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Laurie and the Professor

‘Laurie and the Professor’

Season 2, Episode 4 -  Aired October 19, 1999

Eric is thrilled to finally have dirt on Laurie when Professor Stark (Stephen Tobolowsky) visits the Formans to try get Laurie back into college. Meanwhile, Hyde is fed up of sharing a room with Eric.

Quote from Kitty

Eric: Oh, Mom. Oh, my god, Mom. I had her in my sights. I mean, she was right in the cross hairs.
Kitty: Oh, honey... You know I love you and your sister equally. But if you ever get an opportunity again, for God's sake, pull the trigger.


Quote from Fez

Fez: Excuse me, may I please have a hickey, please?
Donna: No.
Fez: Please?
Donna: No!
Fez: Jackie?
Jackie: No!
Fez: Please?
Jackie: No!
Fez: So, the two of you do things to please your man. Well, Fez is a man. Why do you not please him? Why?

Quote from Midge

Donna: So, here we are... together... again.
Midge: Yeah. I'm just loving the time we spend together, Donna. In my new book, Our Mothers, Ourselves, it says we're supposed to be friends. We should talk to each other and listen. Your stupid father never listens.
Donna: Is there anything in your book about not insulting my father?
Midge: Oh, I don't know, I only read the first chapter. Okay, no more talking about your father. So, how do you like the clogs I bought you?
Donna: Oh, they're awesome.
Midge: Oh, good, 'cause your father's an ass!

Quote from Eric

Eric: Oh, Laurie... I know something that you don't know that I know, you know? Yes, yes.
Hyde: Tell us, Forman, so that we can all know.
Laurie: You don't know anything. And if you do know something, I will make you sorry you were ever born.
Eric: Well, for your information, I'm already sorry I was ever born.
Red: Eric!
Eric: See?

Quote from Kelso

Hyde: Okay, Forman, look, man, I'm not telling you how to live your life, but if someone touched my mom's panties...
Eric: Hyde, didn't everyone touch your mom's panties?
Kelso: Burn! [laughs] Man, that was a burn.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: So, look at us. This is just like a Norman Rockwell painting.
Laurie: Mom is serving breakfast, Daddy's reading the newspaper, and brother Eric is trying to hide a big, purple, nasty hickey.
Eric: What? Hickey, I don't have a hickey.
Laurie: You know, Eric, hickeys lead to dirty things.
Red: For God's sakes, don't let Donna suck your neck. She's a nice girl.
Eric: I don't have a hickey. I was using a curling iron.
Kitty: Oh, well, will you just look at that. [licks hand and touches Eric's bruise]
Eric: No! Mom!
Kitty: Red, remember that time...
Red: No, and neither do you.
Kitty: Okay. [laughs]

Quote from Hyde

Hyde: Good morning, class.
Laurie: Oh, good morning, orphan.
Hyde: Good morning.
Laurie: That's all you got? [Red exits]
Hyde: Whore.
Laurie: Mom, he called me a whore.
Kitty: Yeah. Steven, honey... You are too young for coffee. Have some juice.
Hyde: Mrs. Forman, I need coffee. Your son kept me up all night bragging about his hickey.

Quote from Jackie

Jackie: Okay. Whatever you do, Eric, do not wear a turtleneck to school, okay? It's a dead giveaway. Yeah, I'd go for a decorative scarf.
Eric: Thank you.

Quote from Eric

Donna: Did you have to tell everyone about the hickey?
Eric: Well, everyone can kind of see it, Vampira. Laurie had a field day at breakfast.
Hyde: Yeah, I hopped on that dog pile, too.
Eric: You sure did, you dillhole.
Hyde: All right, Forman, yeah, that was sort of mean. Probably what I should have said is... "I'm sick of sharing a room with you and all of your disgusting fluids and gases."
Eric: Oh, and yours are just dreamy, Hyde.

Quote from Eric

Donna: Gotta go shopping with my mom. Suddenly it's like really important that we be best friends.
Eric: What happened?
Donna: She's been reading.
Eric: Reading. Damn it, when will they learn?

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