's clean, she's afebrile and her vital signs are stable.
Elliot: Time to put on my Cheery Patient Face. Hi. Hi. Hi. There it is. Hi, I'm Dr. Reid.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: I've never actually had a chance to work with you before. Are you enjoying it here?
Denise: Oh God, no. Are you?
Dr. Cox: Not ever. I like you. [Denise walks away] I like her.

Quote from Jordan

J.D.: So anyway, I start at St. Vincent's at the end of the month.
Jordan: What are you doing with Vincent? I wasn't listening.
J.D.: Never mind.
Jordan: Vincent's my hairdresser.

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