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‘Our New Girl-Bro’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Scrubs: Our New Girl-Bro

906. Our New Girl-Bro

Aired January 1, 2010

Turk struggles to move on now that J.D. has left the hospital, so he auditions new best friends. An over-worked and exhausted Lucy finds a new role model in Elliot, who is on top of her job even while pregnant. Meanwhile, Dr. Cox and Drew team up to get Cole doing grunt work.

Quote from Turk

Turk: You want to talk about sad, I spent the whole morning moping around 'cause J.D. wasn't here. It took me about an hour to get out of it.
Elliot: Oh, he said to say he misses you.
Turk: He did?
Elliot: Yeah.
[Turk exhales deeply as the Scrubs sad theme plays]
Elliot: It's okay. It's okay. He reacted the same way when he got your muffin basket.

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Quote from Turk

Elliot: Look, Turk, I know that you're hurting, but you're gonna find someone else here to ride the eagle with.
Turk: Elliot, you don't ride the eagle. You eagle. You choose "toe or thumb?". You join "Fight Club with Pillows."
Elliot: You and J.D. had a pillow fight club?
Turk: The first rule of pillow fight club, you don't talk-
Elliot: Yeah, I get it.
Turk: No, I don't think you do. Elliot. Elliot, please don't say anything.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: Hey, Turkleton. I know what it's like to lose a friend. I lost my good buddy Steve back in Korea.
Turk: Sir, that was a horrible war.
Dr. Kelso: Yes, it was, but I'm talking about a family trip we took to the '88 Olympics. I suggested a wife swap to Steve, and things got pretty weird. Yes, it was an amazing night, but was it worth it to lose a good friend over? Probably.

Quote from Denise

Denise: Great effort in the sack last night. Just remember, when I say, "I hate you. Don't touch me," It's not about you. It's about all men.
Drew: Cool.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: That's okay.That's okay, Turk. I can do this with you. See that nurse over there? She looks like a Mexican Carrie Scott.
Turk: Who?
Elliot: Childhood friend. Yeah, she, uh, joined a cult and disappeared when she was 16. Oh, my God. That could actually be her if she got really tan. Carrie! Carrie Scott! No, not her. Police are right. She's probably dead. What were we talking about?
Turk: I don't remember.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: So I said to the lady, "Where can a well-hung marine buy a pair of shoes around here?" [laughs]
Turk: [laughs] I don't even know what that is.
Dr. Kelso: Turkleton, those days are gone.
Denise: Dr. Kelso, really? Please tell me you're not another one of Dr. Turk's gentleman suitors.
Dr. Kelso: I am indeed. I think it will be great to have a black friend to help me out with the sisters. Get my swirl on.
Turk: That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

Quote from Lucy

Lucy: [v.o.] I finally figured out the key to getting everything done at medical school. Do a bunch of things at once and never sleep.
Lucy: [on the phone] Hey, Dad. Don't have a lot of time for our daily update, but here goes. School's hard, dorm's gross, not really dating, but I am having my lady needs tended to by a handsome young stallion. [laughs] Wow. Just remembered who I'm talking to. Sorry, Dad. But since it's out there, hot damn, I am in the middle of a real sexual awakening right now. Hmm? Yeah, that's about enough for me today, too. Talk to you tomorrow.

Quote from Lucy

Lucy: Oh, good. Dr. Turk. I scanned those slides for your lung lecture. I e-mailed them to you. Did you get a chance to check 'em?
Turk: He's gone, Lucy. He's gone.
Lucy: [v.o.] Yesterday was Dr. Dorian's last day. Dr. Turk was taking it pretty hard.
[fantasy: Turk sings as he carries J.D.'s casket in a New Orleans-style funeral with a brass band]
Lucy: He done gone to Zion.
Turk: What?

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: Hey, Turk. Okay, this is why pregnancy sucks. Your stupid name took my head right to "turkey," because I Have been craving the hell out of thanksgiving food all week. This morning I actually pounded a jar of cranberry sauce and some dry stuffing. It was like a holiday, only much, much sadder.

