Season 3, Episode 5 - Aired November 14, 2000
Jackie wants one of the guys to join her in a roller disco tournament. Meanwhile, Red is forced to attend an employment tribunal after firing Earl.
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: I don't get Jackie, man. I mean, picking Fez over me? Me? I have the three things that women want: I'm- I'm hot, and I'm smart.
Donna: That's two things, moron.
Kelso: No, it's three. I count hot twice. I mean, come on.
Quote from Fez
Fez: Oh, don't put Batman in the clam of death, Riddler. That's just gonna make him mad. God, you're stupid.
Eric: Fez, for the last time, the Riddler can't hear you.
Fez: Riddle me this, Riddler. When Batman escapes from the clam of death who will kick your riddle-telling ass in?
Eric: Hey, Fez. Riddle me this. [slaps Fez]
Fez: Then riddle me this. [gives Eric a "wet willy"]
Eric: Oh, but, Fez, only if you riddle me this. [gives Fez a "purple nurple"]
Fez: Ow! Riddle me this, you son of a bitch! [they fight]
Quote from Eric
Mediator: Eric, just a few more questions. Is your father ever unnecessarily angry?
[Red looks at Eric and gestures for him to smile]
Eric: Unnecessarily angry? Well- [clears throat] You know, what does "unnecessarily" mean really? I mean, my sister likes to put salt on roast beef, but I think it's unnecessary. I mean, why cover up the flavor of such a delicious meat?
Red: Just answer the question, dumbass! I mean... [laughs] Good work, Son.
Quote from Kitty
Kitty: Hi, sweetie. How was work?
Eric: Oh, pretty good except for the fact that Dad's getting sued for firing a Price Mart employee.
Kitty: Okay. Well, good. Have a cupcake.
Eric: Mom, did you hear what I said?
Kitty: Uh-huh, and it's just so very unpleasant, I'm ignoring it. So, have a cupcake.
Eric: Earl is suing Dad for wrongful termination.
Kitty: Earl? He didn't do his job. He was always late. He was a complete dumbass... person.
Eric: Mom, you said "ass."
Kitty: Well, now so did you. Give me back the cupcake, foul mouth.
Quote from Red
Mediator: Now, Mr. Forman, at any point did you ever berate Earl Arthur by calling him any of the following names: candy-ass, dumbass, lazy-ass... Uh, it- it just goes on like that.
Red: Well, that sounds like just good-natured ribbing to me.
Mediator: Doesn't sound that way to me.
[Eric clears his throat and gestures for Red to smile]
Red: [laughs like Kitty] Are you calling me a liar? 'Cause it's funny if you are. [laughs]
Quote from Kitty
Red: Oh, look at this guy's complaint. "Red Forman was habitually ill-tempered." Am I ill-tempered?
Eric: No, sir. You're like Mary Poppins.
Kitty: Okay, honey. Well, it says here you have to go to the labor board. You know what, Red Forman, you have to go in there and defend yourself.
Red: [chuckles] I'll defend myself. I'll go in there, and I'll tell those morons that they're wasting my time with this stupid crap!
Kitty: Or you could control your temper.
Eric: No offense, Mom, but what's plan "B"?
Red: Hey, shut it, pal.
Kitty: Okay, now, see, that's the kind of thing that's gonna get you in trouble. Now, when- when I get really angry, I just- I laugh it off like this. [laughs] See?
Red: Oh, geez, Kitty. That'll never work. That's dumb.
Quote from Hyde
Jackie: You guys, the Roller Disco Doo-dah is coming to Kenosha next Friday!
Hyde: Oh, my God. Guess what! [blows raspberry]
Jackie: See, now, that's the kind of thing the judges really frown upon during competition, Steven.
Hyde: Excuse me?
Jackie: We're gonna be partners. Skating partners.
Hyde: Hey, how about instead, you hit me in the face with a wrench, and I black out?
Jackie: Steven this is not just a last chance at roller disco. It's a last chance at love. Our love. Now, will you or will you not skate with me?
Hyde: I would, Jackie but seeing you there in your cute little skating outfit with all your tassels and sequins... I might be tempted to push you down a flight of stairs.
Quote from Jackie
Kelso: All right. Jackie, what do you say: you and me, roller disco? I mean, we used to have some good moves, you know, like, when we did it... So it would be like that except for with lights and skates.
Jackie: Okay. Um, first of all, you make me sick. Okay? Second, you're lame, and you make me sick. Third, you make me sick, and any one of these guys would be a better partner than you, even Fez.
Fez: Really? Then I am in.
Jackie: Um, no, I didn't really mean it, Fez.
Fez: Oh, then I am out. Damn it. Let me in.
Quote from Eric
Kitty: I can't even imagine the mood your father's in.
Eric: Actually, he doesn't know yet. I got the news after he left. God, Dad is gonna freak. I don't know how we're gonna tell him.
Red: [enters] Tell me what?
Eric: That, uh, Mom said the "ass" word.
Kitty: Well, now actually, um... Red, um...
Eric: You know, Mom, I got this one. Okay, uh, everyone here who's not being sued by Earl for wrongful termination raise their hand. [Eric and Kitty raise their hands]
Quote from Donna
Donna: Kelso, who cares? It's a stupid roller disco thing.
Kelso: Yeah, I guess you're right. It's silly for me to be jealous. You're a good friend, Donna.
Donna: Yeah. 'Cause when you think about it, I mean, what does Fez have going for him except an incredibly sexy accent and an extremely hot body?
Kelso: Okay. Now you're being a bad friend, Donna.
Donna: I mean, come to think of it, if Fez helps Jackie win a roller disco, she might just rip his clothes off and have sex with him right there on the rink. That's how hot he is.
Kelso: Bad friend, Donna! Bad!