Donna: Yeah, but you know what the worst part is?
Hyde: Watching your parents split up and knowing there's not a damn thing you can do about it.
Donna: Exactly. And you know what else? My mom moved out of their bedroom, into the guest room.
Hyde: Yeah, it sucked when my dad split. But I can honestly say that my parents' divorce made me the man I am today.
Donna: Oh, man, am I going to go crazy and think the government's out to get me, too?
Hyde: The government is out to get you.

Red: What the hell kind of a world are we living in? "Hey, let's date other people!" "Hey, let's date other people, but ditch 'em and do it in a car!" That's enlightened? In my day, we called them degenerates, and we stoned them. With big rocks.
Kitty: Oh, you did not.
Red: Well, we should have.

Bob: [enters] Hey, Donna, Eric, glad you're here. Great news.
Midge: Your father and I had sex.
Donna: Oh, my God.
Bob: In the car.
Donna: Oh, my God!
Eric: Well, that's... super! Hey, isn't that... Is that super, Donna?
Donna: So, are you guys, like, back together?
Bob: Oh, no.
Midge: Yeah, why ruin a good thing?

Kitty: Well, so what do you think, birthday boy? 'Cause I think it's gonna be fun.
Red: Well, you know, good food, old friends. This might not be too bad, Kitty.
Bob: Hey, hey, the gang's all here! This is my date Carol.
Midge: And this is my date Ted.
Red: You brought dates?
Bob: We sure did.
Kitty: [laughs] Happy birthday!

Kitty: [sings] Who's the birthday boy? Who's the birthday boy?
Red: The, um, good-looking guy to your left?
Kitty: That's right. [sings] Happy, happy, happy, happy birthday, Red [laughs] Would the special birthday boy like a special birthday present? Oh... It's already unwrapped.
Red: And, uh, just my size, too. [they kiss]
[The ceiling collapses, covering their bed with dust and debris]
Kitty: Oh, my.
Red: Well... Happy birthday to me.

Donna: Hey, man. Hey, what's up?
Hyde: Well, it's Red's birthday and I gotta get him a present, so... Where do your parents keep their booze?
Donna: Pretty much everywhere.
Hyde: Cool. Okay. Red Forman, you know him, you love him. What do you think, blueberry brandy or peach schnapps?
Donna: Hmm... Definitely the schnapps.
Hyde: My thoughts exactly. Ah, this one's for me.

Midge: Oh, I see your father left me another message. God, he's an ass.
Donna: Hello, Mom? I have company.
Midge: Oh, I didn't see you there, Steven. Isn't Bob an ass? [exits]
Donna: Okay, um, my parents are freaks and I'm sorry you had to see that.
Hyde: Oh, yeah?
Bob: [enters] Donna, I don't want you reading this.
Donna: Dad, Hyde's here.
Bob: Well, you can read it 'cause you'll appreciate it. But not you. [exits]

Kitty: Okay, boys, thank you for the wood... And the booze. Okay, now... Now, one more present.
Red: Ooh. Underwear!
Kitty: Oh, damn it. Well, happy birthday.
Red: So, is the happy birthday fun over yet?
Kitty: No. [laughs] Bob and Midge want to take us out to dinner tonight.
Red: Bob and Midge?! Kitty, it's my birthday.
Kitty: I know, but they like you, and they want you to have fun on your birthday, like I do.
Red: If they really liked me, they'd leave me alone.

Eric: Man, last night we could hear the Pinciottis fighting all the way across the driveway. It was horrible. It was all, [as Bob] "You're the devil, Midge!" [as Midge] "Oh, Bob, shut up."
Kelso: [as Midge] "Oh, Bob, shut up!" [normal voice] That's classic.
Hyde: Man, if you get any dumber you're gonna need a helmet.

Bob: Yeah, Carol here is just terrific. She loves horses.
Carol: I love horses!
Midge: And Ted's a marriage counselor.
Kitty: Well, you have just done a lovely job with these two.
Ted: Hey, thanks. Hoo-hah.
Red: Right. So you two are going to save your marriage by dating strangers. Great.
Midge: When you say it like that, Red, it sounds stupid.
Red: Okay, Midge. Say it so it doesn't sound stupid.