Kitty: Steven, what's in the bag?
Kelso: The Packers winning next year's Super Bowl. That's what's in the bag.
Red: Is that what I think it is?
Kelso: If you mean paprika, yes, sir.
Kitty: Honey- Honey, paprika is red.
Kelso: If you mean green paprika, yes, sir!
Red: Green paprika?!
Kelso: Hyde, what am I looking for here?
Hyde: Oregano.
Kelso: If you mean oregano, yes, sir!

Red: What's going on?
Kelso: Oh, just a classic case of hand stuck in vase.
Red: Well, get it off, or you'll have a classic case of foot stuck in ass.

Jackie: Oh, God. Steven, you know what? I thought you finally understood what being a couple was about.
Hyde: Well, what is being a couple? It's all about give-and-take, yin and yang. It's a philosophical paradox like a tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear it. Does it make a noise? Who's to say?
Jackie: Okay. You're just confusing me.
Hyde: You see? It's murky. That's what I'm up against.
Jackie: Oh, my God. What a load of crap!
Hyde: Who's to say what crap is?

Jackie: Look, that stash wasn't his. It was mine.
Hyde: Jackie.
Jackie: Let me talk.
Kelso: Yeah, Hyde. Let her talk.
Jackie: Okay. Look, it's just- I've been having such a hard time since my dad's been in jail that I was looking for anything that just might make me feel better. Mrs. Forman, it's like you with your menopause and all that wine you're always drinking.
Kitty: Well, you shut your dirty, little mouth.

Red: Now, Steven, you tell me the truth right now. Is this yours or not?
Hyde: Mr. Forman, I'm telling you the truth. It's not mine.
Red: Okay. Fine. Well, I don't care whose it is. I'm throwing it in the lake.
Kelso: What? I paid 20 bucks for that. [off Red's look] You got my parents' number.
Fez: That'll teach you to sell me out, you son of a bitch.

Eric: Donna, I think I may have overreacted a little bit. I mean, there are plenty of Twinkies in the world. I mean, sure, there was only one in the car, and you did go Godzilla on it but look, I'm sorry.
Donna: Well, if it makes you feel any better, it didn't taste very good. I think it was a knockoff.
Eric: Yeah, my mom buys "Twonkies." Look, Donna, we had a goal at the beginning of this trip. We were gonna be romantic in some place new and different and I am a man who likes to finish what he started. So may I suggest on my kitchen table?
Donna: You know what? Okay. All right. Yeah, your parents won't be home until tomorrow.
Eric: Oh, my God. You're going for this? Okay. Okay. Great. What the hell was in that "Twonkie"?
[As Eric and Donna go inside, Red and Kitty return home:]
Red: You believe that kid? First he doesn't show up, then he blocks the driveway.
Kitty: Well, I will just be happy to get back in our nice, quiet house. Oh, my God!
Donna: [o.s.] Oh, my God.
Hyde: All right. It's Donna's butt.
Red: Damn it! That's where I eat dinner!

Kitty: Here you go, Red. Belgian waffles.
Eric: What's Belgian about 'em?
Red: They crumble at the hands of the Nazis.

Jackie: My dad is broke. I mean, in fact, the bank foreclosed on our ski cabin. Everything's gotta be moved out this weekend and it's all up to me. And I'm just so very small. [looks to Red]
Red: Well, I'd like to help, but not as much as I'd like not to.
Kitty: Too late. Already packed an overnight bag.
Red: Kitty, why is it we always do what you wanna do and never do what I wanna do?
Kitty: It's in the Bible. [laughs]
Eric: Well, have a fun weekend, Pops.
Red: Oh, you're coming too, pal. And there's gonna be heavy lifting. You better bring Donna.

Eric: Jackie, why can't Hyde help? Oh, that's right. He's your boyfriend. I guess that's punishment enough.
Jackie: Now, I've been with Steven long enough to know the best way to keep our relationship going smoothly is by never asking him to do stuff. So instead I told him I'd be out of town this weekend for a big doll expo.
Eric: Oh, there's a doll expo? Man, I've been looking for jungle-fighting G.I. Joe. He's got vine grip and poisoned darts. "Poison not included." [chuckles] I left mine out in the rain. He got jungle rot. I- I had to amputate his foot.

Eric: Wait. Wait a second. Donna, when did that U-Haul we've been following turn into an ice cream truck? Oh. Oh, man. We lost Red.
Donna: No. Wait, we can't be that far off-trail. Let's look at Jackie's directions. Okay. "I-43 to Highway 60. Head east when it gets different." "When it gets different." What the hell does that mean?
Eric: Wait. Let me see that. "Go a ways past the fancy thing and turn left at the ugly house." Oh. Well, if the "fancy thing's" a dead cow, then we're almost there.