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‘My Soul on Fire: Part 1’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Scrubs: My Soul on Fire: Part 1

814. My Soul on Fire: Part 1

Aired April 8, 2009

When the Janitor invites everyone to his wedding in The Bahamas in three days, J.D. rallies his colleagues to show up. Elliot tells J.D. how much she loves him, Turk hopes for some time with Carla without worrying about Izzy, and Jordan insists she doesn't care if Dr. Cox is busy working during the trip.

Quote from Turk

Turk: Baby, you know why I love the Bahamas? They got brothers on the money, check it. Don't that look like Uncle Dottie?

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Quote from Turk

Carla: Why aren't you out on the beach?
Turk: Because Daddy came to seduce you. But for me to get my sexy mode, I'm gonna need you to take off the hat and stop picking your toes. [grimaces and groans] It's alright, I'll push through it. Baby, look. Izzy's not here. And this is the Bahamas. The islands of making love. You, me, the ocean. Underwater relations.
Carla: Lead the way. [cellphone rings] That's the nanny. This'll just take a second.
Turk: Okay. It's cool. I'm gonna head down to the water. It'll be just like our honeymoon. Nobody will see what we're doing except for the mermaids.
Carla: Baby, for the last time, mermaids aren't real.
Turk: I know what I saw, woman!

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: Here you go, Sammy. I know I was supposed to drop Sam off in daycare, but the only other kid there was a creepy little girl with freckles.
J.D.: Please don't give my son your prejudice of redheads.
Elliot: They're god's mistakes, J.D., accept it.

Quote from Janitor

J.D.: [v.o.] Spring was in the air and everyone was getting caught up in it. Whether it was a new romance.
Lady: Have you ever been in love before?
Janitor: Once. She was a janitor. Well, for her the mop always came first, you know. And I was fine, until one day, I come home from work early and there they are, in bed. They were just cuddling, but still, you know. It was really the emotional betrayal that makes it hard to talk about. But you've changed all of that for me.

Quote from Carla

Carla: We can't go, Turk. We'd never left Izzy alone before.
Turk: Baby, separation is healthy. You want to know what happens to kids who are too close to their mothers? They end up like that.
Ted: [on the phone] Well, Mom, when I'm gone, I guess your feet will just have to rub themselves!
Carla: Ted has his own room now. He only sleeps with his mom when he's had a bad dream. Or she has.

Quote from Jordan

Elliot: I'm in.
J.D.: Awesome. Think about it, Elliot. Three days and you're walking on the beach in your bikini. [Elliot spits out her donut] That's sexy.
Elliot: Shut up.
[As Elliot throws the rest of her donut in the trash, Jordan catches it.]
Jordan: Cool. What? I know I have to be in a bathing suit. Hey, Feldman! Fire up the fat vac! Mama need some lipo.

Quote from J.D.

Turk: Dude. We are in for the Bahamas. Upstairs! [they bump chests]
J.D.: Downstairs. [they bump crotches]
Turk: I still don't like downstairs.
J.D.: Really? You haven't come around yet?

Quote from Jordan

Jordan: Excuse me, when you're done with that phone, may I borrow it to call my kids?
Dr. Cox: Really?
Jordan: No.
Dr. Cox: Did you even bother to tell the babysitter she has to stay overnight this weekend?
Jordan: She'll figure it out.

Quote from Ted

Dr. Kelso: Ted, wait here for my bag.
J.D.: Got enough sunscreen on there, Ted?
Ted: I go through a tube about every three hours. [slurping sound] My skin drinks it.

Quote from Elliot

J.D.: [v.o.] We loved our hotel room, but then Elliot saw something that made her skin crawl.
Redhead Kid: Here's the towels you wanted.
Elliot: Thanks, sweety. [the kid leaves] There's no way I'm using those after that little redhead freak touched them. I can smell his freckles.
J.D.: I can't believe you hid this hatred from me for seven years.
Elliot: Deal with it.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: Ted, you had one job. Keep the people I invited from actually coming to the weeding. Did you tell them about the octopi that drag them into trees and suck their faces off? [popping sound]
Ted: I did, but they didn't believe me!
Janitor: What? Okay, this isn't a problem. Did you remember to pack the giant octopus suit I made for you?
Ted: Crap!
Janitor: Teddy! You're killing me!

Quote from J.D.

