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‘My Ocardial Infarction’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Scrubs: My Ocardial Infarction

413. My Ocardial Infarction

Aired January 18, 2005

J.D. is reluctant to learn from Elliot when she overtakes him as a doctor. Turk gets a wake-up call about his diabetes. Meanwhile, the Janitor goes out on a limb with Elliot.

Quote from Janitor

[J.D. is in a dumpster with his scooter after accidentally riding through the hospital after he received a phone call while driving:]
J.D.: Whoever this is, you are not gonna believe what just happened to me.
Janitor: [on the phone] No, I believe it. It was cool.
J.D.: Janitor! Ambrosia.

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Quote from J.D.

J.D.: Elliot diagnosed Mrs. Kasuba, not me.
Dr. Cox: I know. And your guilty anguish is... It's delicious. It's like a little mini-meal between lunch and dinner. Quite frankly, it's all I can do not to grind pepper on your head.
J.D.: I don't get it. When did she become a better doctor than me?
Dr. Cox: Probably during one of those countless times you were goofing off?
J.D.: Hey, as soon as I step foot in this hospital, I'm all business.
[flashback to outside the hospital:]
J.D.: Good morning, Dr. Cox. From the world's most giant doctor.
[present:]
J.D.: Well, that was outside the hospital. Plus, Elliot was the legs. Sure, she's skinny, but she's thick through the trunk.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Baby. What's going on with you.
Turk: Ever since I got this thing I've been joking around about it, sneaking cookies, and hiding from it. All because I'm scared to ask myself the questions: Is it gonna get worse? Or are our kids gonna have it? Or how old am I gonna be when it finally gets me? You don't understand.
Carla: I don't understand? Turk, look at me. I'm a WOD.
Turk: I keep trying to tell you this, but it's the mirror in the bathroom, baby. You haven't gained a pound since I met you.
Carla: No, I'm a WOD. Wife Of Diabetic. That's what they call us in all the diabetic chat rooms. I spend a lot of time on the computer, talking about how proud I am of my husband and how he's handling this. How he's able to make jokes about it - and money. It's okay to be afraid, I am. But I have to tell you, I don't know what I would do if you suddenly became someone who let something own you.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] It's been a long road, but over the past two months, Elliot and I have totally rebuilt our friendship.
J.D.: Incoming.
Elliot: Good morning. [pulls desk]
J.D.: Co-chiefy, got you a little som'n-som'n.
Elliot: Thank you! [pushes desk] And I actually got you a little something.
J.D.: A magnifying glass?
Elliot: Yes. For these.
J.D.: You got the tiny Post-Its! Awesome! For our tiny bulletin board. And, I have a dentist appointment that got moved to Tuesday at 4 PM. "Don't floss before you come in, it makes your gums bloody."

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: [v.o.] Bottom line: together, Elliot and I are the greatest co-chief residents of all time.
Dr. Cox: You two are, without a doubt, the worst co-chief residents of all time. And in case you haven't noticed, we've got ourselves one hospital chock-full of monkey interns, and, news-flash, your job is to catch whatever they're flinging. Coffee talk, ladies, is now officially over. Get your asses to work. Now!

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] We knew how to protect the interns from Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Kelso: Look, Brent, is it? Son, please tell me you come with a money back guarantee, because I'd like to get something useful like a can of Brent remover I mean, for God's sa-
J.D.: -sake, Brent. When are you gonna wake up and-
Elliot: Use that rock that you have been calling your skull?
J.D.: [to Kelso] We got this.
Elliot: I mean, even a blind squirrel occasionally finds a nut.
J.D.: He's gone. He's gone.
Elliot: Heh, look, Brent, you are doing fine.

Quote from J.D.

Nurse Roberts: Hey, this guy's coding.
J.D.: [v.o.] Don't get me wrong, I can handle a code. But every so often, every single thing that can conceivably go wrong with a patient goes wrong at once.
Nurse Roberts: He's in v-ac.
Nurse #1: We've lost an airway.
Nurse #2: He's blown a pupil.
J.D.: Okay, just gimme a second, all right.
J.D.: [v.o.] I call these "train wreck codes," and they're not my forte. Luckily, that's when Elliot is at her best.
Elliot: J.D., I've got your back. Laverne, bolus with amiodarone, get me the crash cart, grab me a central line kit, I'll bag him. Run the fluids wide open.
J.D.: [v.o.] I honestly didn't understand how she could do so many things at once.
[fantasy: Elliot has three pairs of arms:]
Elliot: Fourteen across, four letters: band that sang 'Roseanna'.
[reality:]
J.D.: Toto T.O.T.O. Toto. Okay, he's stable.

Quote from Turk

J.D.: [v.o.] Lately it seemed like Turk was being a little casual about his diabetes.
Turk: Okay, you all know the rules. I test my blood sugar, you bet high or low, and twenty-five percent goes to diabetes. Because if we all work hard, together, I can get a big-ass flat screen.
Carla: That's right, baby.
Nurse Roberts: I want high.
J.D.: Low and slow, that's his tempo.
Elliot: This game is sick. High.

Quote from Turk

Turk: 194.
Carla: That high, baby? You've been sneaking brownies, haven't you? Well, don't think that when you go blind I'm gonna go get you no seeing-eye dog.
Turk: I'm gonna name him Gizmo.
J.D.: That's what we were gonna name our robot.
Turk: Oh, well, when we get the robot, we'll just name him TuPac.
J.D.: TuPac, may I please have some waffles. [robotic voice] Would you like some sy-rup? Yeah, that'd be fine. It'll work.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Say, that was some real Nancy Drew stuff, there... Nancy. I mean, absolutely irrelevant as far as medicine goes but damn amusing.
J.D.: Don't feel weird because you're threatened by my gift. Many are.
Dr. Cox: Did you feel that you weren't quite annoying enough without adding a delusional sense of grandeur Because I promise you, you are annoying enough. In fact, you're the number one contender for the middle weight annoyance crown.
J.D.: Well, you're the number one jealous weight for the jealous weight... Jealous ch... champ.
J.D.: He's done it! He's done it! Dorian's the most annoying man in the world. Who would've ever though a journeyman annoyer like Dorian might...
J.D.: You are a close second.

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