J.D.: You know what's so messed up about this whole baby thing? I mean, I feel like I'm drowning, and it hasn't even fazed Kim.
[meanwhile, Kim is crying as she operates on a patient:]
Kim: [sobbing] Okay, let's, uh, close her up.
Nurse: Dr. Briggs? Why are you crying?
Kim: This song always gets me. My brother was killed by a funky cold medina.

[as the Scrubs theme plays, Kim grabs the X-ray:]
Kim: That's backwards. It's been bugging me for years.

Kim: Mr. Peters, I looked at your CT scan and I recommend we don't do surgery.
Mr. Peters: Great.
Kim: This is goodbye for us, but I'm leaving you in the capable hands of Dr. John D. Dorian. You take care. [to J.D.] I gave you a new middle initial. It reassures patients for some reason. In my mind, the "D" stands for "Dallas" because I just got finished telling Mr. Peters that's where I lost my virginity. Don't know how we got down that path. Something about that old man just makes me want to open up.

Kim: This sucks. I mean, the hardest decision I've had to make in the last year was what hairstyle to get. And even then, all I did was open up an US Magazine, close my eyes and pick a random celebrity.
J.D.: Kirsten Dunst?
Kim: Owen Wilson.
J.D.: Oh.

Dr. Donna: Okay, Kim, you're still a few hours away, and I understand you'll be wanting an epidural?
Kim: Yes, but I hate pain so much I'm hoping there's a pill you can give me so that getting the epidural itself won't hurt.
Dr. Donna: [laughs]
Kim: Why does she think I'm joking? I hate her and her chat monkey face.
J.D.: Kim, your quite voice is a little louder than usual.

Dr. Donna: The delivery nurses usually get the anesthesiologist to deliver your pain medication, but we are little under stuff, so...
Kim: J.D.!
J.D.: I'll be in charge of the epidural. And as soon as you are ready, I'll have it make you so numb you're gonna feel like you're passing a marshmallow.
Kim: But that sounds sticky and uncomfortable.
J.D.: Passing a unicorn.
Kim: That's a big horse with a horn!
Dr. Kelso: Passing a rainbow.
Kim: That's better.

J.D.: [v.o.] Uh, Turk talking to a new staff member. Give her a special treat and say hello.
J.D.: Hello!
Turk: J.D., I'm sure you know Kim Briggs.
J.D.: Uh, no, you big knucklehead, I don't. On behalf of everyone here at Sacred Heart, I'd like to say konichiwa.
Kim: I've been here five years, big guy.
J.D.: I know that, Kim. It's a game. What's your name? It's Turk. What's that guy's name? I don't know. It's a patient. Looks like a Dave. Are you Dave? Maybe he's a Dave. We don't know. Hey.
Kim: Torture him about this.

J.D.: I had checked up on Kim. She got along with everybody. All the guys liked her.
Kim: Cover up, sailors. Chick on deck. I need a few extra towels for the ladies' locker room.
Todd: Oh, I got a towel for you. Yah!
[Kim grabs the towel Todd was "rat-tailing "and quickly wraps it around her hair]
Kim: Thanks, Todd.
J.D.: [v.o.] All the women liked her.
[Nurse Roberts, Elliot, and Lisa take the towels Kim gave them and quickly wrap them around their hair]
Kim: I just love that every woman knows how to do that.
J.D.: [v.o.] She even got along with the greasers.
Kim: Guys, I know everyone gives you a hard time, but trust me, this look is coming back.
J.D.: [v.o.] I never got a synchronized snap from the greasers.

Kim: Mr. Peters, having a gal urologist might seem a little uncomfortable, but the penis is just another excretory organ, so let's take the stigma off of it. Now, this is the length of the average penis.
J.D.: [v.o.] What?!
Mr. Peters: That seems about right.
Kim: Good for you. I was just messing with Dr. Dorian over there.
J.D.: You know what? I'm not talking to any of you guys. [exits]
Kim: [laughing] I know, right?
J.D.: [enters] You lie! [lifts up Mr. Peter's blanket] Oh, my God!

Kim: I mean, having a baby can completely ruin your life, you know? Not to mention, as a urologist, I have seen what childbirth can do to you down there. I mean, I examined this one woman last month and it was like "Hello, hello, hello, hello..."
Carla: Not a good time, Kim!