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My Fallen Idol

‘My Fallen Idol’

Season 5, Episode 21 - Aired May 2, 2006

After Dr. Cox shows up for work drunk following the death of three patients, Carla gets the hospital staff to rally around and each spend time with him. As everyone does their time, J.D. puts off seeing his mentor. Meanwhile, Turk struggles to bond with his new boss.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: Oh, Perry? I don't really know why I'm here, but Nurse Espinosa said if I didn't, she'd stop coming over to my house and giving instructions to my pool boy. He speaks perfect English, but doesn't have any front teeth, so I can never look at him without laughing. [chuckles] Anyway, I don't know what she expects me to say to you. I mean, all you do is bust my ass day in and day out. I guess you... you keep me in line on those rare occasions when I lose sight of things. You could say we balance each other out pretty well. [sighing] Perry the hospital needs you. I need you. What the hell are you doing?


Quote from J.D.

J.D.: You're probably wondering why I didn't show up before, huh? I know you wanted me to, even though you'd never admit it. Normally I would kill to get into this apartment, and you'd try and keep me out. I say "try" because, at your Super Bowl party, which I was not invited to, I was lucky enough to be able to watch the second half from right over there. I was the bearded Domino's employee you invited in because I said I was a fan of Jerome Bettis, whoever the hell that is. Anyway, I tried to convince myself the reason I didn't come earlier was because of you coming into work drunk. But that's not it. I was scared. I guess after all this time, I still think of you as, like, this superhero that will help me out of any situation I'm in. I needed that. But that's my problem, you know, and I'll deal with that. I guess I came over here to tell you how proud of you I am. Not because you did the best you could for those patients but because after 20 years of being a doctor when things go badly, you still take it this hard. And I got to tell you, man, I mean that's the kind of doctor I want to be.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] I couldn't really worry about bailing on Dr. Cox. The Stanleys' child was sick and I had just spent the last 20 minutes asking them awkward questions to rule out the possibility of child abuse.
Mrs. Stanley: Who would smother their own child?
J.D.: You'd be surprised. There's something called Munchausen Syndrome, where a parent will intentionally harm their child to get some attention on themselves.
Mrs. Stanley: I've never heard of that. Someone should do a public service announcement about it.
J.D.: [v.o.] Hmm. Someone should.
[fantasy: J.D. hosts an NBC "the more you know" public service announcement:]
J.D.: Had a tough day at the office, so you come home, make yourself some dinner, smother your kids, pop in a movie, maybe have a drink. It's fun, right? Wrong. Don't smother your kids.
J.D.: That problem would be gone forever.

Quote from Janitor

Turk: What am I going to do about Dr. Stone?
J.D.: You're going to cry in front of him. [Turk laughs] Laugh if you must, but it'll show you have emotional depth and it will trigger a nurturing impulse inside him that we sensies can't resist.
Turk: How the hell am I supposed to cry?
Janitor: You need to cry. Let's brainstorm. I could hit you over the head with a wrench. Or I could stab you in the gut with a knife. [sings] Knife-wrench. Practical and safe. [puts it in his pocket, knife-side down] Whoa! Ow! Oh! Oh, boy!

Quote from J.D.

Mr. Ketay: Why aren't you making a bigger fuss?
J.D.: Uh, I would have, Mr. Ketay, but Dr. Reid is throwing a huge celebration for you later.
J.D.: [v.o.] I should tell her about that. The truth is, thanks to modern medicine, 80 isn't that big a deal anymore. It's not like the olden days.
[fantasy, J.D. and a family of pilgrims at a cemetery:]
J.D.: Let us not feel sorrow for Bobby Adams. He was 12. He led a full life. He will be missed. Especially by his beautiful wife, Jenny, who stood by him, even when he turned six, had a mid-life crisis, and was caught banging one of those naked people that brought us corn.
J.D.: I'd be the oldest man in Pilgrim Village.

Quote from J.D.

Lisa: I heard that he attacked one of the busboys.
Keith: Yeah, I heard he bitch-slapped the maitre d'.
J.D.: Now, enough, gang. That's how rumors get started. Hell, Gloria, I made a joke once that you were hooking up with Leonard, the big, black security guard with the hook-hand, now everyone thinks it's true.
Gloria: It is true. And I'm never going back.
Leonard: Gloria! [kissing sound] I love me some white meat.
J.D.: Okay, well, make sure you put antiseptic on any puncture wounds, okay?

Quote from Todd

Todd: Nurse, I will need you to help me drain some fluid. But first, we have to work on this patient.
Turk: Todd, take the scalpel and carve this into your arm. "No nurse will ever touch your dangle."

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: Anyway, you know what I do when I'm having a really tough time getting through things? I just leave the city, get into nature, and just take stock of what's really important. Just make sure you don't go to a popular parachute drop-zone. I don't know if it was the adrenaline rush or because I thought he was an angel, but that is fastest I've ever gone from meeting to kissing. Yeah. True story.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: Anyhoo, don't worry about crying. I got this menthol from the pharmacy. I read online that actors in "Holly-weird" spray their eyes when they need to fake-cry.
Turk: Why do you have five of them?
J.D.: Oh, I'm using it for the final death scene in my movie, Dr. Acula. Last night, my German financier, Hans, rest in peace, died on the Autobahn. So now I got to shoot the whole thing on my cell phone.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Jordan: Hello, Bob. No cheek kiss necessary.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, good. I had pipe breath. So when was the last time I was here? '97? I know it's been a while because Enid could still fit through that door. [laughs] I shouldn't joke, she's very ill.
Jordan: I'm going to go take a shower.

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