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‘Romantic Weekend’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

That '70s Show: Romantic Weekend

316. Romantic Weekend

Aired February 20, 2001

Eric and Donna plan a romantic weekend together at a hotel. Meanwhile, Kelso has trouble performing in the bedroom.

Quote from Eric

Hyde: I think what he's trying to say is the rabbit wouldn't come out of the hat.
Eric: The weasel wouldn't pop.
Hyde: The alphabet soup never spelled "go."
Kelso: Okay! All right! Enough!
Eric: Actually, not quite. There are a lot of Amish people but they never raised a barn.
Hyde: Forman, man, that was awesome.
Eric: Hey. It just came to me.
Fez: Oh, I get it. The barn is Kelso's pants.
Kelso: Okay! You guys, this is not funny! This is, like, a nightmare.
Fez: Yes. Eric, stop teasing. Kelso, I want you to know that I feel bad for you and that I am sorry... [shouts] you are not a man!

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Quote from Fez

Fez: Okay, Jackie, I have some really terrible news about Kelso that will make us both laugh a lot.
Jackie: Yeah. I already know. Pam Macy made this big announcement in gym.
Fez: [laughs] [chuckles] Jackie, this is where we both laugh a lot.
Jackie: Actually, Fez, I don't find it that funny. I kinda feel sad for him.
Fez: But you hate him. He totally screwed you over.
Jackie: Yeah, but he's grown up a lot since then. And he's suffered, and I'm over it by now. Poor Michael.
Fez: Poor Michael? Well, I see I have wasted my time talking to you. Good day, miss.
Jackie: Wait, Fez.
Fez: I said good day.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: You guys. The weirdest thing just happened with Pam Macy.
Hyde: Kelso, man, she'll do that with any guy standing in front of her.
Kelso: Okay. So, I'm making out with Pam in the orchestra pit and everything is progressin' like normal until...
Fez: What?
Kelso: You know the really, really bad thing that can happen to guys when they're with girls.
Fez: Oh, did Mr. Cooper come in to buff the floor?
Kelso: No. Okay. Let me put it this way. The buffer wouldn't buff.
Fez: Poor Mr. Cooper.
Hyde: No, Fez.

Quote from Red

Red: So, you're allegedly tutoring Kelso in math.
Eric: Yes, sir.
Kitty: Are you good in math?
Red: What's the square root of "x"?
Eric: Um, I really can't answer that.
Red: Aha!
Eric: No. See, "x" is a variable, so until you define its parameters the only possible answer is a variable, or "x" if you prefer.
Red: Is that right?
Kitty: Sounds good. Will Michael's parents be home?
Eric: Yes.
Kitty: Are they as dumb as he is?
Eric: I can't lie. Yes. Yes, they are.
Red: Right answer. That was a trick question. I know they're dumb.
Eric: So, I can go?
Red: You can go, but I'll be watching the news. And if anything is vandalized or explodes or catches on fire, "x" is gonna equal me kicking your ass.

Quote from Donna

Donna: This place is awesome.
Eric: I know. There's gotta be, like, 17 pillows on this bed.
Donna: What's this? Oh, my God. It's a tiny fridge with, like, a million bottles of tiny liquor. [gasps] And tiny cookies.
Eric: Oh, yeah? Well, in there... tiny shampoo and tiny soap. Donna, I think elves work here.
Donna: I feel so classy. I'm stealing all of it.

Quote from Donna

Donna: Look, I'm sorry about getting all tipsy last night.
Eric: Oh, no. Please, I'm sorry. The fight was all my fault.
Donna: Fight? We had a fight?
Eric: No.
Donna: What did you do?
Eric: Nothing.
Donna: Obviously you did something. I want to know what it is in case I'm still mad about it.
Eric: Well, okay. I had said that you were the most beautiful girl in the world and then you got all mad and said, "Get bent." Not your finest hour, but I still love you.
Donna: Wow. You must be really upset about this.
Eric: Um... kind of, yeah.
Donna: Well, come on, Eric. Let's turn that frown upside-down. That's right. Let's have super-hot sex, baby.
Eric: Oh, crap.

Quote from Fez

Hyde: Hey. What are you guys up to?
Donna: We're spending the weekend at a hotel.
Hyde: What, car sex isn't good enough anymore?
Fez: I would love car sex. Or just sex. Or just a car.

Quote from Kelso

[dream sequence:]
Kelso: Jeannie, I'm home. [boing] Oh. Hello, Genie Jackie.
Jackie: Hello, Master Major Michael. How was your day?
Kelso: Pretty good, pretty good. But I'm starvin'. I've been on the moon all day, and I missed lunch.
Jackie: I can fix that. [boing]
Kelso: Damn. I love havin' a genie. Well, let's eat.
Jackie: Okay. Unless you're hungry for something besides food, Master. [boing]
Kelso: Actually, I'm having a little problem in this department lately.
Jackie: Not anymore. [boing]
Kelso: Ho-ho! You're the best genie ever!
[Kelso wakes up:]
Kelso: [dials phone] Hello? Pam? I'm back! [laughs]

Quote from Fez

Hyde: Okay. I'm gonna sneak some beer outta the fridge. You go be lookout.
Fez: You can count on me.
[As Hyde grabs beer cans from the fridge, Fez stands silently in the doorway as Red and Kitty walk in]
Fez: Hyde, the Formans are home.
Hyde: A little late, Fez.
Fez: It's funnier this way.
Red: Okay, you two, out.
Kitty: Here. Here, you can each have a Snack Pack.
Hyde & Fez: Thank you, Mrs. Forman.
Fez: Ooh. Chocolate.

Quote from Donna

Donna: Hey, Eric. Do you know that if you mix Kahlúa and scotch, it tastes just like Dr. Pepper? You're cute.
Eric: Okay. I think you're cute too and a little drunk, which is gonna make my job a whole lot easier.

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