Hyde: I think what he's trying to say is the rabbit wouldn't come out of the hat.
Eric: The weasel wouldn't pop.
Hyde: The alphabet soup never spelled "go."
Kelso: Okay! All right! Enough!
Eric: Actually, not quite. There are a lot of Amish people but they never raised a barn.
Hyde: Forman, man, that was awesome.
Eric: Hey. It just came to me.
Fez: Oh, I get it. The barn is Kelso's pants.
Kelso: Okay! You guys, this is not funny! This is, like, a nightmare.
Fez: Yes. Eric, stop teasing. Kelso, I want you to know that I feel bad for you and that I am sorry... [shouts] you are not a man!

Fez: Okay, Jackie, I have some really terrible news about Kelso that will make us both laugh a lot.
Jackie: Yeah. I already know. Pam Macy made this big announcement in gym.
Fez: [laughs] [chuckles] Jackie, this is where we both laugh a lot.
Jackie: Actually, Fez, I don't find it that funny. I kinda feel sad for him.
Fez: But you hate him. He totally screwed you over.
Jackie: Yeah, but he's grown up a lot since then. And he's suffered, and I'm over it by now. Poor Michael.
Fez: Poor Michael? Well, I see I have wasted my time talking to you. Good day, miss.
Jackie: Wait, Fez.
Fez: I said good day.

Kelso: You guys. The weirdest thing just happened with Pam Macy.
Hyde: Kelso, man, she'll do that with any guy standing in front of her.
Kelso: Okay. So, I'm making out with Pam in the orchestra pit and everything is progressin' like normal until...
Fez: What?
Kelso: You know the really, really bad thing that can happen to guys when they're with girls.
Fez: Oh, did Mr. Cooper come in to buff the floor?
Kelso: No. Okay. Let me put it this way. The buffer wouldn't buff.
Fez: Poor Mr. Cooper.
Hyde: No, Fez.

Red: So, you're allegedly tutoring Kelso in math.
Eric: Yes, sir.
Kitty: Are you good in math?
Red: What's the square root of "x"?
Eric: Um, I really can't answer that.
Red: Aha!
Eric: No. See, "x" is a variable, so until you define its parameters the only possible answer is a variable, or "x" if you prefer.
Red: Is that right?
Kitty: Sounds good. Will Michael's parents be home?
Eric: Yes.
Kitty: Are they as dumb as he is?
Eric: I can't lie. Yes. Yes, they are.
Red: Right answer. That was a trick question. I know they're dumb.
Eric: So, I can go?
Red: You can go, but I'll be watching the news. And if anything is vandalized or explodes or catches on fire, "x" is gonna equal me kicking your ass.

Donna: This place is awesome.
Eric: I know. There's gotta be, like, 17 pillows on this bed.
Donna: What's this? Oh, my God. It's a tiny fridge with, like, a million bottles of tiny liquor. [gasps] And tiny cookies.
Eric: Oh, yeah? Well, in there... tiny shampoo and tiny soap. Donna, I think elves work here.
Donna: I feel so classy. I'm stealing all of it.

Donna: Look, I'm sorry about getting all tipsy last night.
Eric: Oh, no. Please, I'm sorry. The fight was all my fault.
Donna: Fight? We had a fight?
Eric: No.
Donna: What did you do?
Eric: Nothing.
Donna: Obviously you did something. I want to know what it is in case I'm still mad about it.
Eric: Well, okay. I had said that you were the most beautiful girl in the world and then you got all mad and said, "Get bent." Not your finest hour, but I still love you.
Donna: Wow. You must be really upset about this.
Eric: Um... kind of, yeah.
Donna: Well, come on, Eric. Let's turn that frown upside-down. That's right. Let's have super-hot sex, baby.
Eric: Oh, crap.

Hyde: Hey. What are you guys up to?
Donna: We're spending the weekend at a hotel.
Hyde: What, car sex isn't good enough anymore?
Fez: I would love car sex. Or just sex. Or just a car.

[dream sequence:]
Kelso: Jeannie, I'm home. [boing] Oh. Hello, Genie Jackie.
Jackie: Hello, Master Major Michael. How was your day?
Kelso: Pretty good, pretty good. But I'm starvin'. I've been on the moon all day, and I missed lunch.
Jackie: I can fix that. [boing]
Kelso: Damn. I love havin' a genie. Well, let's eat.
Jackie: Okay. Unless you're hungry for something besides food, Master. [boing]
Kelso: Actually, I'm having a little problem in this department lately.
Jackie: Not anymore. [boing]
Kelso: Ho-ho! You're the best genie ever!
[Kelso wakes up:]
Kelso: [dials phone] Hello? Pam? I'm back! [laughs]

Hyde: Okay. I'm gonna sneak some beer outta the fridge. You go be lookout.
Fez: You can count on me.
[As Hyde grabs beer cans from the fridge, Fez stands silently in the doorway as Red and Kitty walk in]
Fez: Hyde, the Formans are home.
Hyde: A little late, Fez.
Fez: It's funnier this way.
Red: Okay, you two, out.
Kitty: Here. Here, you can each have a Snack Pack.
Hyde & Fez: Thank you, Mrs. Forman.
Fez: Ooh. Chocolate.

Donna: Hey, Eric. Do you know that if you mix Kahlúa and scotch, it tastes just like Dr. Pepper? You're cute.
Eric: Okay. I think you're cute too and a little drunk, which is gonna make my job a whole lot easier.