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‘Backstage Pass’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

That '70s Show: Backstage Pass

324. Backstage Pass

Aired May 15, 2001

Donna gets tickets to a Ted Nugent concert from the radio station. Jackie wants a week of romance before sleeping with Kelso again. Meanwhile, Red and Kitty can't remember how they met.

Quote from Midge

Bob: You know, our anniversary's coming up. Eighteen years. I can still remember the first time I saw Midgie. She was the tallest girl in chemistry class.
Midge: And Bob was the shortest boy. But what he lacked in height, he made up for in shortness.


Quote from Fez

Fez: Hey, you wanna see what 50 stolen bucks can buy?
Hyde: Fez! It's "Ted" Nugent!
Fez: Uh-huh. Tad Nugent.
Hyde: No, man. I'm saying "Ted."
Fez: I'm saying Tad too.
Hyde: No, you're not. It says "Tad."
Fez: I know it says "Tad." I'm the one who put it on there. I don't know why we're fighting. What's the problem here?
Hyde: Because the shirt says "Tad."
Fez: Exactly. [chuckles]
Hyde: But the "A" should be an "E."
Fez: Well, that's not how you spell "Tad."
Hyde: No. That's how you spell "Ted."
Fez: Oh.
Hyde: These shirts are useless. Now Forman's out 50 bucks.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Okay, here comes Kelso. Oh, this is going to be so good. But plug your nose, because it's also going to be foul.
Kelso: [enters] All right, somebody put a stink bomb in my backpack!
Eric: Oh!
Kelso: And when I find out who, I'm gonna kick some ass!
Fez: Why must people be cruel?
Kelso: Yeah, 'cause now I gotta go see Jackie smelling like a skunk. And Jackie hates skunks, except for Pepé le Pew. And, you gotta admit, for a skunk, he's pretty romantic. [exits]
Fez: Okay, guys, I've got five stink bombs left. Let's go ruin someone else's day.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: As soon as I saw that skunk, I knew that I had to capture it and return it to the zoo. Where it could maybe, just maybe, fall in love like you and I.
Jackie: Oh, Michael, that is so sweet.
Kelso: Yeah. That's me. Sweet. So, here we are. What to do? What to do? Oh, I know what we can do. It.
Jackie: No, Michael, I'm not doing "it" in a car. Now that we're back together, I want it to be special. I want our second first time to be magical.
Kelso: I can do magic. Check it out. [makes his thumb disappear] Hmm? Hmm?
Jackie: Michael, I'm serious.
Kelso: Jackie, I just removed a finger!

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: All right, how about this? We'll have a special day just dedicated to all the romantic magic you want.
Jackie: That's a great idea. But you know what would be even better?
Kelso: If we did it right now?
Jackie: No! That instead of one day, we have a whole week of romantic magic.
Kelso: Well, that would be seven times longer.
Jackie: And seven times better.
Kelso: And seven times longer. Yay.

Quote from Hyde

Donna: Fez, what's in the box?
Fez: Counterfeit concert T-shirts. Me and Hyde are going to sell them after the show.
Donna: Oh, how entrepreneurial of you.
Hyde: You see, I figure with the original concert tees going for $15 we sell ours for $10, I turn a $50 investment into 250 bucks.
Eric: Where'd you get 50 bucks? I thought you were broke.
Hyde: I sneaked it from your Candy Land stash. So if you think about it, it's all profit. [off Eric's look] Okay, fine. Can I borrow $50?

Quote from Midge

Red: You know, it's hard enough trying to remember this without you two staring at me.
Bob: Hey, I could hypnotize you.
Midge: I know! You could retrace your steps. What did you have for breakfast?

Quote from Kitty

Red: Oh, hi, Kitty. Uh, you know I was just thinking about how much I love you.
Kitty: So, you remember yet?
Red: Yes! No.
Kitty: It was November 17, 1953 at a U.S.O. dance. I remember because it was the most important moment of my life!
Red: Really, Kitty? Because in November 1953, I was in Korea. So I'm pretty sure that you were talking to someone else.
Kitty: Are you sure? Maybe- Maybe you came home for the weekend.
Red: Not from Korea.
Kitty: Oh, great. Now, neither one of us knows how we met. Well, you better get your thinking cap on, mister.

Quote from Fez

Eric: Hey, guys, have you seen Donna?
Hyde: Look, Forman, no offense. We got more important things to worry about here.
Eric: Right. Good luck in jail, guys.
Fez: You know, I had a dream like this once. Only I was handcuffed to Cheryl Tiegs and you weren't wearing your sunglasses.

Quote from Kelso

Jackie: Michael, I have to say, this has really been a magically romantic day.
Kelso: Actually, it's after midnight. So it is now officially day two of magical romance week. Ta-da! [holds a cupcake with two candles]
Jackie: Oh, Michael! [blows out candles]
Kelso: And I've got some great stuff planned for the rest of the week. We're gonna have a picnic, and I'm gonna cook for you. Oh, and we're gonna go for a ride on a rickshaw.
Jackie: [kisses Kelso] You know what? You are the most romantic man in Point Place.
Kelso: Yep. You know, at first, I thought this was gonna suck. But now I've really gotten into it and I'm glad that we're waiting seven days to do it.
Jackie: God, Michael, you really have changed. You're so different. And we're different. Okay, let's do it. Now!
Kelso: Whoa. I- I thought you didn't wanna do it in a car.
Jackie: No, Michael, you're so irresistible, I can't wait.
Kelso: What about the rest of the week? I mean, I rented a tux and patent leather shoes!
Eric: Okay, you guys, come on. Open up. I've had a really bad night.
Kelso: We need the car, Eric. We're gonna do it, and it's gonna be magical.

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