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‘Who are You?’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

That '70s Show: Who are You?

615. Who are You?

Aired March 10, 2004

Kelso has seconds thoughts about becoming a police officer. Meanwhile, Jackie's mother, Pamela Burkhart (Brooke Shields), comes back to town after abandoning Jackie.

Quote from Fez

Eric: Oh, man, I can't believe Donna is serious about this celibacy thing. Fez, how do you cope with not getting any?
Fez: I think you know how I cope. When you don't see me, I'm coping.

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Quote from Jackie

Bob: Hey, Jackie, I know since you moved in we agreed to give each other messages as soon as possible and in the spirit of that, your mom called last Tuesday.
Jackie: But, what? No, she couldn't call, she's in Mexico. They don't have phones there.
Donna: Uh, yeah, they do.
Jackie: Why would we give them phones?

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Okay, here. Red. Try this tea. It'll make you feel British. Mum's the word, Governor.
Red: Kitty, this is America. We bomb countries that drink tea.
Kitty: Well, that's because coffee keeps us awake all night, and we wake up in such a bad mood, we have to bomb someone.

Quote from Jackie

Jackie: Where do you think you're going?
Donna: To the backyard.
Jackie: Nuh-uh. I'm going to the backyard.
Donna: Whatever.
Jackie: Oh, don't give me that dirty look and say, "Whatever." That is my thing.

Quote from Red

Kitty: Why don't we ever have tea?
Red: Well, this sounds like the beginning of a wonderful argument. Like the stuffing versus mashed potatoes fight. That turned into, "Why don't I ever take you on vacation?"
Kitty: Why don't you ever take me on vacation?
Red: Oh, crap.

Quote from Eric

Eric: Oh, hey, Donna, um, about this little celibacy kick we're on, does that cover quickies because I can be really quick.
Donna: Well, that's why I call you The Flash.
Eric: That's why you call me The Flash? I thought it was because I was flashy, like an entertainer. Come on, one little one. You can even watch TV.
Donna: Eric, we agreed to hold off until the wedding. It's cleansing.
Eric: No, Donna, giving up cigarettes is cleansing, giving up sex is reckless and irresponsible and I think it might cause cancer.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Ms. Burkhart! I thought I saw gorgeous flowing hair on bronze shoulders. And I wasn't near a mirror, so I knew it had to be you.
Fez: And I just run where Kelso runs.

Quote from Jackie

Jackie: Ugh! Mr. and Mrs. Forman, I don't know what to do. [hugs Red]
Red: Oh! Not this again. Kitty, make it stop.
Kitty: Now, be nice, Red. Her mom finally came home from her cultural tour of Mexico's many fine bars and cantinas. [chuckles]
Jackie: Why did she have to go all the way to Mexico to drink all day? Why couldn't she be a good mom and just do it at home like you do?
Kitty: Well, that's a good question. And you need to sit down and talk to her about it. You can do it here, with tea. We'll have tea.
Red: No. Why does this always happen here? We're in a recession, there are vacant lots all over the place.
Kitty: Well, you can go stand in a vacant lot. We're having a tea party, with crumpets. I'll find out what they are and we will have them.
Jackie: Okay, but I don't know if I can look my mom in the eye. I mean, I never thought I'd say this, but there comes a point when a person is too tan.

Quote from Fez

Eric: Hey, since Donna cut me off, I took the money that I would have spent on a romantic dinner for two and bought me a gross of bottle rockets. Take that, Pinciotti.
Kelso: Bottle rockets, all right. Fez, start running.
Hyde: No, wait, I got a better idea. After we drop him off, let's stop off at the dairy farm, scare the hell out of some cows.
Eric: Ooh, I love cows. They're the one animal I can run faster than.
Kelso: No, no, let's go before you drop me off. That big spotty one needs an attitude adjustment.
Hyde: Hell, man, it's gotta be at night. Look, I've launched so much stuff at those cows during the day, I swear they recognize my car.
Kelso: I can't believe you guys are going without me.
Fez: Those cows will never know what hit them. And even after it hits them, they still won't know. Because they're cows.

Quote from Kelso

Hyde: Kelso. You leave for the police academy tomorrow, shouldn't you be packing gasoline and matches so you can burn that one down, too?
Kelso: No, I don't need gasoline to burn stuff down. All I need is these two hands and a lack of adult supervision. Anyway, I'm not going. I decided I didn't wanna be a cop.
Eric: But, Kelso, I thought you wanted to impress the mother of your child and give your life a purpose and... Pull over girls for speeding while foxy.
Kelso: No, I got my reasons. I mean, I don't wanna leave when things are going so good for me and Brooke. Plus, blue isn't a very good color for me.
Fez: What, are you crazy? You take blue to a whole new level.
Kelso: All right, let's go blast some cows.
Hyde: Whoa, all you talk about is being a cop, you haven't focused on anything this hard since you thought you heard your name on Led Zeppelin II.
Kelso: It's in there. In "Whole Lotta Love" he clearly sings, "Kelso lotta love."

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