Red Forman Quotes Page 1 of 55    

Quote from No Quarter

Red: You know, it occurs to me that since I paid the allowance that bought those records in the first place, that money's mine.
Eric: Well, it occurs to me that possession is 9/10ths of the law.
Red: Keep up with the smart mouth, and my foot will be 9/10ths of the way up your ass.
Hyde: You know, Forman, you should write a book: Things My Father Threatened To Put In My Ass. "Chapter One: His Foot." I'd buy that.

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Quote from Till the Next Goodbye

Red: I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years!
[The background behind Red and Kitty sways as Eric stares at them]
Red: I wish I had 2,000 feet so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!

Quote from An Eric Forman Christmas

Red: Bob, your decorations are in the dumpster behind the liquor store.
Bob: Thanks, Red. If I had mistletoe, I'd kiss you.
Red: Yeah, well, if I had "mistlefoot," it'd be in your ass. [laughs]
Kitty: You know what I would like for Christmas? No more talk about you putting your foot in other people's rear ends.
Red: Maybe next year, Kitty.

Quote from Christmas

Red: This mall is only big enough for one Santa, Bob.
Bob: Tell you what, you name five reindeer and I'll step down.
Red: I can name five toes that are gonna be in your ass.
Kitty: Oh, for goodness' sake! Why don't we stop calling it Christmas and call it "Assmas"?

Quote from 5:15

Red: Steven! What the hell's the matter with you? Stealing my cable!
Hyde: Red, before you blow your stack, why don't you take a look at that car wash girl? She is so sudsy.
Red: You drilled a hole in my floor. My foot is about to drill a hole in your ass!

Quote from On with the Show

Red: Have you been in bed all day?
Eric: Yeah, I have. I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic On The Road. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?
Red: You have got to be the laziest non-communist I've ever met. And you are about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called On The Road To In Your Ass.

Quote from That '70s Finale

Kelso: Oh, Mr. Forman, can I light this off in your house?
Red: Sure and then I'll light my foot off in your ass.
Hyde: And that, my friends, is the last "foot-in-ass" of the decade. Cheers.
Kitty: Michael, it is so good to see you. The girls in the emergency room were just asking about you.
Kelso: You know, it's like I've been gone for so long, I almost forgot you're a hot mom.
Kitty: Oh! [giggles]
Red: You know what else is hot? My foot when it's in your ass.
Hyde: Look at that. He had one more in him.

Quote from Kiss of Death

Red: You know, it's amazing how you always manage to pull the car right up to the garage, but not actually into it.
Eric: Yup. Takes a keen eye and a sure foot.
Red: How would you like your keen eye to watch my sure foot kick your smart ass?

Quote from The Battle of Evermore

Red: So, I guess this is the way an immature, engaged, high school dumbass with no car, no job and no money trims the hedges.
Hyde: That was like eight burns in one sentence.
Donna: An octo-burn. Let's get the hell out of here.

Quote from Garage Sale

Eric: Dad, you sold my car? How could you?
[The wallpaper behind Eric and Hyde is swaying as Red stares at them]
Eric: Just what in the hell were you thinking?
Red: I thought I was helping, because you're always saying how you need money.
Eric: For gas! For the car!
Hyde: Don't yell at him. To be honest, Red, we're a little disappointed.
Eric: I'm not gonna run any more errands for you, pal.
Hyde: You should've checked with us first, Red.
Eric: You know how many times I rotated those tires?
Hyde: You're not supposed to take things that aren't yours.
Eric: I had stuff in the backseat. Now that's all just gone, mister.
Hyde: Forman, it's okay.
Eric: No, it's not okay!
Hyde: Look, Red, who did you sell the car to?
Red: I sold it to a guy named... Peter. Peter... Cottontail. [sings] Hopping down the bunny trail Hippity hoppity Easter's on its way

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