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26Quotes from ‘My Overkill’

Scrubs: My Overkill

201. My Overkill

Aired September 26, 2002

Everybody strugges to move on after Jordan's outburst. Even though he's swamped with patients, Dr. Kelso gives J.D. a patient who's already been passed from department to department.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: You know, Bob, I've been thinking about all the times you've manipulated me and toyed with me, and well, I can't help but recall that children's fable about the race between the tortoise and the pain-in-the-ass chief of medicine that everybody hates. You see, Bob, the pain-in-the-ass chief of medicine that everybody hates kept running in front of the tortoise and taunting him, but right at the end... Oh, gosh, I'm sure you remember what happened, Bob. The tortoise bit clean through the chief of medicine's calf muscle, dragged him to the ground where he and the other turtles devoured him alive right there on the racetrack. It's a disturbing children's book, Bob, I know, but it's one that's stuck with me nonetheless.

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Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: Buzzy, buzz, buzz.
Dr. Cox: I beg your pardon.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, that's the sound of all the bees in your bonnet. And, Perry, even though I could give a rat's ass, I still think it's a pretty sound.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: [on the phone] Sorry, Mom. It's just, it's gotten really awkward with this guy I was seeing. And... Yes, Mom Yay! I'm straight. Look, I just don't know what to do. Every time I see him, I get so embarrassed. And lonely, and mortified, and I guess I was hoping that you could... About 115 pounds. Fen-phen kills people, Mom. Because I'm a doctor. That's how I know.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] Call it wishful thinking, but I couldn't shake this feeling that this was nothing more than a very, very bad dream. [wakes up]
Turk: Good morning, tiger.
J.D.: [v.o.] Of course, I've been wrong before.
J.D.: How could you let a woman kick you out of your bed?
Turk: Baby, why you gotta be so cranky in the mornings?
J.D.: This is unacceptable. You said we were going to sleep head to foot.
Turk: Dude, either way, the naughty bits are still in the middle.
J.D.: Yeah, but with the head to foot alignment, there's no way for them to lock in.
Turk: Could you be more homophobic?
J.D.: I'm not.
[Turk pulls the covers off to reveal J.D. slept fully-clothed in his scrubs]

Quote from J.D.

Carla: I can't remember the last time I was in this foul a mood.
J.D.: [J.D. makes Rowdy hump his leg] Rowdy, no.
Carla: Is that supposed to cheer me up? Who would laugh at that?
Turk: Yeah, Rowdy, hit that! [laughs]

Quote from Janitor

J.D.: [v.o.] I just wish one of my relationships could be back to normal.
Janitor: Oh, looks like someone switched to big-boy pants a little too soon.
J.D.: Oh, that's very clever. It looks like I wet myself. Do you actually think that's funny?
Janitor: [sprays again] Yeah. [laughs]
J.D.: Good God, that's cold.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] Life in a hospital is made up of highs and lows. For instance, my spare pair of scrubs doesn't match, but I put my underwear in the microwave to dry them off and they feel good!
Nurse Roberts: What are you smiling at?

Quote from Nurse Roberts

J.D.: Can I have Mr. Buckley's chart?
Nurse Roberts: No problem. I keep it right down there in the "get it yourself" file.

Quote from J.D.

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian. Here you go, whizz kid.
J.D.: Oh, is that my new nickname? Because I actually thought people were going to start calling me that in high school when I was in our production The Wiz. It was a sort of hip version of The Wizard of OZ. Nipsey Russell played the Tin Man. [singing] Ease on down, Ease on down the road [talking] Remember that? No? Well, anyway, kids can be mean and everyone just started calling me Dorothy. High school was hard.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, I'm sorry, sport. I was thinking about soup.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: Now, Mr. Zerbo was admitted with a high fever and suspected meningitis. But the head CT and the lumbar puncture came back negative.
J.D.: Yeah, sir, I have a full patient load. And I don't understand how you can just drop this guy on my lap and expect me to make him a top priority.
Dr. Kelso: You want me to say "ta-dah" so it seems more like a trick? Mr. Zerbo back there is a major hospital benefactor and, by golly, you know it's a lot harder to write a big, fat check if you're dead.

Quote from Janitor

Dr. Kelso: Well, gee, sport, I would say you should stop whining, find out what's wrong with him, and treat it. Or you can be damn sure I'm gonna give you something to whine about.
J.D.: Fine. After all, I'm the whizz kid.
Janitor: [sprays J.D.'s crotch] You are now. [laughs]

Quote from Todd

Todd: Ladies, now that the Todd is a resident, he wants to clear things up so you don't have to wonder any more. Yes, yes, no, yes, no and yes, if I've been drinking.
Nurse Roberts: Come here, Wonder Bread.
Todd: What's up, doll?
Nurse Roberts: If you ever get this close again, I will end you.
Todd: I'm changing you to a yes because you're feisty.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: Yeah, that's a leaky o-ring. I can fix her, but I don't got the parts in stock. We need an o-ring down there. [laughs] That's entertainment.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: You did nothing?
J.D.: Nothing at all.
Dr. Kelso: Great job, sport.
J.D.: [v.o.] Huh?
Dr. Kelso: Whenever a patient gets bounced from ward to ward, there's always a chance a high fever could be sustained or even caused by the constant stream of antibiotics. It's called drug fever. And it's a good catch by Dr. Dorian. Next patient. Mush, people, mush! Yah! Yah! Yah!

Quote from Dr. Cox

[fantasy: Dr. Cox smashes his guitar as he sings "Overkill":]
Dr. Cox: That'll do it.
Colin Hay: I have other songs.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, you do.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Do you know how I know that this is yours, Farrah? Because when I paged you earlier, someone found it next to a can of Fresca and a dog-eared copy of Teen People magazine. Anyway, long story short. The whole incident gave me a bang-up idea. Because you see I've got tomorrow off. So I'm gonna be on my couch sipping on some Scotch and paging you every 20 seconds. And if you don't answer every damn last one of them, I'll shove this pager so far down your throat, it's gonna make you take a tinkle every time it goes off. Big fun, right? You're gonna need this. Oh, oh, oh, let it come, let it come. [throws pager]
J.D.: [v.o.] Ah, it's good to be home. Sort of.


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