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Dine and Dash

‘Dine and Dash’

Season 3, Episode 13 -  Aired January 30, 2001

Kelso takes his friends out for an expensive meal and tries to stick them with the bill. Meanwhile, Bob is upset that Red didn't offer him a job at PriceMart.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Uh, yes, excuse me. Um, would you please send your finest imported beer to Caroline and tell her that when I said "Hi" what I meant was, "I'll take you like a stallion." You got that? Like a stallion?
Jackie: Fez, stop ordering stuff.
Fez: Okay, you need to chill out, little girl. Didn't you hear Kelso? The Vineyard is having a dine-and-dash promotion. Everything is free.
Jackie: It's not free, Fez. "Dine and dash" is when you run out without paying.
Fez: So it's stealing? This isn't going to help me with Caroline, is it? Excuse me.
[After Fez whispers to Donna, she whispers to Eric, who gives Kelso a "wet willy"]
Kelso: Hey!
Fez: That's from me, you son of a bitch.


Quote from Kelso

Donna: Hey, Kelso, thanks for dinner. It was great.
Eric: Yeah, it was delicious.
Kelso: Hey, guys, no need to thank me. I'm happy to do it. [opens bill] Okay. Everybody ready?
Eric: Uh, don't you have to pay first?
Kelso: I'm not paying.
Donna: What? What, did you think I was paying?
Eric: Yes. Kelso, we don't have any money.
Kelso: You don't need any. People, we are on a "dine and dash" here. Oh, yeah. 'Cause the only thing better than eating lobster is eating lobster and hauling ass. Let's haul ass.

Quote from Midge

Red: So, who else needs a drink real bad?
Bob: Tough day at the salt mines, Red?
Midge: Oh. When did you get a job at the salt mines?
Kitty: Here, honey. Play with these.

Quote from Hyde

Hyde: Best thing about this joke, it just keeps going and going. [laughs] And not only did we break the law, we screwed our friends while breaking the law.
Kelso: How dumb was he to give me the car keys? I mean, who here trusts me?
Hyde: [o.s.] No way.
Jackie: [o.s.] Not me.
Kelso: Thank you.
Jackie: You know what? Stolen food just tastes better. Dinner roll?
Fez: Guys, I feel bad about Eric and Donna. Maybe we should figure out a way to help them.
Hyde: Sure, we could do that. Or... [chuckles] we could ask ourselves, "How can we make this worse?"
Waiters: [sing] Happy anniversary Happy anniversary Happyy anniversary Donna and Eric.
Waiter: With best wishes from Hyde, Kelso, Fez and Jackie.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Oh, let's go to the Vineyard. My new lady love, Caroline, works there.
Donna: Caroline from the concert? Have you guys gone out again?
Fez: No.
Eric: So, have you guys hung out at school?
Fez: No.
Jackie: Talked on the phone?
Fez: No.
Kelso: Have you had any contact with her at all?
Fez: No.
Hyde: So Caroline's your new lady?
Fez: Yes.
Hyde: That's great.
Fez: Thank you.

Quote from Jackie

Jackie: Michael, I have never dined and dashed, and I'm not about to start now.
Kelso: Uh, well... Remember when we went to nice restaurants and I told you to wait in the car while I paid? Did you ever wonder why I was running to the car?
Jackie: Oh, my God. I'm a thief.
Hyde: I think technically you're an accessory.
Eric: Which should make you happy, because you love accessories: earrings, bracelets, bangles, bows...
Jackie: Shut up!

Quote from Fez

Fez: I don't care if you're in the freakin' Olympics about to run the freakin' hundred-yard dash, if someone sends you a beer, you say thank you and drink the freakin' beer.

Quote from Donna

Fez: Something's wrong. I don't feel special.
Jackie: Me neither.
Hyde: Yeah, I don't think those were special brownies, man.
Eric: Oh, no, no. They're special. Say, Donna, do you have any more of that special ingredient we used?
Donna: Well, I certainly do, Eric. Chocolate Super-Lax.
Kelso: You didn't.
Eric: We did.
Donna: We so did. Now maybe you'll think twice before screwing us.
Hyde: Well, nice try, 'cause I don't feel any- [Hyde, Jackie, Fez and Kelso groan]

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Okay, you guys. That was a wicked burn. It had all the elements: You didn't see it coming, parts of it really hurt... [chuckles]
Eric: Well, Kelso, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Kelso: Oh, I did. [eats brownie] I got my eye on you two. You're not gonna burn me like that again.
Donna: I love our friends.
Eric: Me too.

Quote from Hyde

Hyde: I'll go first.
Donna: Hyde, we're not doing this. And especially not you, 'cause you're on probation.
Hyde: So what?
Eric: So what? You get caught, you go to jail, and I've heard nothing good about jail.
Hyde: I haven't done one stinking illegal thing since I got probation.
Eric: So, what, you're mad because you haven't committed any crimes since your last crime?
Hyde: Yeah, so I'm going.
[After Hyde stands up and puts his jacket on, he walks towards the podium. He feels Caroline and the wait staff staring at him. Caroline moves from behind the podium to block the door way.]
Caroline: [slow motion] Can I help you?
[Hyde looks at the other staff and customers and then winces, shaking his head, before running back to his table]
Kelso: What happened?
Hyde: This place is like Alcatraz, man.

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