Quote from Denise

Drew: Crap, I'm late for class.
Denise: Drew, wait. There's something I have to tell you. I'm late, too.
Drew: You missed your-
Denise: Yeah.
Drew: Oh, my god.
Denise: [laughs] I'm kidding. Your face looks so dumb right now.
Drew: Why would you do that to me?
Denise: I'm bored.
Drew: You're lucky I vibe on crazy. [they kiss]
Denise: I hate you. Don't touch me.
Drew: Fair enough.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Now then, today we will be looking at patients with pancreatic disorders.
Drew: Shh.
Cole: [loudly] Hey, Drew. Glad you could make it.
Drew: Sorry I'm late.
Dr. Cox: You should be sorry as I'm giving all of you murderers the honor of shadowing me today. There is no penalty forthcoming, However, as it is an optional exercise.
Cole: Optional? Hey, man, I gotta cruise. Bunch of crap to do. You- You cool here?
Dr. Cox: Now just a second. You're leaving? Well, what the heck am I supposed to do? How will the hospital get by, for god sake? [mutters] Shut it down. [electricity powers down] Everyone, shut it down. It's over. [machine beeping erratically] Stop saving lives.

Quote from Cole

Cole: [laughs] Man, you crack me up. Ugh. Uh, but for reals, I gotta split. I met this old cat upstairs who's got really painful glaucoma. [sing-songy] Translation: crazy-ass government product. [normal voice] Yeah, we'll probably hang out. Maybe watch some Benson reruns. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
Dr. Cox: Number One, remind me again why I can't kill him.
Drew: His daddy built the hospital.
Dr. Cox: Fair enough. All of you remain where you are for a moment. I'm going to punch through a wall.

Quote from Turk

Elliot: You all right?
Turk: It was a rough surgery. I don't think the guy's gonna make it.
Elliot: Oh, that stinks.
Turk: Yeah. This is when I really miss J.D. You know, at work, he'd see me like this and then try and pick me up. Then I'd point to that doctor over there and I'd say, "Who does that look like to you?" and he'd say...
Elliot: Who?
Turk: A Japanese Laura Dern. How do you not see that? I can't believe you get to see J.D. naked. That was weird.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Lucy: [v.o.] This morning was such a disaster. Maybe my problem is that I've been trying to do too much. Mm, I decided to do some optional shadowing of Dr. Cox to get my mind off it.
Lucy: Dr. Cox, may I ask you a question?
Dr. Cox: Do you see that shadow over there? Do you see how it's just quietly standing against the wall, not asking inane questionsthat make me crave the sweet taste a hollow-point bullet? That's you. A dumb, quiet shadow. Act like it.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: [on the phone] J.D., what's wrong? Yes, sweetie, Turk misses you, too. What? I don't- He's wearing scrubs. His green ones.

Quote from Lucy

Elliot: Who are you and why are you following me around and staring at me?
Lucy: I'm Lucy. I'm a med student.
Lucy: [v.o.] Be cool, Lucy. Be cool.
Lucy: And I just have to say, you have the spirit of a noble warrior, which is not to say that you're not incredibly feminine, because clearly you are. I mean, you're, like, stupid, frickin' pregnant, but also so skinny. I mean, come on. You're like a snake that ate a tiny horse. [laughs] My point is, I'd like to get to know you better.
Elliot: Oh, so you're crazy.
Lucy: Oh, yeah.
Elliot: Oh, that's cool. I'm Dr. Elliot reid. See you later. Who's got food? Mama needs a refill! I'm dying here!

Quote from Cole

Turk: All right, class, we're looking for evidence of disease or abnormality.
Cole: Hey, Dr. T. I heard one time they opened up a dude's stomach, and there was a finger inside of it. I mean, think about it. You're in a lab, you're a little buzzed, everything's cool. Then all of a sudden your dead guy's flipping you the bird with another dude's finger. I mean, what?!

Quote from Denise

Denise: [to Cole] So, you and me? We're gonna have a stupid jar. Every time you say something stupid, we're gonna put a nickel in that jar. And when that jar gets nice and full, we're gonna take it and beat you with it. Okay?
Cole: Dude. How much fun is she in the sack?
Drew: More scary.

Quote from Cole

Drew: Look Cole, you gotta dial it down a bit. School newspaper's coming out next week, and they're publishing class rankings.
Cole: I thought you were already number one.
Drew: That's just with Dr. Cox. These are the real rankings. Everything counts: grades, participation, grunt work. Everyone sees.
Cole: Really?
Drew: Yeah.
Cole: Huh. Hey, it's all good. I don't mind if people know my rank. Okay, it's like going to the gym. When you blast it as hard as I do, you want people to notice. How much you think I bench?
Drew: I don't know, like-
Cole: I don't bench. I do high intensity reps. I'm toned as balls.

Quote from Turk

Denise: What's with the lame writing on your ass? Is it like a surgeon thing?
Turk: No, it's for pork chop day, an old tradition for me and J.D. We made special pants. His said "pork" on the back. That's actually why he had that little sexual harassment thingy.

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