Kitty: Good news, Red. I just took Cosmo's "10 Ways to Please Your Man in Bed" test and I got 9 out of 10. [laughs] But I didn't get number three because I'm a nurse and number three is icky.

Donna: Hey, Kelso, eat that.
Kelso: All right. Green Jell-O. Hey, Jackie, try some. I heard green stuff makes you horny.
Jackie: Michael, that only works with green M&M's, duh.
Kelso: Nuh-uh. It's everything green. Right, Donna?
Donna: Actually, Kelso, you know what really makes you horny? Beets.
Kelso: Yeah, right.
Eric: No, it's true. I saw it on 60 Minutes, man. Beet farmers with, like, 10, 15 kids.
Kelso: Man, how's come everything good for you always tastes so bad. I'm trying it.

[circle:]
Eric: Man, Red went ballistic on me. I mean I want to keep the job, but I really don't want to wear my ass for a hat. 'Cause, you know, he said he could do that and I believe him.
Hyde: Come on, Forman. Fight the power, man. That way I can have your room after Red kills you. Although I'm not sure an ass hat is fatal.
Fez: You know what would be a good job for me? Gigolo. The loving is over, now pay me.

Kelso: So, let's get to the loving, huh? So, how about a little mood music, huh? Zeppelin or Foghat?
Laurie: Whatever.
Kelso: Are you okay?
Laurie: I'm sorry. I guess I'm just not into it today. Actually, I feel like talking.
Kelso: Oh, okay, yeah. I'll try anything once.

Bob: Look at this ad, Red. They're opening a Price Mart right in our own town. $14.95 for a toaster. Can you believe it?
Red: No, I can't. I bought that very same toaster in your store for twice that.
Bob: Yeah, that's my point.
Red: That you screwed me?
Bob: Red, $14.95 is below my cost. This Price Mart could put me out of business.
Red: Hey, they're hiring.
Bob: Red, you can't. These giant corporations come into town. They destroy little businesses like mine. They're evil.
Red: Yeah, I guess that's true.

Fez: Where is the food? Eric, you should give your refrigerator to people who have food.
Kelso: Look at this. Hamburger Helper. Tuna Helper. A can of beets? Oh, gross. I will not eat a darn beet. You know what, Forman? Your dad better get a job, and soon. 'Cause I'm starving here.
Eric: I'll tell him you said that.
Jackie: Michael, it's not polite to remind poor people that they're po... Less fortunate.
Eric: We're not less fortunate. We're just on a budget.
Fez: Well, it is a hell of a tiny budget. [laughs] Oh, that's not funny. That's sad.

Kitty: Michael, honey, don't eat our beets.
Jackie: Yeah, you know, Michael, Mrs. Forman's right. You're horny enough as it is. Sometimes, I wish you had two girlfriends.
Kelso: Oh, my God. Are you serious?
Jackie: What?
Kelso: Nothing.

Kelso: So, who wants sex? I know I do!
Laurie: Kelso, I'm feeling really close to you and I think I want a relationship.
Kelso: Yes. That's what I want. A sexual relationship.
Laurie: No, no, I mean I want more from you than just sex.
Kelso: Don't be silly, Laurie. Sex is enough for any woman.
Laurie: Kelso, I want an emotional relationship.
Kelso: Exactly! We both want a sexually emotional relationship.

Red: This Price Mart looks like a heck of an outfit, Kitty.
Eric: Yeah, maybe I should go down there and get a job too.
Kitty: Eric, when your father's in a good mood, what do I say?
Eric: No talking?
Kitty: Thank you.
Red: I've told you. Your job is to study hard, get good grades, get a scholarship, go to college and move away. End of discussion.

Eric: Then how come Hyde gets to have a job?
Hyde: Because, Forman, you have potential. Whereas I'll be a success if I stay out of jail.
Red: Exactly!
Kitty: Oh, no, Steven, that is not true. It's just it's a little different because... [covers Hyde's ears]... he doesn't have any parents.
Hyde: Oh, my God. I don't have any parents?