Elliot: You know what? Let's not fight, because Sammy, today is the 7-year anniversary of the first time your daddy and I ever kissed.
J.D.: [v.o.] I forgot! Distract her so you can run and get some flowers.
J.D.: Darling, do you know what Sam loves? When you sing Old McDonald.
Elliot: He does?
J.D.: [v.o.] Nobody loved Elliot's tone-deaf rendition of Old McDonald. It was so excruciating I knew exactly how long it took her to finish. I had 44 seconds.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: That was wonderful, darling. I got you a little anniversary present.
Elliot: Why would you get me a toothbrush?
J.D.: [v.o.] Damn it! I thought it was a sex toy. Okay, just cover.
J.D.: I borrowed your toothbrush this morning, when I was showering, dropped it, and I may have peed on it, a little.
Elliot: You pee in my shower?
J.D.: You know, baby, I'm making this up. I forgot to get you a present.
Elliot: So you don't pee in my shower?
J.D.: Of course not.
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, yes I do.

Quote from Turk

J.D.: [v.o.] Other couples just weren't clicking.
Turk: Are you mad at me?
J.D.: I'm not mad, I'm hurt. You've been ignoring me so much it makes me wanna punch something. God you're firm.
Turk: I'm just bummed about Carla. Between Izzy and her being pregnant again, it's like I don't have a wife anymore. She's just a mommy.
J.D.: Is it that bad?
[flashback:]
Carla: Don't you love listening to her breathe on the baby monitor?
Turk: Sometimes. Baby. I thought you said you wanted to get it on.
Carla: We're not finished?
Turk: We haven't started.
Carla: Oh, sorry. Do your thing.
[present:]
Turk: It's pretty bad.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: Okay, let's call this meeting of the Brain Trust to order. Now, as you know, ever since our esteemed member Lloyd died snorkeling in his father's pool, we've tried to make do with the next best thing. [everyone looks to a cut-out of Lloyd] Still, I think we realized that's not really working out. Especially since Todd keeps high-fiving it and knocking it over.
Todd: Well, look at how he's posed. I can't resist!
Janitor: Yes, you can. That is why I had you over to my garage last weekend to take my seminar on willpower. And you still owe me 60 bucks.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: Now, Brain Trust by law 47a clearly states what, Ted?
Ted: "Live free or die."
Janitor: That's New Hampshire. 47a states that we must always have exactly four members. So I proudly announce the reinstatement of Doug Murphy as a permanent member of the Brain Trust.
Doug: Permanent member until you find someone you like better, right?
Janitor: Come on! You're just being insecure.
Lloyd: Dudes!
Janitor: You're alive! [to Doug] You're out. Lloyd, you're back in. We thought you were dead.
Lloyd: Faked my own death, bro! I was in debt big time to a bookie. Anyway, didn't work out. Saw me at a mall. So what's new? Can I borrow 80,000 bucks?
Janitor: Can't really swing that, Lloyd. Our credit lines overextended since we had Cheap Trick play at the Brain Trust picnic. Goodbye Lloyd. And Doug is back in, permanent!
Doug: Oh, yes.
Janitor: You know, until Lloyd gets back on his feet.

Quote from Janitor

Todd: Cardboard five!
Janitor: I want you in my garage this afternoon. Bring 120 bucks. And a steak sandwich.

Quote from J.D.

Turk: What the hell is this?
Carla: Oh, my God! "You are cordially invited to the wedding of Lady and the Janitor."
Elliot: The janitor is getting married before me? That's it. I may actually kill myself.
J.D.: Of course, I'm the only one who wasn't invited.
Ted: Here's yours.
J.D.: [v.o.] Okay. Do not reveal how touched you are.
J.D.: [emotionally] Turk, could you please pass me the salt for my baked potato.

Quote from Ted

Dr. Cox: This wedding is in three days. And it's in the Bahamas. Nobody's going to this thing.
Ted: Oh, I know I'm not. I heard at night, the octopuses come out onto land and drag people up into trees and rip their faces off with their powerful suction cups.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] I guess I was moved by the janitor's invite, because I did this.
J.D.: Look, I know the janitor isn't exactly a friend to us, but he is a part of our family. A horrible, horrible part. Like an uncle who shows up at your ballet class, and whispers "Good girl" when you plié.
Carla: You have an uncle like that too?
J.D.: That's not important, Carla. Still, I think we should use this as an opportunity to go on a much needed vacation. We work very hard. And I think it's time to live a little.
Todd: You really think we should go?
J.D.: Oh, hey, Todd. I'm really just sort of talking to these two tables.
Carla: Just these.
Elliot: The two of them.
Todd: But you said we should all live a little.
J.D.: And I think you should on your own. But in this circumstance, I was really just talking at just mainly these, these two tables focusing here.
Dr. Kelso: Actually, I'm thinking about going.
J.D.: Hey, Bob, I... I didn't see you there. So I am talking to your table as well, Todd, but not your chair. Not your chair.

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