Fez: So you're telling me that if I showed up at someone's house and say, "Trick or treat," they'll give me a free piece of candy?
All: Yes!
Fez: Oh, I don't believe you.
[cut to:]
Fez: Trick or treat. An apple? Where's my candy, you son of a bitch?

Kelso: "A UNICEF contribution of 13 cents will feed a child for a month." Man, living in Africa must be great. Everything's so cheap.
Hyde: If you ask me, man, UNICEF's a scam.
Donna: If we ask you, everything's a scam.
Hyde: Everything is a scam.

Jackie: Hey, you guys, you know what? My church is doing a haunted house.
Donna: I really don't think anyone's gonna be scared by a bunch of Episcopalians.
Kelso: Unless they have chainsaws. Let's go see The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Jackie: Michael, I told you, I don't like Texans.

Hyde: You know, that's when everybody turned against me. They pegged me as a bad kid. And once that happens, you're labeled forever. You ruined my life, Forman.
Jackie: No, he didn't. Hyde, no offense, but with an alcoholic mom and an absent dad, you were bound to end up in jail sooner or later. Hyde, I said, "No offense."

Eric: Oh, lighten up. Remember how much fun Halloween used to be? Making costumes, trick-or-treating.
Fez: What is trick-or-treating?
Jackie: Well, you put on a costume, you go door-to-door and say, "Trick or treat," and people give you candy.
Fez: Oh, you got to be kidding me. They just give you candy?
Eric: The best part of Halloween is getting the crap scared out of you. One year I saw The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, I couldn't sleep for, like, a month. [silence]
Fez: They give you candy? Just like that? No strings?
Donna: Yes, Fez. Get over it.

Kids: Trick or treat!
Kitty: [laughs] Okay, here you go. Mmm, raisins!
Kids: Ew!
Kitty: No, raisins are good for you. Raisins are nature's candy.
[An egg splatters across the Formans' sliding door]
Red: And eggs are nature's hand grenades. Kitty, don't give 'em raisins. It just pisses 'em off.

[circle:]
Eric: And the man said, "Here's your daughter's sweater. She left it in my car last night." And the woman said, "Why, that's impossible. My daughter died 10 years ago... wearing that... very... sweater."
Hyde: So?
Eric: So, she was dead. And... he gave her a ride. And she was dead!
Fez: When I was six, the mayor of our town was hung from a tree. Your story was not scary.
Eric: Not scary? The ghost of a dead girl gave him her sweater.
Hyde: What does a ghost need with a sweater, man?
Kelso: Maybe it's to keep her guts from falling out.
Fez: You can tell it was not scary because Michael-ina, here, did not run screaming for the door.
Kelso: Hey. Where is it written that a guy has to protect his girl? Huh? And I'll have you know that the feminine form of my name is Michelle.
Hyde: Look, Michelle, I don't want to come out in favor of saving Jackie, but that's the price you pay for docking your love boat in Jackie-Vallarta.
Eric: Okay. So Ichabod Crane lived in the village of Sleepy Hollow...
Fez: Wait, don't tell me. He left his jacket somewhere.
Eric: Okay, that's it. Halloween's over. There's just... There's nothing that scares us anymore.

Kelso: Oh, listen to this. "I fear that despite Steven's high IQ, he's a born troublemaker and is destined to be the smartest man... in his cell block."
Hyde: What? They couldn't have known that in second grade.

Eric: I know. We could go to Old Main.
Donna: Our old grammar school?
Eric: Yeah, sure, you know. A dark, burnt-out, boarded-up school. Very creepy. We could... You know, we could tell ghost stories.
Fez: Free candy? Even if you're not from this country?
Kelso: Yes!
Donna: Hey, why'd they burn down the school, anyway?
Jackie: Oh, they said it was arson. [all look at Hyde]
Hyde: What? I was out of town that week.
Jackie: Hmm. How convenient.

Jackie: Why doesn't anyone just shoot him? I mean, it's Texas. Everyone has a gun.