Kitty: Honey, what's wrong?
Red: What's wrong? Everything is wrong. Damn kids today, they wouldn't know responsibility if it walked up and bit 'em in the ass. Get a job? Ha! It's just party all night, dance all day, and sex everywhere in between! Sickening!

Kitty: Laurie's living with a boy?
Eric: Yes.
Kitty: Just... Just one boy, right?
Eric: Yeah, I think so.
Kitty: Well, now, see, it could have been worse.

[circle:]
Eric: It was just so perfect. If I could go back in time, I'd just relive that moment over and over again. [as Laurie] "Hi, Daddy." "Hi, Daddy." "Hi, Daddy."
Fez: Just tell Jackie the truth. Then, if she leaves you for another man, whoever he might be, no hard feelings. You do not need Jackie. Sweet, luscious Jackie.
Hyde: You are an evil little foreign man. Don't ever change. Look, Kelso, all right, I'll help you out with Jackie, man. I'll talk you through the whole thing step by step.
Kelso: Thanks, man. You know, I guess it was wrong, what I did with Laurie. But I was just amusing myself, you know? And that's the key to life, right? Never stop amusing yourself.
[Eric is silent when the camera pans around to him]
Fez: Unless it starts to chafe. Then you should take a week off. It's almost Tuesday, right?

Kitty: Well, Laurie, you better stop your lying and face up to this one. Just look at what you're doing to your father.
Laurie: Mom, I'm an adult, okay?
Kitty: No, no. No, an adult would have told the truth and not lied about moving in with a girlfriend, which I knew wasn't true.
Laurie: Well, Mom, if you already knew, then why didn't you tell Dad? Then we wouldn't be in this mess!
Kitty: Oh, good God, Rosemary had a better baby than me.

Kitty: Red, I think you're being a little hard on Laurie.
Red: I don't care what anyone thinks. What she is doing is wrong. Now that I think back on it, I don't know if I ever knew that girl. Livin' with a guy. Oh, is that a foreign car? Aw, jeez.
Kitty: Red, you have gone your whole life thinking she is just a little girl, but she is an adult now, and she is not a perfect one. Boy, is she not a perfect one. But you know what? You have to love your children, even when they do things you don't like or, better yet, hate.
Red: You think you do a good job, you think that you teach your children the difference between right and wrong, and this is what you get. Well, the hell with it.
Kitty: Okay, I guess we don't love her anymore. Let's take all pictures of Laurie out of here and pretend she's not ours. And if we see her on the street, let's ignore her. No, let's throw things at her.
Red: Well, now you're just being stupid.
Kitty: And you're... not being a good father.
Red: Well... Okay. Maybe I have been kind of a...
Kitty: A dumbass.
Red: I was gonna say unreasonable.
Kitty: Fine. Fine. You're an unreasonable dumbass.

Hyde: Oh, man, would you look at this place. It's kind of girlie.
Laurie: It's a girl's room, Hyde.
Hyde: Oh, so all those guys, they were just passin' through?

Kelso: Yes! I'm so psyched!
Laurie: Aw. Did you finally figure out how a Thermos works?

Kelso: Whoa. I see what's goin' on here. You're breakin' up with me.
Laurie: No. For me to break up with you, there would have to be something between us to break.
Kelso: Oh! I cannot believe that you are being such a...
Laurie: Bitch? Duh. Look, Kelso... It was fun and sweaty and all, but you're just the guy I fooled around with when there was nothing good on TV. Sorry.
Kelso: Well, maybe there won't be anything good on TV at your new place! Oh, damn! There's always somethin' good on TV.

Laurie: Oh, hey, Kelso, I almost forgot. I found a T-shirt of yours when I was cleaning out my room.
Hyde: Say, how'd that get there?
Kelso: That's funny. No, this isn't even mine. Yeah, no, this must be Eric's shirt.
Jackie: Your mom sewed your name in it, Michael.
Kelso: Man, Eric's gonna be pissed, huh? Yeah, 'cause I... See, I borrowed Eric's shirt 'cause mine wasn't working right... And, uh, then my mom must have sewn my name in it.
Jackie: Mmm, I don't know, Michael.
Kelso: What, do you think I'm lying? Jackie, if I were lying, I'd come up with a lot better lie than that.
Hyde: Yeah, you'd think so.

Donna: Jackie, you have something you want to ask me?
Jackie: See, I'm kind of worried about Michael and Laurie. I mean, she found his T-shirt in her room, and he said it wasn't his, even though it had his name in it. And at that time, I believed him, but now I can't remember why. But if there is something going on, I think I want to know... But I don't want to know. God, I don't even know if I want to know, you know?
Donna: I'm supposed to say...
Jackie: Donna, you're supposed to say that there's nothing going on, that Michael loves me, and we're together, and that's all that matters.
Donna: That sounds good.
Jackie: God, you're so naive!
Donna: Isn't there, like, someone else you can talk to about this?
Jackie: Yeah, well, I used to have this pen pal in Nicaragua, but she just stopped writing after this hurricane thingy.