Red Forman Quotes Page 1 of 55    

Quote from An Eric Forman Christmas

Red: Bob, your decorations are in the dumpster behind the liquor store.
Bob: Thanks, Red. If I had mistletoe, I'd kiss you.
Red: Yeah, well, if I had "mistlefoot," it'd be in your ass. [laughs]
Kitty: You know what I would like for Christmas? No more talk about you putting your foot in other people's rear ends.
Red: Maybe next year, Kitty.


Quote from On with the Show

Red: Have you been in bed all day?
Eric: Yeah, I have. I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic On The Road. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?
Red: You have got to be the laziest non-communist I've ever met. And you are about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called On The Road To In Your Ass.

Quote from Till the Next Goodbye

Red: I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years!
[The background behind Red and Kitty sways as Eric stares at them]
Red: I wish I had 2,000 feet so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!

Quote from That '70s Finale

Kelso: Oh, Mr. Forman, can I light this off in your house?
Red: Sure and then I'll light my foot off in your ass.
Hyde: And that, my friends, is the last "foot-in-ass" of the decade. Cheers.
Kitty: Michael, it is so good to see you. The girls in the emergency room were just asking about you.
Kelso: You know, it's like I've been gone for so long, I almost forgot you're a hot mom.
Kitty: Oh! [giggles]
Red: You know what else is hot? My foot when it's in your ass.
Hyde: Look at that. He had one more in him.

Quote from 5:15

Red: Steven! What the hell's the matter with you? Stealing my cable!
Hyde: Red, before you blow your stack, why don't you take a look at that car wash girl? She is so sudsy.
Red: You drilled a hole in my floor. My foot is about to drill a hole in your ass!

Quote from No Quarter

Red: You know, it occurs to me that since I paid the allowance that bought those records in the first place, that money's mine.
Eric: Well, it occurs to me that possession is 9/10ths of the law.
Red: Keep up with the smart mouth, and my foot will be 9/10ths of the way up your ass.
Hyde: You know, Forman, you should write a book: Things My Father Threatened To Put In My Ass. "Chapter One: His Foot." I'd buy that.

Quote from Christmas

Red: This mall is only big enough for one Santa, Bob.
Bob: Tell you what, you name five reindeer and I'll step down.
Red: I can name five toes that are gonna be in your ass.
Kitty: Oh, for goodness' sake! Why don't we stop calling it Christmas and call it "Assmas"?

Quote from Kiss of Death

Red: You know, it's amazing how you always manage to pull the car right up to the garage, but not actually into it.
Eric: Yup. Takes a keen eye and a sure foot.
Red: How would you like your keen eye to watch my sure foot kick your smart ass?

Quote from The Battle of Evermore

Red: So, I guess this is the way an immature, engaged, high school dumbass with no car, no job and no money trims the hedges.
Hyde: That was like eight burns in one sentence.
Donna: An octo-burn. Let's get the hell out of here.

Quote from Bohemian Rhapsody

Kitty: Okay, let's see, where to start? Well, your father and I were furious when we caught you boys in that smoky basement. The minute you left for the airport, we went down there to do what the Feds call "a sweep."
Kitty: How dare you boys smoke up my house when you know how hard I work to keep it smelling lemony fresh!
Red: You morons just hung vacancy signs on your asses, and my foot's looking for a room!

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