Red: Why does everybody go everywhere with us? Look at all these damn kids. I feel like a Mormon.

Eric: So, am I allowed to drink around you guys yet?
Red: Eric, put that back. That's your mother's emergency wine.

Red: I don't hear any kids.
Kitty: They're at The Hub.
Red: So, we have the house to ourselves. Interesting.
[As Red and Kitty jump off the couch and head for the stairs, the doorbell rings]
Red: Don't open it. I'll throw in a foot massage.
Kitty: It could be The Franklin Mint. I ordered those Gone With the Wind plates. [opens door] Mom, Daddy.
Red: I told you not to open it.
Kitty: What are you doing here?
Burt: We just thought we'd drop by.
Kitty: You came all the way from Phoenix just to drop by.
Red: Oh! So you're lost and you need directions back home. That's no problem. Go south until you see cactus. If you hit a guy with a sombrero, you've gone too far.

Kelso: Hey, who took my ice cream?
Fez: Oh, sure. It's always the foreign guy.
Hyde: Fez, you're holding the spoon.
Fez: Oh, sure. It's always the foreign guy with the spoon.

Jackie: So, that's the tramp Michael fooled around with in California. The nerve of him bringing her into The Hub. I mean, people eat here.
Hyde: Hey, will you stop talking about how jealous you are of Kelso's new chick?
Jackie: Oh, I am not jealous but I would like to point out that the sign on the door says, "No dogs allowed."

Fez: Wow. You know when you have a dirty dream? Well, Annette is the girl who's always in it. Oh, she should be ashamed of what she has done to me.

Eric: I don't know. I didn't mind her in California but now that she's got her hooks in Kelso, something's different.
Donna: Yeah. Something evil. I just can't put my finger on it.
Annette: [enters] Michael, I'm waiting!
Kelso: I was getting you a SuperBall. Damn.
Annette: I told you, I don't like presents that bounce. [both exit]
Eric: Did you hear that? The shrill voice. The bossy tone. The random hatred of all things that bounce. Oh, my God. She's Jackie.
Donna: A new Jackie.
Eric: A blonde Jackie.
Both: "Blackie."
Fez: We are doomed.

Donna: Well, I can't spend the night alone with that. Jackie, you have to sleep in my house.
Eric: Ooh. Good idea. Put both Jackies in the same room. Toss some lipstick in the middle watch 'em tear each other to shreds.
Jackie: No. No, no. I don't wanna sleep over. Well, I don't like her.
Donna: Come on. We'll do, like, girlie things. It'll be like a pajama party with makeovers.
Jackie: Donna, I'm not interested in stupid girlie things. Look, I'm not shallow anymore.
Hyde: [coughs] Don't do that when I'm eating.
Donna: Jackie, come on. You'll have all night to chip away at her self-esteem. We can whisper about her and when she asks us what we were talking about we can giggle and say, "Nothing."
Jackie: Oh, wait. I've done that to you.
Donna: That's where I got it.

Burt: Well, we had a reversal of fortune.
Bea: Tell them what happened.
Burt: I bought an ostrich farm.
Bea: Tell them what else happened.
Burt: It was next to a coyote farm.
Red: Great story. See you at Christmas.
Bea: He lost all our money. We had to sell the house in Phoenix, which is why we're here.
Red: An ostrich farm, Burt? Who the hell wants to eat an ostrich?
Kitty: Coyotes, apparently.
Bea: You see what I live with?
Kitty: Well, I'm sure Daddy was just doing what he thought was best. You could show him some sympathy.
Bea: Him? What about me? [sighs] It's always difficult for the beautiful women. You never understood that, Kitty.

Hyde: Something's going on, and I don't like it.
Eric: Like, you think, maybe she still has feelings for Kelso?
Hyde: I don't know, but it's bad, man. I got the same feeling I get right before I shoplift something.
Fez: Oh, it's an old story. Orphan boy falls for rich girl. Doofus shows up with whore. Rich girl goes back to doofus. Fez consoles whore, sexually. And orphan boy ends up alone, slowly going blind from self-abuse. [Hyde stands up] Too far? [Hyde punches Fez's arm] I had a feeling it was too far.